Certain events dictate specific attire.
Generally event invitations or the hosts will provide an idea of expectations, like casual, business casual, semi-formal or formal attire.
Then there are rules of etiquette that depend on individual cultures.
For example, in the United States, black or dark blue are customary for funerals. Only the bride should wear a white dress for weddings, etc…
A woman who feared she violated a rule she was unaware of turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Lost-Lobster-1644 asked:
“AITA for wearing white to a baby shower?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (29, female) have been friends ‘Claire’ (28, female) since high school. We have a small group of friends that has stayed close since then.”
“Claire is pregnant and had her baby shower yesterday. I wore a white and blue floral sundress.”
“I didn’t think anything of it because, as far as I know, white is only inappropriate for bridal events. Claire wore pink. I didn’t pay much attention to what colors other guests were wearing while I was there, but I know our other friends in our group wore yellow, blue, green, and black.”
“When I arrived at the shower, Claire’s mood seemed to immediately sour and she was really cold toward me. Later, one of my other friends pulled me aside and asked me to leave.”
“She said that Claire was offended by my ‘attention seeking behavior’ and that it was inappropriate to wear white to Claire’s event. I left.”
“I’m super confused. Like I said, I thought the white rule only applied to bridal events.
“Our friends are refusing to take sides, but a couple have told me I should apologize even if I don’t think I’m wrong. I’ve been specifically told it was about the color of the dress.”
“It could be something else, but I don’t know what that would be. The older ladies were dressed more conservatively.”
“The younger ones were all in sundresses. My dress was far from the most showy or scandalous one there.”
“I don’t feel comfortable posting a photo of myself, but this is the exact dress I wore:”
“I have not spoken to Claire. I wanted to figure out if I had actually broken some unspoken rule before reaching out.”
“I’ve been told it’s about the dress, but I’m starting to think it’s a body image thing. I’m not as thin as the rest of the girls in the group.”
“Maybe Claire is upset that she is, FOR VERY GOOD REASON, the ‘big’ one right now. I definitely did not talk about her size, but I know her MIL has made comments about her weight gain, so maybe others were making her feel bad about her size.”
“I have never made any negative comments about her body and I have repeatedly told her that she looks beautiful. Her MIL has made a lot of comments about her weight gain, so we have all been reassuring her that she looks great and that weight gain is natural when you’re pregnant.”
“There was no stated dress code. People ranged in levels of formality.”
“I wasn’t the most casual nor the fanciest-dressed person there. I really don’t think I looked out of place.”
“I was also there for maybe like 20 minutes before I was asked to leave. I seriously don’t know what I could’ve done, but multiple people have told me that Claire is upset with the color of my dress.”
“I’m totally speculating though. I didn’t hear anything at the party for the short time I was there.”
“I’m not opposed to apologizing to keep the peace (especially because this is out of character for Claire), but if I actually did something wrong, I was going to give an effusive apology.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I wore white to a baby shower. It might be inappropriate to wear white to a baby shower. The mom-to-be was offended.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA, that’s not a thing. Are you sure the color of the dress was the issue? It seems nonsensical.”
“Maybe after the situation cools a bit, you can talk to her and find out what’s really going on in her head. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to guess.” ~ Momjamoms
“Maybe you should reach out to the person that asked you to leave or the expectant mother to find out what went wrong once things cool down.”
“NTA if it is about the color of the dress.” ~ Th3Flyy
“NTA—please wear the same outfit the next time you see her.” ~ NurseDirtyJersey
“NTA. I’ve never once heard of not wearing white to a baby shower. Depending on the pattern and style, I’m not even sure I would consider a white and blue floral dress an absolute ‘no no’ for a bridal shower.”
“It sounds like she was feeling insecure and something about how you looked made her feel bad about herself. While that sucks, it’s not your fault.” ~ easthighwildcatfan1
“Well, I’m sorry you were treated that way. From the information you have given, there is no logical explanation.”
“Perhaps it was pregnancy hormones and something about your overall look triggered her. NTA.” ~ middle_earth-dweller
“Don’t give pregnant women a pass for hormones. I have been pregnant four times.”
