It’s the end of 2025. Can we stop asking women if they’re pregnant or when they’re due, please?
While we’re at it, when we definitely know that a woman is pregnant, we don’t need to comment on how much weight she might have gained or on how her body looks, or question what she’ll do to “bounce back” after her baby is born, challenged the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Complex-Rest3524 was a mom of a three-year-old and was nearing the end of her second pregnancy, so she’d started receiving these comments and questions.
When her brother-in-law pushed her to tell him her plans for losing weight after she’d given birth, the Original Poster (OP) gave him a snarky response, which seemed to make him uncomfortable or embarrassed.
She asked the sub:
“Am I the a**hole for telling my brother-in-law (BIL) that I’ll be on a ‘see food’ diet?”
The OP was preparing for her second child’s birth.
“I’m super pregnant right now.”
“My husband (29 Male) and I (26 Female) have another child, who is almost three.”
“I didn’t have a positive breastfeeding experience with her, but I’m determined to have a better experience with our second.”
The OP and her brother-in-law (BIL) did not agree about diet culture.
“His brother, my BIL (30 Male), is a chronic yo-yo dieter.”
“I personally think it’s annoying because he tries to get everyone else around him to try what he’s doing. I’ve always politely said no thanks.”
“My husband has told him several times to stop bringing it up to me, but he’s sneaky and will ask when my husband is not in the room.”
“I’ve just brushed it off, as he’s insecure.”
When the OP’s BIL pressured her while pregnant, she decided not to stay quiet.
“There was one day when he and their sister (34 Female) were at our house, and my husband had to use the bathroom.”
“My BIL asked me if I had done any research on how to lose weight when I have the baby.”
“I had to take a deep breath so I didn’t snap. I told him I had no plans for that.”
“Then he proceeded to tell me about some kind of diet that requires cutting out all kinds of foods, and apparently, the baby weight will just fall right off.”
“I told him, ‘No thank you, I’m not worried about my weight, and neither are my doctors or my husband.'”
“Then he pressed even further, all while my husband was taking a s**t.”
“He asked me if I had any diets in mind, and he would like to research them for me to see if they were good for me.”
“I laughed and said that I would be on the ‘see food diet.’ As in, I’ll see food, and I’ll eat it, because with breastfeeding, you burn lots of calories, so I’ll probably be hungry all the time.”
The OP’s brother-in-law did not take the feedback well.
“He was visibly uncomfortable, but my sister-in-law was giggling.”
“After my poor husband came out, my BIL suddenly decided he needed to take his dog for a walk.”
“My husband asked if anything had happened, and I caught him up. He thought it was funny, too, and said that he was going to talk to his brother.”
“I know I’m not the a**hole, but part of me feels bad for the guy. If he’s this insecure, could I be the a**hole by being as sarcastic as I was?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that this was actually a pretty polite take.
“HE was uncomfortable? I think he was an insufferable jerk!”
“Glad you could handle it like that, I might have gone off on someone were I in a similar situation. I am a dude, by the way, and I think women are by far a lot better/stronger than men.” – mgerics
“OP was really polite about it, to be honest. Turned him down politely, tried to quietly disengage from the conversation, and made a casual joke.”
“I’d have told him to stop making his eating disorder my problem and go project on someone else. Then again, I’m not afraid of being an a**hole.” – SpaceCookies72
“NTA. You were far more polite than I would be. I’m 14 months post partum and have only just lost the weight from having my daughter, never let anyone (especially not this moron) make you feel you need to lose weight, especially after having a baby!” – abibofsweat
“You have asked him not to bring up this topic. Your husband has asked him not to bring up this topic. You even gave him a polite brush-off when he first brought it up. NTA.”
“Besides, there is nothing AH-ish about your response: even if said sarcastically, it is perfectly valid to tell someone that you will not be adopting their preferred future plans for you.” – DinaFelice
“BIL is way out of line! I love your response, and I’m glad your husband is going to speak to him.”
“I love the see food eat diet.”
