There’s no denying it, weddings are expensive.
And not only for the happy couple and their families.
Indeed, most guests also find themselves spending a bit more than they anticipated to attend weddings, be it for travel and accommodation, or to buy appropriate attire.
As having their nearest and dearest is what truly matters to them, many brides and grooms make an effort to help those who may need it.
While others find themselves making their guests, as well as their wedding party, spend even more than anticipated.
Redditor Dramatic_life10 was initially excited to be a bridesmaid for a friend’s upcoming wedding.
Knowing this friend has a history of money problems, the original poster (OP) and the other bridesmaids agreed to help her out.
Unfortunately, the bride-to-be’s expectations of the amount of help her bridesmaids would provide proved a bit beyond what they expected.
Eventually leading the OP to confront the bride about this, leading to less than ceremonious consequences.
Fearing she may have stepped out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to spend $130 on a bridesmaid bouquet when I’m the bridesmaid?”
The OP explained why she felt the need to confront her soon-to-be-married friend:
“I was a part of one of my close friends bridal parties, she’s always struggled financially a little bit and now she’s getting married.”
“She asked if us bridesmaids could pay for the dresses, we said yes.”
“Then she asked if we could pay for our own bouquets; I said, of course, to help her out, but later to find out that the bouquets were going to be more expensive than the dress at $130 each!”
“She chose the most expensive bouquets, and I’ve offered even to make all of them myself, but she’s refused because these are the ones she wants.”
“I’m the youngest bridesmaid, only in my early 20s. Some of the other girls didn’t seem too eager about it, but I was the only one who said something to the bride. I was polite and just tried to let her know that I have other financial commitments, and spending $130 on flowers that will be thrown away after the wedding seems a little steep.”
“She’s now removed me as a bridesmaid, I’m not sure what to do, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to pay for her wedding bouquet.
Everyone agreed that the OP was absolutely right to put the bride in her place, as she was being selfish and ungrateful by demanding her friends spend exorbitant amounts of money when they were trying to ease her financial distress.
Many thought the OP probably dodged a bullet by being let go from the wedding party:
“NTA.”
“If she couldn’t afford the flowers, how can she expect you to?”
“Just go with the flow. I know she was/is your friend, and she will either figure it out or she won’t.”
“Brides anymore want more than they can afford and are now expecting bridesmaids to pick up the costs of all the incidentals, such as flowers, bachelorette parties, 3-day weekend trips, jewelry.”
“It gets crazy. If she doesn’t ask you back then be thankful you don’t have to deal with it, you will probably find the next bridesmaid has a worse time than you have had.”
“If she asks you back your choice but tell her you can’t afford the flowers.”- MrsNobodyspecial67
“NTA.”
“‘She’s now removed me as a bridesmaid, I’m not sure what to do, AITA’.”
“Be glad & relieved you don’t have to pay anything now/jeopardize your finances for a selfish entitled AH.”
“I’ve gone real hard on her being TA for expecting others to fund her as opposed to being grateful for how kind you all were paying for your dresses but most of all for treating you like sh*t when you offered to make the bouquets.”- Apart-Ad-6518
“NTA $130 for a bridesmaid bouquet?!”
“And the bride expects the bridesmaids to pay for it?!”
“Oh, heck no!”
“You friend has champagne taste and a beer pocketbook.”
“Your friend is shameless and tacky as all get out.”
“She’s now removed me as a bridesmaid, I’m not sure what to do.”
“Count your blessings.”- Peony-Pony
“It’s normal to pay for a dress if you get to choose the style (if the bride insists on everyone being in the same exact dress, I’ve heard she should foot the bill).”
“It’s also normal to pay for hair & makeup if the service is offered (but I’ve also heard the same where if the bride wants everyone done the same- it’s her expense).”
“It is NOT normal to expect bridesmaids to pay for their bouquets, and if the bride can’t afford her vision, she either needs to change her vision or consider alternative routes like artificial flowers.”
