While marriages take work, they shouldn’t be the cause of constant emotional distress.
A guy found that his wife became difficult to live with ever since she gave birth to their child, and despite taking the abuse, he didn’t consider divorce would be an option.
All that changed with a major discovery, and when he faced doubt after confrontrong the new development, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor senivell104 asked:
“AITA my wife became emotionally abusive since giving birth, she topped it off by cheating, now she is begging me to reconsider.”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (28 m[ale]) have been married to my wife (27 f[female]) for 2 years together for four.”
“14 months ago we had our first baby, she hasn’t gone back to work and I have been the sole breadwinner (her choice), and since she gave birth my wife became a nightmare to deal with.”
The OP provided some examples of his towards behavior.
“She became irritable, angry at me for the smallest reasons, complains about everything, everything is somehow my fault, all she does is hold the baby all day (even if he didn’t need to be held) and scroll through her phone, everything else is my responsibility.”
“We haven’t had sex for over a year and a half and whenever I try to address it she lashes out at me because even though I’m the only who works and I do all the house work yet I’m ‘insensitive and don’t care about her’ (I haven’t brought up sex until 3 months postpartum).”
“I was basically her emotional punching bag. I tried to get her to therapy, I tried to address her behavior but all I get is more verbal abuse.”
The OP continued:
“I hated our marriage, I wanted to end it but I was scared of the idea of coparenting, I was scared of the social backlash of ending a marriage with a child involved, and also a small part of me was hoping that somehow things well get better.”
“Well last month she made it a lot easier to end it, she told me she was going to a bar with her friends, she came back home at 4 AM drunk, as soon as she slept I snooped through her phone and found texts between her and a random guy implying that she went to a hotel room with him, I was almost relieved when I saw them, I can finally walk away from this miserable marriage without any guilt or regret.”
“The first thing I did was take a DNA test for the baby (he is mine), as soon as the results came back I informed my wife that I’m aware of her infidelity and our marriage is over, she broke down crying, she begged for my forgiveness.”
“She tried to use every excuse in the book, postpartum depression, past trauma, alcohol, she promised to make it up to me, she said she would do whatever I want, said that she doesn’t want our family to break, but I wasn’t having any of it, I have already hated this marriage and the infidelity was just the nail in the coffin.”
“We still live together and she has been begging me to reconsider, promising me every thing under the sun, but I have no intention to reconsider and I told her she is not allowed to speak to me anymore.”
“AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here but that his wife was.
“Your wife is an AH for cheating and for claiming her medical condition made her cheat.” – AlwaysHelpful22
“Postpartum is addressed by therapy. Not with adultery.”
“I’d honestly start separation proceedings. Just make sure you kept screenshots of her texts.” – NatashOverWorld
“You said it yourself, you were relieved when you saw she cheated because it was a way out. Tell her that. Also ask why she wouldn’t have sex with you for a year and a half but some random drunk at a bar winks at her and she’s gone to the hotel.”
“Obviously her friends wouldn’t tell you so if you stay with her it’s on the honor system and she doesn’t seem honourable. She’s scared because you’re her bank roll, nothing else.” – Oculus_Prime_
“Yup, get out and don’t look back. Co-parenting is the only discussion you need to have after you’re safely in separate living quarters. Be careful, though, not to disclose too much of your intentions other than divorce while still cohabiting. Desperation rears some very ugly actions. Some irreversible.”
“Stay strong, stay safe. Good luck.” – True-Raspberry-5370
“OP, you’ve only been married for two years. In some states, you might be off the hook for alimony. But if you stay with her, when she does this again in 5 or 8 years, it’s half your income for life.”
“Get out. Fight for full custody, or majority custody, and make the sacrifice to raise your child. Someone else will come along and fit into the picture.” – DuncanFisher69
“I wanted to address my post-partum depression/anxiety by disappearing from the world permanently. Never did the thought of committing adultery become an option. I got therapy, help at home, kid into daycare, back to work, and family and friends support.”
“I wouldn’t expect anyone to stay with me if i did what she did.” – BeagleGirl23
“This💯💯 and shift focus on yourself and your child. Remember when she realizes you’re serious, she will become your worst enemy, and she will say and do anything to burn you. Record all interactions. Watch out for the domestic abuse traps and the child abuse lies.”
“People with personality disorders, which she clearly has, have no moral compass and are capable of rationalizing anything. I feel for you and your child for being connected to such a shit person. See a lawyer ASAP so that you can set a road map for things going forward. Remember, protect yourself at all times.You haven’t seen the worst of her yet. “ – Comfortable_Hold_195
“As someone who recently had a baby and had to leave an abuser (the opposite of you) coparenting and being single is SO MUCH BETTER. End it and don’t ever look back. You’ll find someone better.”
“Tell your friends and loved ones what she did and how she was abusive to you. Just get a lawyer and rip off the bandaid. You don’t need her permission to leave.” – Ok_Introduction9466
“NTA.”
“Red line. No mistake, she knew what she was doing. She let a strange d!ck in but not yours for a yr? Not a husband on the planet is going to forgive/reconcile with a wife who does that.”
“Get a female lawyer. Get 50% at least custody. And go find a good loyal faithful new wife/step mom.” – AnonThrowAway072023
“NTA. This is from a woman’s perspective:”
“The emotional abuse and refusal of therapy would have been enough. She may have PPD but SHE has to get therapy for it. She knew for a year she was treating you like sh*t. No one should put up with being an emotional punching bag no matter what mental condition someone has. I live with schizoaffective bipolar disorder. I am responsible for NOT treating those around me h*llishly even when manic or psychosis. She refused the therapy and possible meds to make it better. That’s on her, not you.”
“Yes, there are mental conditions that can lead to cheating. Not PPD. Even if it made her feel like she needed strange, it is on her to not follow through. It is possible she didn’t mean to cheat, but she did. She wasn’t drunk before she took her several drinks. It was up to her when she was still sober enough to recognize her interest in some rando and go home.”
“Stop talking to her about wanting to divorce. If you can, get proof on her infidelity. Find a lawyer. You do not want to give her time to make her own plan. One thing I have noticed here is how vindictive the cheating partner tends to be. You do not want to give her the chance to claim abuse. Or time to run up your credit cards or clean out your bank accounts. Be civil to her. You have to act calm right now. Yes, you may hate the final blindside, but you MUST protect yourself.”
“Get that lawyer and follow their advice to the letter. As the one with the p*nis you are digging up with many judges in the family court system. Remember, she is kissing a*s right now to not lose her meal ticket. If you back down, the judge may side with her even more. Besides once she feels stable again she will probably go right back to how she treated you since she hasn’t done anything to address the reason she treated you worse than garbage.”
“Good luck.” – Sensitive_Note1139
Redditors continued advising the OP to take screenshots of the evidence and absolutely pursue legal action.
They agreed that no one deserves the kind of abuse the OP’s been subject to and they warned that staying in the broken marriage would only make things a lot worse later on.