For some soon-to-be-married couples, a wedding dress code is a must.
Many couples have patterns and themes in mind.
That can feel tiresome for certain guests.
People like to wear things that make them feel attractive and comfortable.
This can cause a lot of wedding clashing.
Redditor Ok-Avocado1639 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITAH For having my cousin thrown out of my wedding for not wearing white?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (28 F[emale]) got married two weeks ago and I am still getting backlash from what happened so I’m here to see if I really am in the wrong.”
“My husband and I decided to have a child-free white wedding where the guests are in white.”
“I personally don’t like to wear white because I always feel that no matter what I’m doing something always manages to get me dirty.”
“So, my dress was not white but blue.”
“This all started when I decided on who would be in my bridal party.”
“I chose two friends from middle school, one from high school, my 16-year-old niece, and my cousin.”
“Since I was having a child-free wedding, I didn’t want anyone under the age of 18 but my whole family knows my niece is my one exception.”
“When we went to the dress shop to pick out dresses, I informed my bridesmaids they would be in black to match the groomsman.”
“Everyone was on board with the color, and we found a dress that fit everyone, and the top could be adjusted for comfort.”
“Everything was going great until my cousin asked why my niece was getting the same dress.”
“So I told her because she was a bridesmaid.”
“My cousin said she assumed she was there for a flower girl dress since I’m not inviting anyone under 18 and if I needed another bridesmaid her daughter could do it.”
“I told my cousin, no, and her daughter is a guest.”
“Things got awkward but we were done so we left, and I took my niece out and explained she was a bridesmaid and that wasn’t changing.”
“Everything was going great after that until bridal dress shopping.”
“At that point, I had done a lot of research to find a dress style I liked and who had the color I wanted or could get it.”
“I went to the appointment with my bridesmaids, my parents, and in-laws.”
“Everything was fine but I didn’t like anything I picked until my mom found a dress.”
“I didn’t think I would like it but it ended up being the one and they could get it in my color.”
“We were all happy until my cousin said something that made me snap.”
“She said that I should pick a dress that made me look prettier and not as fat.”
“I blacked out and said a bunch of things I shouldn’t have then kicked her out of the bridal party and the wedding.”
“A few days later my aunt who I love, and respect called to ask for my cousin to be invited as a guest.”
“I did feel guilty about the things I said so I said yes.”
“Fast forward to the wedding and it was my turn to walk out and the first thing, I saw out the corner of my eye was GOLD.”
“My cousin sat in a middle row on the aisle in a gold strapless dress.”
“How she looked!”
“I wanted to cry but we continued on and once we were finished, I told my wedding planner to have her kicked out and kept away.”
“A few think she could have stayed but others think she should have followed the dress code.”
“My aunt thinks I could have asked her to leave instead of having security throw her out and embarrass her.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITAH for throwing my cousin out for wearing gold not white?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that it sounds like ESH, so everyone is the A**hole.
“ESH. ‘I personally don’t like to wear white…’ Oh, I have a great idea! Let’s force everyone else to wear white if they want the privilege of coming to my wedding. Yeah.”
“That’s a bit of logic I can’t get my head around.” ~ WhereWeretheAdults
“ESH for sure but OP is B to Bridezilla for demanding the guests adhere to her white-only dress code.”
“I mean I get a dress code as “black tie, semi-formal, cocktail…”
“But one color wowza…” ~ mdaisy1245
“That’s what I couldn’t get my head around either – she doesn’t like white but thinks everyone who attends her precious wedding should?”
“There are very few people who could pull off white.”
“If I read that there would be no way I was going.”
“Also the cousin was an AH for what she said and did.”
“Definitely ESH.” ~ Sifsmum
“ESH. It sounds like she was being deliberately spiteful.”
“However, I would absolutely not attend a wedding that required me to wear white.”
“Your demand of your guests was unreasonable.” ~ riontach
“Right?!?! To say it’s a terrible color to wear and then make it her dress code is WILD!”
“I look terrible in white and always seem to mess up my lighter-colored clothing.”
“I would not have attended a white wedding.” ~ hellinahandbasket127
“They all just sound f**king exhausting and way more into the social media ‘aesthetic’ wedding than the actual marriage.”
“And yeah they didn’t black out.”
“If I had to guess they got mad and threw a tantrum. ESH.” ~ Kayhowardhlots
“I doubt everyone wore white.”
“It was a request and many probably accommodated.”
“However, a very showy, gold lame, strapless gown ‘seated on the aisle’ for maximum attention – because their daughter couldn’t be a bridesmaid and they couldn’t be rude and insulting to the bride without consequences – is the problem here.”
“Bride saw a problem that was intent on causing issues and didn’t want the drama on her own wedding day.” ~ Naive_Pea4475
“ESH. Y’all sound extra AF.”
“It really grinds my gears when adults say things like ‘I blacked out.'”
“No, you lost your s**t and said things you shouldn’t have.”
“That s**t is reserved for people who think that’ll give them a pass for the s**t they say and do.” ~ SigSauerPower320
“Her wedding, her rules.”
“I wouldn’t get pissed or feel any sorta way about it.”
“I just wouldn’t go.”
“There’s zero requirement for any guest to go to a wedding they’re invited to.”
“People are allowed to have the kinda wedding they want regardless of anyone else’s feelings about it.”
