Beginning a new job is always an adjustment.
Especially if you’re the new boss.
Despite being the one “in charge,” it’s still important to ensure you have your colleagues’ respect and attention.
Not necessarily needing to be best friends with them outside of work, but at the very least knowing you can trust them with their designated duties.
Something that might not be the case if you get off on the wrong foot.
Redditor Haunting-Citron-4161 recently began as a manager in a new office.
Initially, the original poster (OP) wasn’t sure what her colleagues honestly thought of her.
Eventually, however, the OP discovered that the majority of her colleagues viewed her as “stubborn and stingy.”
Apparently owing to her declining the request of one of her subordinates.
Concerned about how she handled things, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to buy Girl Scout cookies from my coworker?”
The OP explained why a box of Girl Scout cookies made her something of a pariah in her office:
“I (36 F[emale]) am a new manager at my office.”
“I started about 4 months ago, and while I’ve been trying to get to know my team, I still don’t have all the dynamics figured out.”
“One of my team members recently asked me to buy Girl Scout cookies from his daughter, and I said I couldn’t because I have celiac disease, which makes me allergic to the cookies.”
“He suggested I purchase a box and give it to a friend or family member because it would mean a lot to him and his kid.”
“The conversation continued back and forth, but we didn’t argue, so I thought everything was fine between us.”
“Then I find out that he’s been talking behind my back about how bad of a manager I am because I’m ‘stubborn and stingy’.”
“Apparently, their previous manager used to buy a lot of cookies, so I look mean in comparison.”
“I’m not close enough with my other coworkers (besides the one who told me about the gossip) to talk to them about this, but I get the impression they’re on his side because one of them made a big show of leaving a plate of cookies they’d bought from him in the breakroom telling everyone to help themselves and then saying directly to me, ‘this flavor is gluten-free so feel to eat some!’.”
“I wanted to keep the peace, so I just said thanks, but I didn’t eat any because I’m pretty strict about cross-contamination with gluten.”
“I worry that I made things worse by not eating them, but at the same time, I don’t think I’m obliged to support his cause.”
“My friends say I should just buy a box this time, and if he does it again, then I can stand my ground, but it’s not really about the cookies now.”
“It’s about him trying to shame me into doing what he wants.”
“AITA for not buying cookies from him?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to buy Girl Scout cookies.
Everyone agreed that the OP was under no obligation to buy Girl Scout cookies, not only for her health but that it was presumptuous and out of line.
“NTA.”
“If a colleague puts an order sheet in the break room where people can write in their orders, I don’t think anyone is bothered by that.”
“Going up to each worker and asking is a bit much, and I’m glad none of my colleagues actually want to do that! “- Kitchen-Phase-6639
“NTA.”
“The only Girl Scout cookies that are gluten-free have to be shipped with four or more other boxes of cookies, and they don’t even declare whether or not they’re made in a shared facility!”
“Fellow celiac here.”
“Health is not something to be taken lightly, and you should never be forced to buy something you can’t even consume.”- blue-brachiosaurus
“If you’re the Manager, I would have a slit down with this employee and tell them you don’t appreciate this becoming inter-office chatter and him blasting you for not buying his cookies to the other staff.”
“Explain to him that this is not professional behavior for an office environment and you are disappointed that something like this has become an issue.”
“NTA.”- Jenny_8675309_69
“NTA.”
“Wow. Just wow at his behavior.”
“Manager or not, it is not ok to try to pressure coworkers for your kids stuff.”
“I don’t have celiacs; I just don’t like Girl Scout cookies!”
“And I shouldn’t need a health excuse to say I didn’t want more processed sugar.”- inevitable_newb
“NTA.”
“You should never be forced to buy something or eat something that you do not want, regardless of your health or dietary concerns.”
“This situation just sounds like an HR nightmare and not at all appropriate for the workplace.”
“If you ‘look mean’ because you won’t shell out money for cookies, people need to be reminded that it’s not in your job description.”- neophenx
“NTA.”
“He needs to learn to hear and respect the word ‘No’.”
“You are his manager, he doesn’t give you orders.”- cassowary32
“People like him are why many workplaces ban selling on the job.”
“NTA.”- Gigafive
“NTA.”
“I am a Girl Scout troop leader.”
“We teach the girls that if someone says no, you say thank you and move on – no pressuring or pleading.”
“That Dad needs to be taught this, too!”- SaltywithaTwist
“NTA.”
“It’s wild how people think your digestive system should bend to peer pressure.”
“Like, is your celiac disease supposed to take a day off for Girl Scout cookie season?”
“Buying cookies out of guilt is not the flex your coworker thinks it is.”
“Stand your ground—your health is more important than office politics.”- AngelNhiana
“NTA.”
“Aside from all the cross-contamination concerns (which are serious enough as is), if you do purchase them, you’re setting a precedent as a manager.”
“‘You bought some of Jimmy’s cookies, why won’t you buy mine?’.”
“You either get stuck having to contribute to every little fundraiser, charity drive, whatever, or you run the risk of being accused of favoritism.”
“Same reason you should only ever participate in whole team activities like after-work drinks (at least ones where everyone is invited, people can self-exclude).”
“This is less of an issue where you’re an incredibly tight-knit team, and you’re more of their colleague than their boss, but as a new manager, hell no.”- chalk_in_boots
“NTA.”
“Part of selling them means learning that not everyone buys.”
“My parents would take the form to work and just leave it on their desk.”
“They wouldn’t pester or try and bully anyone.”
“The cookie dad should have said, ‘Oh, good to know, did you know there is a gluten-free cookie or if you still want to support Girl Scouts, there is the donation program’.”
“And left it at that and moved on.”
“Celiac is definitely something you have to be extremely careful with because cross-contamination can occur so easily.”- AddressPowerful516
“NTA.”
“Talk to HR.”
“If they don’t have policies about employee solicitation, be it Girl Scout cookies or Avon or whatever, they should.”
“At most, solicitors should leave sign-up sheets in the break room, and pressuring is a fireable offense.”- badpandacat
“NTA.”
“This is why a lot of offices ban school sales.”- PicklesMcpickle
“So as a guy who is basically addicted to Girl Scout Cookies, you are under no obligation to buy them.”
“Your coworker is an AH for trying to guilt you into it.”
“NTA.”- Somerandomedude1q2w
“NTA.”
“You aren’t obligated to support fundraisers for coworkers’ children, and they’re being dangerous by stirring up trouble.”
“A lot of places actually have banned this kind of thing, I’d quietly take this to HR and put a stop to it.”
“Allergies are serious, and even if you weren’t dealing with celiac, declining to give money for someone else’s child’s activity is perfectly reasonable.”- haveabunderfulday
The OP later returned to thank everyone who took the time the time to comment, as well as share an update on how she planned to deal with her colleagues:
“Thank you, everyone, for weighing in!”
“I’m surprised by how many people have been affected by people selling things in their office.”
“I definitely won’t be buying his cookies, and I’m going to sit down with him to discuss the bad-mouthing.”
“I think I’ll wait to escalate this to HR because I understand that he wouldn’t respond well.”
“It’s definitely tough as a new manager and woman, so I’m determined to do this right!”
It’s perfectly fine for the OP’s colleague to feel annoyed or disgruntled by the fact that the OP chose not to buy his daughter’s Girl Scout cookies.
That being said, he might want to remember that she is his superior, and bad-mouthing her is bound to have consequences.
Making the fact that his daughter had to look elsewhere for cookies the very least of his problems.