Weddings: a celebration of union and love shared with those the happy couple hold near and dear.
They evoke warm feelings, joy and sometimes even tears.
And they’re commemorated by photos of the lovely bride and all of her equally statured size 2 bridesmaids.
At least for one bride that’s the expectation.
A maid of honor is outraged her best friend asked her to lose weight so the wedding photos will ‘look more uniform,’ so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Latter_Stock_2816 asked:
“AITAH for telling my best friend I won’t be her maid of honor if she expects me to lose weight?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My best friend (27/F[emale]) is getting married in a few months, and she asked me (28/F[emale]) to be her maid of honor.”
“I was thrilled, but then she mentioned that she wants me to lose weight for the wedding so that the pictures look ‘more uniform.'”
“I’ve always been on the heavier side, but I’m comfortable with how I look, and I don’t want to lose weight just for her wedding.”
“I told her I’m happy to help with anything else, but I won’t change my appearance for her.”
“She got upset and said that if I won’t do this for her, maybe I shouldn’t be the maid of honor at all.”
“Now I’m considering stepping down because I don’t want to feel uncomfortable at her wedding.”
“AITAH for refusing to lose weight for her wedding?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors overwhelmingly decided the OP was not the a**hole by any means and urged OP to evaluate both being a MOH and the friendship.
“’You wanted me in your wedding. This is me. If you want a skinny chick in your wedding, go ask her.’”
“NTA” – GeologistDirect2076
“NTA”
“You are a person, not an accessory.”
“If she wants pretty pictures and not real friends in her pictures, models exist and she can hire them.” – badbrother420
“NTA – This is tacky as f**k, don’t be in the wedding, and maybe don’t even go.” – TheNamelessSlave
“NTA This chick isn’t a real friend.”
“She cares more about how her wedding pics look than she does about you or your relationship.” – Amazing_Reality2980
“Uh, a real friend wouldn’t even have this thought.”
“That’s insane to me.”
“I probably would have said, ‘See ya,’ right there.. but that’s me, lol”
“Anyhow, NTA at all.”
“Now, should you do it, I’d say, only if you want to.”
“You don’t owe anyone anything.” – Own-Setting-1562
“Step down, f**k that noise.”
“NTA, nobody should ask you to change to be ‘more uniform.'”
“That is some bullsh*t.” – SPNFam-HunterMo
“‘After taking some time to think about things, I will unfortunately have to step down as your MOH.'”
“‘I will also be taking a step back from the friendship.'”
“‘To say I am disappointed in you is an understatement.'”
“‘I sincerely hope your wedding photos are as skinny and uniform as you hope.'”
“‘I know that all the likes you will get online from posting them will make possibly losing our friendship worth it in the long run.'”
“NTAH” – JellicoAlpha_3_1
“NTA why does your body weight matters to her wedding anyway.”
“Fatphobic a**hole.” – curious_girlxox
“NTA. I know this hurts, but this is one friendship worth letting go.”
“I don’t know why people started to see their wedding day as a chance to be a narcissistic monster, but here we are.”
“You don’t have to play the game.”
“NTA find a new friend!!!” – Luxembourger1
“NTA, and now you don’t have to plan her shower/hen-do.” – Time-Improvement6653
“NTA it’s her day sure but she’s not the boss of you or your body.”
“kinda f’ed up for her to really even say that. then with the “if you don’t i wont let you be the maid of honor” ultimatum is even more f’ed up.”
“if she makes you feel uncomfortable about your body she isn’t a good friend in my opinion.”
“be happy and comfortable with yourself and don’t let that weird situation bring you down.” – Epic-Epileptic-
“NTA – And I find it odd that the bride would risk loosing a friend for the sake of a video that no one is going to watch more than once.”
“You are a person, not a stage prop.”
“If she un-MOH’s you, you’ve learned how much this person values your friendship.” – fuzzy_mic
“NTA, definitely stand your ground.”
“Be honest and try to keep things peaceful tho.”
“You had a good friendship before the upcoming wedding, you wouldn’t want an argument to ruin.”
“Maybe talk with her about a dress that will fit you comfortably that still goes with the others. ( not meaning to sound rude if it came off that way )” – Tinybeerlegos
“NTA. Getting married does not give her rights over your body beyond a dress and makeup for one day only.”