“Some people have entire L[ive]-A[ction]-R[ole]-P[laying] weddings.”
“Just because you don’t want to dress like a lord of the rings extra doesn’t mean they can’t do it.”
“Just don’t go.”
“Don’t b**ch, no scenes, just say ‘I’m really happy for you guys but I can’t make it.’”
“Very simple.” ~ Public-Pack-2608
“I don’t know, I can’t get over the sheer amount of unnecessary detail.”
“Why do we need to know that the bridesmaid dresses are comfortable and adjustable in the bust?”
“Why does it matter that the bridesmaid dresses match the groomsmen?”
“Who cares that her mom found her dress?”
“Is it relevant that you did a lot of research into which shop to go to?”
“I’m not even sure why it mattered that it was child-free!” ~ smbpy7
“ESH. When you say terrible things to a person in a rage, your brain doesn’t ‘blackout.'”
“You just don’t want to take responsibility for your words.” ~ dog_day_summer
“I’m on the ESH side.”
“I understand dress codes and all that, but making all the guests wear white means that a lot of people will have to buy an extra outfit in addition to buying the couple a gift and whatever other costs they are bearing to attend the wedding (like travel and hotel costs if they are attending from out of town).”
“To me, insisting on a single color is different than just ‘formal’ or ‘semi-formal,’ where guests are more likely to have an appropriate dress/suit hanging in their closet.”
“That being said, it sounds like the cousin was behaving badly.”
“Showing up in a gold dress was definitely an attention-grabbing move, similar to an all-white dress at a normal wedding.”
“I don’t blame you for throwing her out.” ~ Thesafflower
“ESH. You treated your guests like decor.”
“It’s not fair to demand your guests wear any particular color, because it can often mean having to buy an expensive outfit.”
“Most men, for example, don’t own any white suits.”
“You said yourself white gets dirty, but then forced your guests to wear it.”
“Guest dress codes are for LARPS, Comicon, or fantasy-themed weddings, where the guests and couple share that interest.”
“Instilling a child-free zone and then allowing a child is your right, but it will lead to objections.”
“Your cousin was wrong to call you fat and wear a gold dress.”
“A wedding is about two people getting married, and beginning a life together.”
“It’s not about the party, decor, dress code, or other superficial things.”
“Your focus was on the wrong place.”
“Finally, blacking out means losing consciousness, not that you got really mad and said things you regret.”
“If you were either drunk or had a split personality and blacked out, you might have woken up in a field holding a duck and a cassette tape.” ~ Shdfx1
“ESH… your cousin is an AH but so are you, making your guests wear white to your wedding.”
‘If I was invited I’d have said no, a dress code that specific for guests is absurd.”
“However, your cousin begging to be there just to show up in something she knew would make you upset is a d**k move.” ~ JoanJetta89
“ESH- A white forced dress code because you can’t keep your clothes clean?”
“A jealous cousin that shows up in gold.”
“Maybe you guys should invest in family therapy.” ~ Bunnawhat13
“ESH. You list reasons why you hate white clothing, yet you demanded your guests all show up in white clothing.”
“What the what?”
“Your cousin should have been dropped from attending after the fat comment.”
“She’s as much of an A-H as you are.” ~ Dittoheadforever
“I really don’t think I’m that old, but in my day, we didn’t dictate what our guests wore to a wedding.”
“I don’t understand this trend.”
“It reminds me of when you play Barbies with a little kid and they tell you everything your Barbie says and does.”
“Anyway, ESH.”
“Who has the energy for any of this?”
“Jesus, enjoy the happiest day of your life.”
“You know when you marry your soul mate and declare your love for each other in front of your friends and family.”
“That’s what weddings are supposed to be about.” ~ IWantALargeFarva
“This is the clearest case of ESH I’ve ever seen.”
“You all sound horrible.”
“The only person who comes off clean is your niece and that’s only because you never describe a single thing she said or did.” ~ Content-Army2384
“ESH. To start with, this whole story is kind of all over the place.”
“I had to read it three times to really get all the different pieces.”
‘Making a wedding such a complicated affair is rather forgetting the whole point of the event, but whatever it’s your wedding.”
“Where you stumbled is, if I’m understanding correctly, you weren’t even following your own dress code.”
“For some reason, you decided on having an all-white wedding despite not wanting to wear white, so I’m not really understanding that.”
“So you have a higher expectation for some guest in the audience than you do for yourself.”
“And then turned it into a spectacle by getting security involved.”
“The only reason I didn’t go full YTA is because your cousin stepped in it with her remark and I suspect that was the real reason for the severe response.” ~ Gold_Repair_3557
“ESH. She shouldn’t have shown up in that dress and she knew it.”
“But I’m just gonna say it, this whole ‘My wedding must have my chosen aesthetic and that’s more important than the comfort and enjoyment of my friends and family who are ostensibly there to celebrate me because they love me’ is tired.” ~ SharMarali
“You forced people to wear a color you don’t like?”
“Then you decided since someone didn’t obey they had to leave? Really?”
“Also what your cousin said was rude.”
“You both seem ridiculous. ESH.” ~ FasterThanNewts
This is a whole lot of drama to process OP.
Reddit understands that it’s your wedding, your rules, but perhaps you could’ve handled it all with a little more finesse.
Your cousin most definitely was in the wrong with her behavior.
Hopefully, you can all have a calm family discussion about this soon.
Congrats on the wedding.