I was blessed to have seven Grandmothers through death, adoption, divorce, remarriage, and Indigenous kinship traditions.
There was Gram Amelia, Gramma Sally, Grandma Mavis, Mamere Agnes, Grammie Fox, Grandmother Laura, and Auntie Maryanne.
I—a Gen Xer—had friends who called their grandmothers nana, mimi, nonna, memaw, or grandmama. But now that we’re the ones becoming grandmothers, the monikers seem to have gotten more creative.
Like glamma for a “glamorous grandma.”
A daughter who doesn’t want her future children to use any name that isn’t a variation on the actual word grandmother turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Dazzling-Nose-2781 asked:
“AITA for not allowing my children to call my mother ‘Honey’?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (29, female) have been thinking about starting a family recently. My mother (50, female) recently stated she does not want her grandchildren to call her grandma, but wants them to call her ‘Honey’.”
“She says she wants something uniquely different. She thinks it’s endearing and says she will be sweet as honey to her grandkids.”
“She and her husband call each other Honey and I consider it a romantic pet name and think it is odd as a grandparent name. My siblings agree with me.”
“My husband thinks we should just let her choose whatever name she wants, but I cringe every time I think about it and want us to come up with something else we all like.”
“She thinks I’m being the a**hole and it will be her grandchildren, so she gets to decide.”
“AITA?”
“My mom wants her grandchildren to call her Honey and I want us to pick a different name as I think Honey is weird.”
“She is not open to her grandchildren or me tweaking it at all. She will correct us or not reply if we use anything but ‘Honey’.”
“I honestly wouldn’t mind if it was something my kids decided to call her, but the way she refers to it, it’s like she’s going to be training them to call her that. Like she won’t respond if they say grandma or will correct them.”
“I have pulled up lists and gone through over 50 different names with her. She is absolutely set on Honey and does not want any other name.”
The OP later added:
“I’ve seen several people ask why this is even a conversation now. We have a dog and since my mom has decided on Honey as her grandparent name, whenever she is talking to our dog, she is calling herself Honey.”
“‘Don’t you love when Honey comes to visit. You love honey don’t you?’ I roll my eyes and then the back and forth starts with the name.”
“I’ve made some suggestions like even grandma Honey, but she is adamant it will only be Honey. If the grandkids call her something else, she plans on correcting them and saying to call her Honey.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I won’t let me children call their grandmother Honey. I could just let her choose her own pet name.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors offered all options except ESH, with the highest votes going to no a**holes here (NAH).
“NAH, but this is a moot point. The grandkids will usually end up picking something and that’s what will stick.”
“My grandmother is ‘Booboo’ because that’s what my younger brother started calling her as a baby, and even our older cousins have switched to calling her that.” ~ petitsoleil131
“NAH. I think you’re both putting the cart way before the horse here. Your children will naturally find a name to call her.”
“My sister’s kids call my mom and dad, ‘Ita’ and ‘Ito’ (short for abuelita and abuelito), and my brother’s kids call both my mom and dad, ‘Ata’.”
“If your mom really intends to be as sweet as honey to them, she’ll just go with whatever name they pick.” ~ SomeoneYouDontKnow70
“I don’t think anyone is an a**hole in this situation, so NAH, but just food for thought, would you consider it romantic if your mom called her grandkid honey?”
“I get that it’s not usually used in the context of younger people calling older people that, but I disagree that it is only used in the context of romantic relationships.” ~ BigBigBigTree
“Honey is absolutely not only a romantic pet name. Very common for a parent or grandparent to call a child Honey.”
“So it would not be creepy at all for a child to call a grandparent Honey in return.”
“I say NAH. If you really hate it, then ultimately it’s not a good choice. You need to sit down and come up with another option.”
“Do you have a heritage that has a non-English name for grandparent that could be a good fit?” ~ mauibetty
“Agreed NAH, but the idea that it’s ONLY romantic is an odd one. I’m southern too, so it’s very commonly used as a non-romantic endearment.”