“NTA and be thankful you’re no longer a bridesmaid- I can only imagine how much more outrageous her requests throughout the wedding will become.”- dirtynerdy585
“NTA, she should be having a wedding that is within her means.”
“Sounds like she wants the ceremony more than the marriage.”
“Make sure you ask for a refund for whatever you paid towards the dress since it was her choice to remove you.”- maj0rdisappointment
“NTA.”
“Wear your bridesmaid dress, if you’ve already purchased it, and attend as a guest.”-AffectionateYoung300
“NTA.”
“As for what to do now?”
“Realize that your friend is showing her true colours: she’s having difficulty with her own finances but is treating your support as a blank cheque.”
“You’d think she’d understand that you don’t have much money either, but no.”- calling_water
“NTA.”
“That is cheap as hell asking bridesmaids to pay for their flowers.”- Equivalent_Win8966
“You thank your lucky stars you got out.”
“NTA.”- Cultural_Section_862
“What to do?”
“It’s been done, you’re out of the bridal party.”
“Good riddance.”
“NTA for speaking out.”- CheekPowerful8369
“NTA.”
“IIt’s kind of absurd that she can’t afford the flowers but expects you to pay for them without any issues…$130 for 1 bouquet of flowers is outrageous.”- Pizza_Lvr
“NTA.”
“She did you a favor because now you don’t have to spend any money on this wedding.”-DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA
“NTA.”
“Paying for your dress is normal in the US but asking people to shell out $130 for bridesmaid bouquets is wild imo.”
“If the bride cannot afford to provide bridesmaids flowers at her own wedding, she shouldn’t have them.”
“I would be grateful that I was no longer in the wedding because I’m sure she’ll end up tacking on more fees for other things.”- Zealousideal-Divide6
“You don’t have to do anything but return the dress, and do something fun on her wedding day NTA.”- SnooRadishes8848
“NTA.”
“Return the dress and move on.”
“You have learned what kind of person she really is and are better of without the drama.”-
WhoKnewHomesteading
“You are NTA.”
“It is de rigueur for bridesmaids to pay for their attire.”
“They do NOT pay for their flowers.”
“It was gracious of you to agree to pay for your bouquets, given that she cannot afford her wedding.”
“It is unacceptable for her to select an arrangement that costs $130.”
“What you should do is CELEBRATE!”
“I’m sorry that you lost the cost of the dress, but at least you don;t have to be in this tacky wedding.”- EmceeSuzy
“NTA!”
“That’s absolutely ridiculous!”
“This whole brides wanting/demanding what they can’t afford is way out of hand!”
“I blame social media.”
“People see $100k weddings and feel like that’s the norm.”
“No it isn’t.”
“Asking your bridal party to pay for their clothes is normal.”
“Asking them to pay for ANYTHING else isn’t!”- SufficientComedian6
“NTA.”
“She’s now removed me as a bridesmaid, I’m not sure what to do?”
“Rejoice.”- Moto_Hiker
“NTA.”
“Its customers for the bridesmaids to pay for their own dress.”
“The groom’s family is supposed to pay for the flowers for the bridal party.”
“I’m sure it doesn’t always happen, but to make you pay $130 extra isn’t nice or necessary.”
“I would have said something as well, and it was nice you offered to make it.”
“The fact that she isn’t wealthy but expects this makes it worse.”
“I understand it’s hurtful, but she did you a favor by removing you.”
“She needs to grow up and get over herself.”- Final-Context6625
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment, and also her current plans regarding the wedding:
“Thanks to everyone for clarifying what I was doubting myself for!”
“And also, for everyone saying to go as a guest, the bride said to me that I could attend the ‘after party’ if I wanted to.”
“I have been uninvited from the whole wedding.”
It seems this bride misunderstood what the OP and the other bridesmaids offered.
They said they would help her financially, not pay for everything themselves.
It’s an old cliché that bridesmaids are often jealous of the bride.
If the remaining bridesmaids are jealous of anyone, it’s most likely the OP.
Who spared herself from enduring any more of this bride’s demanding behavior.