Weddings are a great time to share fun and love with all the nearest and dearest.
But weddings can be very expensive.
So not all couples can afford to invite everybody and their mother.
Some people don’t get an automatic plus one.
Redditor Ok_Opportunity7212 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for just responding ‘Ok, no worries’ to people who decline our wedding invite for not getting a plus one?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My fiancée and I are planning our 2025 wedding and are working with a relatively frugal budget.”
“Our parents have helped a little, but most of it is on us, which is fine.”
“The venue we’ve chosen that fits our style and budget has a hard cap on the amount of people allowed.”
“My fiancée and I also both went to undergrad and grad school and have a lot of friends from different points of our lives.”
“We want to prioritize people we know over plus ones.”
“For the purpose of this, I’m defining plus one as anyone who would accompany the guest we actually are friends with (so my buddy’s wife is considered a plus one even though her name is on the invite since I barely know her).”
“We’ve made the cutoff for who gets to bring one if they are married, engaged, or live together.”
“This describes the relationships of about 80% of the people invited.”
“While we expected to get around a 70% acceptance rate since we’re getting married in peak wedding season, so far almost everyone has accepted.”
“So we’re really coming close to the maximum allowed people.”
“Also to be frank, we just don’t want to pay $200 a person for people who are only there because of who they’re dating if things aren’t serious.”
“A few people are upset that they can’t bring their B[oy]F[riend]s/G[irl]F[riend]s of around 1-2 years who they don’t live with, are not engaged to, and are not married to.”
“I’ve had multiple cousins who are friends who are not in the wedding party complain and text me they won’t be going if I won’t let them bring their partner as a date.”
“To not make it a case-by-case thing, I’ve just responded to them all with a quick ‘Ok, no worries.'”
“Most people just don’t respond, but a few people have gotten a little heated and sent some not-so-happy replies.”
“So far, I just haven’t engaged, and my fiancée thinks I may be a little too cavalier with it all (though she agrees on our rule for who to invite).”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for just responding ‘Ok, no worries’ to people who decline our wedding invite for not getting a plus one?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“It reads nicely as an Australian, and although I wouldn’t be offended by a ‘no worries,’ I also wouldn’t make a song and dance about ‘my’ plus one for any event, particularly a wedding I’m not in the party of…” ~ worker_ant_6646
“Yeah fellow Aussie I was like, no worries is my default reply to anything like that.”
“But for me, it’s a LIE I TELL YOU!”
“There’s always worries. my head is one big worry 🤣 but that’s not for them to have to deal with 🤣🤣/just kidding.”
“Really though, no worries means just that.”
“But I can kinda see how it may come across as flippant if the specific reason for not attending is because they can’t bring a plus one, as on their end they are probably looking for a reason behind why they can’t or likely OP to ‘make an exception’ for them.”
“They are not owed an explanation, though.”
“For the relationship’s sake, to keep things friendly, maybe OP could just say, ‘Sorry to hear that. We are really at capacity, so we’ve had to limit everything to close friends and family” or something.
“But again, that’s just an additional kindness.”
“OP is NTA.” ~ Parano1dandro1d4242
“I’ve been married for twenty years.”
“I’ve also been a teacher that whole time, so I’ve been to a lot of student’s weddings.”
“A couple of years ago, I got an invite. Only me.”
“I compared notes with a bunch of teachers who were invited, and we all got the same thing.”
“We used our powers of deductive reasoning and decided the venue was small.”
“Or the budget didn’t allow a bunch of extras.”
“We said ok, and went to celebrate the couple.”
“Nothing bad happened.”
“I didn’t divorce my husband because we spent a night apart.” ~ melloyelloaj
“Your cut-off rule is more inclusive than my daughter’s, who is also getting married next year.”
“Only people invited are people who are actively in their lives.”
“I’m in full support but am already getting blowback from a couple of people who expected to be invited because of their connection to me.”
“I’m telling them ‘It’s not my wedding.’ NTA.” ~ Dlynne242
“NTA… if your venue has a hard cutoff and people refuse to attend because of that that’s on them.”
“Congrats on the wedding!” ~ Majestic-Issue-3999
“NTA, it isn’t really practical to invite people who you barely know or don’t know at all to your wedding particularly when you have a budget plus the people who refused to attend your wedding weren’t your real friends to begin with because are you really gonna miss out on the wedding of a person you care about just because of smth so trivial as a plus one.” ~ No-Occasion-6758
“I agree. If someone is willing to skip your wedding over a plus one, it shows they might not value your relationship as much as you thought.”
“It’s your special day, and you should invite those who truly matter to you OP. NTA.” ~ CozyCupcakex
“NAH. If you don’t piss off a lot of people, are you EVEN getting married.” ~ Desperate-Laugh-7257
“NTA, but at the same time, how can you say a 2-year relationship of a couple who isn’t living together isn’t as important as someone who’s been dating for a year but lives together?”
