Though we're in 2022, it seems there are still people who don't understand that wedding plans made by the wedding party should be respected by the guests.
There especially seem to be ongoing issues with wearing white and abusing plus-one privileges, agreed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor AITAmaybebridezilla was completing her last-minute preparations for her wedding when a friend called her, inquiring about what to wear for the wedding.
When the friend refused to respect the bride's wishes, the Original Poster (OP) considered uninviting her friend from the wedding.
She asked the sub:
"WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) if I disinvited a guest from my wedding because of the color of her dress?"
The OP recently advised a friend about what to wear to her wedding.
"My (23 Female) wedding is at the start of August and I've been confirming RSVPs this weekend to finalize seating and catering, etc."
"I ended up chatting with one of my uni friends, 'B' (24 Female), and we got onto the topic of clothes for the wedding."
"B was saying how excited she was to dress up as she hasn't been invited to a non-family wedding before."
"Now while we are both British, B is ethnically white, whereas I am South Asian."
"She said she wanted to wear a sari to my wedding, so I told her a few places she could get a nice one, and she went shopping. I did tell her that red was our bridal color so it should be avoided."
But her friend didn't listen to the OP's advice.
"In my community, you don't wear bridal colors, whatever they may be, at the wedding reception itself. The sangeet, mehndi, etc., are different."
"But now she's saying that she fell in love with a red and gold sari and has bought it."
"I told her that's the color of my bridal gown and she needs to find another outfit."
"She said she's sure it won't matter on the day, but like... that's the equivalent of someone wearing a white dress to a western wedding."
The OP was considering uninviting her friend over this.
"I don't have a problem with her wearing a sari, I have a problem with her colors and the fact that she doesn't care when I've explained to her the cultural connotations."
"She's refusing to compromise and change her outfit because she loves it so much and she won't have another occasion in which it's appropriate for her to wear a sari."
"I don't want someone wearing red and gold on my wedding day."
"WIBTA if I uninvited her over this?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the friend should absolutely be uninvited from the wedding.
"What she's doing is the equivalent of someone wearing white to a white wedding. I know many cultures wear white for the wedding, but I'm unsure of the exact term."
"So you're absolutely well within your rights to uninvite her. However, I'd advise speaking to her one more time and really emphasizing why it's not okay while making the comparison to a white wedding."
"At the end of the day, it's your and your hubby's day! Make it one that is enjoyable for you. You're paying for it after all. Not your friend."
"NTA." - Prestigious_Candle_4
"You've asked her beforehand not to pick that color specifically because it would be something you'd have."
"You don't turn up to a wedding wearing white either as you said, it's ludicrous."
"If she can't respect it then she doesn't need to be there either."
"NTA." - MsLollister
"NTA. You already told her to avoid red, and while she may have fallen in love with a red sari, she already knew red was off-limits and could have fallen in love with another one rather than buying the red one."
"She thinks by saying she already has it and won't have any other occasion to wear it is her trying to pressure you to give in."
"Uninvite her, she is not your true friend." - Jennypenny_03
"I bet that she wouldn't demand to wear a white gown to a western-style wedding simply because she liked white. So, it is curious that since it is a culture not her own that she doesn't see the need to respect not wearing the same color as the bride."
"It doesn't matter that she wants to play dress-up and feels entitled to wear whatever color that she wants. She can stay home if she can't respect a basic wedding request." - Electrical_Date_3951
"She was told 'no red,' but she thinks just because she liked it best, she should wear it."
"I bet she liked it best because it was for a bride. It is like going into a gown shop and saying, 'I like the white wedding dress best and I just want to wear it because it looks best!' Bridal suits always look better."
"She ignored the wishes of the bride from the beginning. She is disrespectful."
"The wedding isn't about her. I would uninvite her. Why stress yourself more with this person? NTA." - EvilFinch
"NTA."
"She's insisting on wearing a wedding dress to your wedding. She can stay at home and wear it there." - banjo_fandango
"First off, if I'm the white woman attending a South Asian wedding, I'm only wearing a sari if the bride or groom invites me to do so. Then I'm asking what are the colors to avoid and then DO SO!"
"NTA, she's being rude and entitled. This is your and your husband's day. You've not made an unreasonable request, she intends to ignore your wishes."
"Disinvite!" - BadWolf7426
Others agreed and thought the friend was being selfish and entitled.
"NTA."
"How incredibly selfish can she be that she bought a sari in the color you specifically told her not to buy. Then when you reiterate that she'll be wearing the same colors as your sari, she won't change."
"She doesn't sound much like a friend to me." - Talathia
"Super selfish and entitled, this would be a friendship ender for me and she'd absolutely be uninvited."
"This woman thinks her own feelings of 'falling in love with a sari she'll never get to wear' is more important than the bride's only explicit request."
"In other words, dressing up is more important to her than actually being there to support her friend and participate in their culture on their wedding day. Girl, bye. NTA." - -DollFace
"The 'I'm sure it won't matter' is what struck me the most. Her friend, the bride, is outwardly telling her over and over that it matters, and she is pretending like she doesn't hear her. I have a feeling she is used to bullying her friends."
"OP, I would let her know that she can either return it for a different color, and show that she actually gives a d**n about the words that come out of your mouth, or she can wear it at home."
"I would also ask her if she would dare wear a white wedding dress to a friend's wedding. If the answer is no, then ask why she values your wedding traditions less than western traditions? Make her feel awkward." - anneofred
"NTA she's valuing her experience of getting to wear Indian clothing over your wedding. She can cosplay somewhere else." - Pale-Procedure895
"No, you would not be the AH. You told her specifically that red and gold are off-limits, as this would be the same as wearing white."
"She can return the dress and buy another, more appropriately colored sari, and her reluctance to do so is her telling you she cares more about how she looks on your day than your actual wedding and traditions."
"That is very disrespectful." - formerlythere
"if it was a floor-length white evening gown at a western-style wedding, this would be the same, but she (the maybe-not-anymore-guest) doesn't seem to understand."
"I think instead of strictly uninviting her, tell her for the 100th time that what she bought is a bridal gown and what you will wear, so it's inappropriate for her to wear as well."
"Then warn her if she comes in it, she won't be let in, and follow through with it. Makes it more obvious to everyone that it's her own fault, not yours, and not any kind of 'bridezilla' behavior, at least in my opinion. NTA of course." - bubblegumieb***h
Not only did the subReddit think that the OP would not be in the wrong for disinviting her friend from her wedding, but they also questioned in the friend was really a friend at all, or simply an entitled attendee.
She likely did find a really beautiful sari, and perhaps one that she genuinely loved, but she knew which colors were off-limits for this particular wedding and should have planned accordingly.
The fact that she was valuing her desires for what she wore at the wedding above the bride's simple request spoke volumes about her character.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.