“Hormones and pregnancy are tough, but we are still adults who have control over our behavior. Hormones are a piss poor excuse for being a jerk.” ~ SomethingWitty2578
“I hate how some women think being pregnant is an excuse to be abusive to others. ‘Sorry, I’m/she’s pregnant’.”
“No, you’re just an a**hole using your baby as a buffer for your sh*tty attitude.” ~ little_missHOTdice
“OK, so I don’t consider female dress etiquette to be my area of expertise, but for what it’s worth, I think Claire’s reaction is Bat Excrement Insane.”
“There’s a huge amount of space in between ‘don’t wear something that looks like a wedding dress to a wedding unless you’re the bride’ and ‘don’t wear blue and white flowers to a baby shower unless you’re the guest of honor’.”
“NTA. If you want to apologize for upsetting her with your reasonable, appropriate actions, that’s your call, but I don’t think it’s an obligation. Maybe ‘I’m sorry you were upset, I never would have upset you on purpose’.” ~ CoverCharacter8179
“Um, NO. NTA. White is worn by the BRIDE at her wedding to imply that she is a virgin and therefore pure.”
“At a baby shower, it’s pretty freaking clear that purity is not the topic we are celebrating. We got down, we got dirty and now we’re gettin’ a baby.”
“Let’s say this was a gender reveal and you knew ahead of time that it was a boy and you wore blue to say ha! I already knew! Or pink is a girl. Then you would be the a**hole.”
“Wearing white to a baby shower is friggen harmless. My guess is that you looked pretty and the Mama to Be feels unattractive.”
“That’s sad in the sense that pregnancy should be beautiful. But that sure as hell isn’t your fault.” ~ BeMandalorTomad
“You were told it was about the dress, but I guess I just have a feeling there’s something else going on with her and she’s trying to use the dress as an excuse for you to be the bad guy. Because the dress in itself is fine. NTA.” ~ reginaphelangey23
“NTA. My opinion as a dude with way too many sisters is women should not care what anyone else wears ever.”
“Not at a party, not at a baby shower, not even a wedding. If you care that’s a you issue and you should get over it.”
“Anyone that disagrees that’s also a you issue and you should work on yourself and let go of your inner jealousy.” ~ Fit_Faithlessness609
“First, I’ve never heard of a not-wearing-white-to-a-baby-shower rule, so I don’t thing that’s actually a thing. Second, although it’s not always the case, in this case you shouldn’t apologise when you’re not wrong.”
“Perhaps there’s something else going on you’re not aware, but it seems unlikely that your friend’s reaction was about your sundress. NTA.” ~ tinyd71
“NTA. I attended a baby shower yesterday, and one of my cousin’s friends was wearing an all-white dress. My cousin thought nothing of it.”
“The friend was wearing a bridal shower dress that she had worn to her own bridal shower. So, your friend Claire is something else, to be honest.”
“Also, if I were you, I would question that friendship.” ~ Affirmativemess2
“NTA. This isn’t about the color of your dress; That was the pathetic excuse you were given.”
“Whoever pulled you aside owes you an explanation. Unless this is just hormones (possible)… your ‘friend’ might not be one anymore.” ~ SirReal_Realities
“NTA. How ridiculous to be offended by what someone wore to the baby shower. I wouldnt apologize, you did nothing wrong (literally nothing).”
“The rule of thumb (or Miss Manners) is that ‘light, bright, floral, pastels, ivory or white are perfect attire for a baby shower. Black is considered rude as that is for funerals and sad events’.”
“Out of curiosity, did you wear white to Claire’s wedding? It sounds like there’s something else going on here that she is upset about. I would bluntly ask her.” ~ MissSuzieSunshine
“Are you all in middle school? I surely hope not because of the pregnancy, but your friends sound like petty, ignorant, drama-seeking middle school girls. Get more mature friends. NTA.” ~ justwanted2lurk
It would seem there was more involved than just a dress.
Hopefully the OP gets some answers.