“Similarly, I call my friends ‘babe’ or ‘hun’ all the time & no one’s ever misconstrued it as romantic.” ~ Intrepid-Method-2575
“My stepmom is Honey and my dad was Sugar Pop. I think it’s fine, but you hate it, so maybe find a different not ‘grandma’ name you can both agree on. NAH.” ~ kitkat214281
“NAH. My boyfriend’s late grandmother was Granny Honey to him. I call him Honey sometimes, but I’ve never really felt like those two things are in conflict.”
“Honey is a term of endearment that covers all types of love, in my opinion. I have friends who call everyone baby, which was a new one on me, but at the end of the day these general terms of endearment are just that.”
“I wouldn’t sweat it! Let her go by Honey if it makes her happy. I mean, these grandparent names don’t go to plan half the time anyways, the odds are non-zero that the kids wind up calling her some humorous mispronunciation of Honey.” ~ watermellyn
The next most common response was telling the OP they were the a**hole (YTA).
“YTA. Honey is not only romantic. My mom calls me Honey all the time. I call my friends Honey. You’re being weird.” ~ JudgmentHot6715
“YTA. My cousins and I called my grandma Honey because my oldest cousin heard our grandpa calling her that. Nothing was ever weird about it.”
“We also called our grandpa ‘Papa’. So whenever we went to visit, we would be going to Honey and Papa’s house. If it’s weird, it’s because you made it weird.” ~ perrabruja
“YTA. Listen, your kids are going to pick up on things and call grandparents what they will. My twins called my mom and stepdad Honey and Darlin.”
“Why? Because that’s what my mom and stepdad call each other. They picked up on this and it stuck.”
“I, their mom, and my parents had very little control over it, outside of us asking them not to call each other that near them, which would be a flat out a**hole thing to do.”
“Your husband is right. Let your future children pick the name and roll with it.”
“It’s not as big a deal as you’re making it, and you absolutely would be the controlling a**hole if you tried forcing it.”
“Plus, you’re not even pregnant. This is a 100% non-issue. Let it go.” ~ Inner-Nothing7779
“You don’t even have children yet, you’re just thinking about it and you’re already obsessing over this? YTA.”
“Also it might start out as Honey, but will change to whatever the child calls her.” ~ Decent-Historian-207
“This is not a big deal. YTA.” ~ floopyferret
“YTA. It’s not that serious. My daughter called her grandpa Honey because she heard her grandma call him that.”
“She thought everyone called him that. Not a big deal and I thought it was cool.” ~ skylersparadise
“YTA. I think you’re getting way ahead of yourself. First, you need to have kids. Next, the kids will likely dictate what they will call the grandparents based on what they can actually say.”
“My MIL wanted to be Gma but she is Mema. I think Honey is cute and I actually knew a grandmother years ago who went by that. It’s creative and for me evokes an image of a warm, caring grandmother who gives hugs and makes cookies.”
“At the end of the day though, this is a name your mom will answer to and she should be comfortable with it. I wouldn’t have dreamed of trying to dictate the name either my mom or my husband’s mom wanted our children/my nieces and nephews to call them.”
“Does your mom irritate you in other ways and this issue you’re having is actually an extension of that?” ~ Pleasant-Ad4784
“YTA. Why make up an issue where there is none? I bet your parents call each other baby and sweetheart, too. Guess no one can use those either.” ~ HoneyWyne
But some felt the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA but you both sound exhausting. You aren’t even pregnant and you’re fighting over this?”
“I used to call my stepgrandpa ‘Honey’ because my grandma used to call him that when I was a little girl. I thought that was his name. All the grandkids called him that.”
“Hopefully, you can both agree on something in the future.” ~ Endora529
“NTA. It’s your kid, you get a say in what they call their grandma.” ~ Hazelmeadowstar
“NTA. ‘Honey’ as a grandma name is def weird. It’s a romantic thing, not a grandma thing.”
“You get a say since it’s your kid. Maybe suggest some other cute names, like Nana, Meemaw, or even just her first name if she’s cool with it.”
“Compromise is key, but ‘Honey’ is just too strange.” ~ Breezewild
Since the OP doesn’t have children and isn’t pregnant, it seems like there’s plenty of time to think about this issue without arguing about it.