“Everyone’s circumstances are different. I could see if they were dating for 6 months or are very young.”
“I do also understand it’s your wedding, so you can make whatever decision you want.” ~ Connect-Code7478
“Your wedding. Your budget. Your limits.”
“Nothing wrong with having your own parameters.”
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your reply.”
“There’s no need to have to go into a lengthy dissertation every time someone has concerns with your ‘no plus 1’ if you’re not in a specific type of relationship.”
“You will get pushback (as you’ve seen), and you may burn bridges, as some people will feel slighted and offended, but that’s on them to come to terms with.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong.” ~ GrumpyLump91
“NTA. Everyone’s wedding pictures have those ‘who is that guy’ person who has dated a sister for a week and ended up in the pictures.”
“You’ve figured out how to filter those people out while also staying within your budget” ~ wvtarheel
“NTA. Frankly, everyone who brought a plus one to our wedding who wasn’t married broke up.”
“We have a bunch of random ex-girlfriends and boyfriends in our photos.”
“They can choose to come or not.”
“If you lose a friend over this, they probably weren’t a long-term friend to begin with.” ~ Daddywags42
“I think the way you responded was rude, but you’re allowed to organize the wedding as you wish.”
“Just don’t be surprised if it alienates people.”
“Part of the reason for having a plus one is so your guests have more fun, have someone to sit with and talk to.”
“Do not be surprised if your single guests who do attend are additionally put off when they realize some people in married/engaged relationships were allowed to have a plus one.” ~ External-Comparison2
“In my country, it’s a standard to invite someone you know with their chosen partner – if you know them or not.”
“You’re NTA but they also aren’t if they don’t want to come without their partner.”
“Your answer may not be perfect, and there are better suggestions already, but remember that it’s your day, and don’t let anyone ruin it.” ~ Rabbitow
“NTA. At all.”
“They’re trying to bully and guilt you into inviting someone who’s not invited. You’re responding by letting them know you accept their no-reply.”
“They’re the aholes for trying to manipulate you into something you don’t want and can’t afford for your wedding.”
“You’re being very polite in your response to that behavior.” ~ petulafaerie_III
“NTA… you get to invite who you want.”
“I think the people getting mad at the ‘no worries’ response wanted them not coming to be a big threat that made you cave and give them a plus one.”
“Now they’re mad they overestimated their importance.” ~ Legitimate_Myth_3816
“NTA. They said no, you said okay. It comes across as cavalier, but they come across as entitled, so it’s a wash.” ~ ActualWheel6703
“We had a potential guest (part of a sports team, so was reasonably expecting an invite) tell us before invites were sent out that he declines any invite that doesn’t include his girlfriend (who none of us had ever met, slightly weirdly, though I’m confident she exists).”
“He also told us that regardless of the venue, he would ask them to bring chips during the main course.”
“Which – I’m not a chip snob, and if someone just really liked chips that would be a question I’d have no problem with them asking.”
“He specified that he asked it as a way to test the kitchen/venue.”
“He has some belief that any good venue should say yes, of course, and produce chips immediately.”
“(Our venue was not a hotel or a kitchen otherwise active, so it actually could have been quite a burden to start chips from scratch given they weren’t doing them as part of the menu).”
“I happily sent him an invite for himself, but he declined to attend.”
“I was not going to respond to his pre-manipulation by changing my plans!” ~ Fluttering_Feathers
“NTA. You invited them solo, but they declined – fair enough.”
“You accepted their refusal to come alone – fair enough.”
“You don’t owe them further discussion of your policy, or to give in to their pressure or guilting.”
“I hope you have a fabulous and fun-filled wedding!” ~ DawnShakhar
“NTA – you are responding absolutely as you should.”
“They are treating your wedding like a date night that you owe them.”
“You don’t.”
“They can choose to come to your wedding, celebrate your marriage, and hang out with people they know in attendance, or they can choose to pass.”
“You are not in the wrong with your answer because you are putting no obligation on them to come if they don’t want to.”
“They’re just trying to bully you into giving them a free night out, which clarifies for you that they aren’t really going to be at the wedding to celebrate you.” ~ KrofftSurvivor
“NTA. I would have replied differently, though. ‘Sorry to hear that. Thank you for letting us know.'”
“ETA: Or, perhaps a more neutral, ‘Understood. Thank you for letting us know.'” ~ throw05282021
Reddit is pretty clear about your response… they’re “not worried.”
Your wedding, your rules.
People need to understand about wedding expenses.
You keep focusing on your happy day.
If these people come around, great.
If not, it’s their loss.
Congratulations!