“By the way, bananas and cereal bars on hand for 3:00 AM boob monsters are a godsend.” – Grouchywhennhungry
Others pointed out that the brother-in-law’s insecurities were not an excuse to behave in this way.
“NTA. Your brother’s insecurity doesn’t give him the right to make other people uncomfortable.”
“Tell him, ‘My body and food consumption isn’t any of your business. If you can’t respect that, this conversation is over,’ and leave the room if he cannot respect it.”
“The fact that he doesn’t do it when your husband is in the room shows that he is manipulative. Don’t keep giving his bad behavior a free pass.” – midcen-mod1018
“It’s wild that he feels entitled to try to dictate the diet of a pregnant woman. His insecurities do not give him the license to talk about your body, pregnant or not.”
“I guess it’s your husband’s brother, so it may be hard to entirely cut him out, but can you at least keep a squirt bottle handy and spray him like an errant cat whenever he does this stupid s**t in the future? Cats have better manners than that, but they work on cats.”
“NTA.” – PerturbedHamster
“NTA. Your BIL is the AH for continuing to talk to a pregnant woman about her weight. Your SIL also should’ve stopped it when she heard him pressing about the matter again, rather than just laughing at your response.”
“Honestly, they shouldn’t be around you until your BIL gets his life figured out, for your own mental health.” – Tough-Koala8000
“Your BIL is an a**hole. Stop enabling this garbage with him. Tell him to shut the f**k up about what you or anyone else is eating. If he’s got an issue, it’s on him to deal with it.” – your-mom-04560
“You’re correct. Breastfeeding does increase appetite, and not eating enough can affect your milk supply. I have two friends who recently stopped breastfeeding, and they both struggled with keeping their weight steady while they were doing it.”
“Weight loss is not something to be concerned with during pregnancy or breastfeeding, especially if there was no concern for it before pregnancy.”
“Eating enough food and not dieting is also going to allow your body to heal as it’s supposed to, which can take around two years to completely heal after a pregnancy.”
“NTA, and you did so well sticking up for yourself, and I’m glad your husband is going to talk to his brother.” – Ok-Office6837
After receiving feedback, the OP shared some clarifications and an update.
“First off, thank you to everyone for all the support. I didn’t expect to receive so many comments, but you completely validated what I was already feeling. Something just felt off about the whole situation, and boy, was I right.”
“As I’m typing this, I’m currently lying in a hospital bed in full-on active labor. I had to be induced because my husband is 6’3, and I’m 4’9 and 41 weeks along. Get this cute thing out of me!”
“After I posted this and it blew up, I showed some of the comments to my husband, and I think a light bulb went off, and we both realized we need to be better with setting boundaries.”
“Two days ago, he called his brother to talk to him about how his constant talk about dieting is getting annoying, and if he continues, we will have to limit contact. We are about to have two daughters, and the last thing we want is for them to feel insecure about their bodies and their relationship with food.”
“All his brother did was hang up on him.”
“An hour later, their mom called my husband, screaming at him. Apparently, he is in the thick of an eating disorder, and how dare he kick his brother when he’s down, and he needs all the support he can get.”
“My husband and I were both taken aback. He told his mom that he didn’t want to have to threaten with limited contact, but he also wanted to protect his girls and keep them from turning out like him. (I also don’t need to be hearing this during a vulnerable time.)”
“This made her even more angry, and she proceeded to yell at him about not abandoning family.”
“He let her go on for a few more minutes before telling her to get him some help before it’s too late and hung up.”We then both agreed that with my induction coming up so soon, this was all just bad timing, and we need to deal with this after we’re home with our baby.”
Though it was terrible that the OP’s brother-in-law was struggling, what he was going through was not a reason for him to treat others poorly or to force his insecurities on them to share.
Pregnant women and new mothers often struggle with their self image, because of the changes their bodies have gone through and all the pressure they face to “snap back” and look like they did before having babies.
The last thing the OP needed was pressure to lose the weight, especially when she was raising two daughters and attempting to have a better experience with breastfeeding her second baby.