“I’d distance myself politely and make sure a few others know the reason.”
“Weddings should be a celebration, not a photoshoot.” – Sea-Still5427
“NTA if she doesn’t love you exactly as you are, then she’s not a true friend.”
“A true friend would never demand someone lose weight for their wedding – only superficial and shallow people do that.” – gringaellie
“All she cares about is her aesthetic vision.”
“You’re too good to be a decoration. NTA.” – MadameFlora
“‘You must of been thinking I was someone other than me when you asked, because this is who I am and I am not going to change just for you- not should you expect that as a friend.'”
“‘I am sorry if I am not good enough.'”
“‘Please let me know if you need to drop me as a MoH before I commit financial expenses and vacation plans for it.'”
“100% NTA” – Survive1014
“NTA for refusing to change your appearance for her wedding.”
“The key is how you communicate your feelings and the potential impact on your friendship moving forward.”
“If you value the relationship and want to maintain it, consider having an honest conversation about your feelings and the nature of your friendship.” – heartpoundcake
“NTA – I’d seriously reconsider the whole friendship at this point.” – Not_You_247
“NTA, what is wrong with these brides that think they get to dictate everyone’s appearance because they’re getting married?”
“That’s absolutely wild of her to even ask.” – StrawbraryLiberry
“You be you!!”
“Step down and tell her it’s okay for her to ask that of you and it’s also okay for you to decline.”
“Wish her well.”
“NTA. Brides get crazy.” – Fast-Recognition-550
“NTA. I would step down and let her have the wedding she wants, just without my assistance.”
“Anybody that asks you to change your appearance just to fit an aesthetic they are comfortable with is not your friend.”
“I would be questioning my relationship with this person as she clearly thinks less of you due to your size.” – Beautiful_Choice8620
“This is your best friend?”
“You need to make new friends.”
“What kind of friend makes this request?”
“NTA, I would straight up not even go to the wedding at all.” – Working_Alps8384
“the absolute audacity of your friend.”
“NTA at all.” – King-Cobra-668
“NTA. You be you, what kind of a friend does this to their friends?”
“Makes you wonder what she says about you, behind your back.”
“I’d step down and look for better friends.” – samsmiles456
“She’s the AH!”
“I was excluded from my sister’s wedding party (my other sister was included) because my sister said ‘it wouldn’t look right for you to be the only big girl in the pictures.'”
“I hadn’t seen her in months, so she had no idea I had lost 40 lbs, and I didn’t tell her.”
“I just showed up looking amazing and just smiled when everybody gushed about how great I looked.”
“Personally, I hate being praised OR insulted about my size.”
“I am who I am, and my size doesn’t change who I am.”
“Girl, hold your beautiful head high, and if anybody at the reception asks why you weren’t in the wedding party, just do what I did and say ‘(sister) said I was too big to be in her wedding pictures.'”
“It will spread like wildfire what a b*tch she is.”
“You are NTA!” – likeabowlofpopcorn
“NTA! You aren’t an accessory for her event.”
“Sweetly turn her down and let her know you will have to just attend as a guest because you like yourself just fine how you are!!”
“If she dares to say that you shouldn’t attend, then tell her best wishes and you can catch up on the other side.” – Amazing-Wave4704
“NTA. A friend loves at all times.”
“That’s crazy she asked you to lose weight.”
“I would understand if its a boutique/special order dress budget type of thing, but if it’s for photo aesthetics (?!?!)…that is a shallow, flat-a**ed friend.”
“That’s a wild request.”
“You can lose weight for health reasons… not for her group photos which she could have professionally edited anyways if she THAT insecure.” – klv3vb
“Step down; you don’t need this kinda negativity and self-absorbed behavior in your life.”
“NTA.” – greenglossygalaxy
“NTA. Bridezilla in the making.”
“You dodged a bullet.” – GrailThe
“NTA, no body shaming for uniform pics!”
“You are perfect as you are.”
“Step down and continue to live your best life, as MOH or not.”
“Cheers to you and your good self!” – bronwyn19594236
Hopefully OP found comfort in her fellow Redditor’s words.
She does not need to change for anyone, let alone for wedding pictures.