Many little girls (and boys, too) begin to picture their dream wedding from the time they hear their first fairy tale.
From flowers to cake to music and, of course, the dress, they know exactly what they want by the time the even find “the one.”
Some choose details that are nostalgic or carry on a tradition from generations before; some choose to go the modern route and orchestrate the entire production from scratch.
Regardless, the heart wants what the heart wants… despite any obstacles that may lie in the way of their perfect wedding.
A woman on Reddit is devastated that her fiancé and his family berated her after she refused to wear her future sister-in-law’s gifted wedding dress because she wanted to wear her mother’s, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Capital_Manager_7070 asked:
“AITA for refusing to wear the wedding dress my SIL gave to me as a ‘wedding gift?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I(f[emale]/27[) met my fiance Jacob (m[ale]/31) when I was 21.”
“We’ve been together for 6 years and engaged for almost a year out of those.”
“My mother’s wedding dress has been passed down for generations, and I remember being a little girl dreaming of walking down the aisle in it.”
“We have recently been wedding planning and we were invited to a dinner hosted by my fiance’s family that was on Sunday.”
“When we arrived, we greeted everyone and sat at the table to eat.”
“SIL stood up and tapped her spoon against her glass and said that she had to make a toast.”
“She then said she would be right back before going into another room and returning with a large plastic bag.”
“Everyone seemed to be excited but I just felt confused.”
“I awkwardly smiled as I asked SIL what was inside the bag.”
“She opened it up to reveal her wedding dress from her wedding, which was 2 years ago.”
“Everyone began clapping as SIL announced that this was her official wedding gift to us and she wanted to me to wear her dress at the wedding.”
“I tried to smile but I guess I didn’t do a good job of hiding my disappointment and everyone began asking me what was wrong.”
“I tried to explain how I wanted to wear my mother’s dress and that it was nothing personal, but that I refused to wear my SIL’s dress.”
“My SIL began crying as my in-laws began tearing into me and comforting her.”
“I just burst into tears and ran outside.”
“My fiance didn’t even come after me and after crying my eyes out on the steps for what felt like hours, he finally came outside and yelled at me to get into the car.”
“I was so confused, but I got into the car just to hear him berate me on how I had made such a big scene and embarrassed him infront of his family.”
“He sounded so mad and he even said he couldn’t believe he chose to marry such a ‘b*tchy c*nt’ (his exact words).”
“My fiance also said how SIL was just trying to be nice and that her dress was more modern compared to my mother’s dress which looked like an ‘old rag’ (also his exact words).”
“I tried to tell him how much my mother’s wedding dress meant to me because I promised her that I would wear it.”
“I felt like my fiance’s family planned this and put me on the spot, thinking I wouldn’t stand up for myself and just agree to wear SIL’s dress.”
“I don’t think I did anything wrong but a part of me thinks I should have just gone along with it and then told SIL in private that I wouldn’t be wearing the dress.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in, declaring not only is OP not the a**hole (NTA), but also urging her to get out of the relationship altogether.
“Ma’am you need to leave that whole family behind including your fiance Definitely NTA.”
“You just had a peak into your future if you carry on with this relationship” – No_Order_9676
“The problem doesn’t exist as the wedding shouldn’t be happening anymore.” – Top_Sherbert_2918
“NTA I want to bet SIL did this cause the fiance has been complaining about the ‘old rag’ OP wants to wear.”
“It’s bad enough he wants to dictate what OP will be wearing and does it in this manipulating way, but count in the complete disregard of her attachment to mom’s dress, not having her back or checking on her, yelling, guilt tripping her, calling names and completely disregarding her feelings and I can only make one conclusion:”
“He is a POS and you need to leave him now!”
“DO NOT GET MARRIED!!!”
“I know this sucks, but you deserve way better!”
“You will find someone who actually cares about you.”
“Sadly your fiance is not that man.” – Elliewick
“NTA – Tell him not to worry he won’t be marrying you and then get away from him!” – hip_hop_sweetheart
“Run run so fast and so far. He called something important to you an old rag.”
“This is not going to get better.” – Striking_Rip851
“The dress is not the issue – this is the issue: his vile language and lack of support for you.”
“Please don’t marry him.”
“And who makes a public show of handing down their own wedding dress without checking if that’s welcome?”
“Is she just trying to feel good about not wanting to buy a present?”
“Seems cheap and tacky.”
“ESH except you.” – Sea-Still5427
“Don’t marry him.”
“I made that mistake and it does not end well.”
“NTA. Please be safe” – GingerbreadWitch_878
“It’s not normal for future SIL’s to gift’ you their wedding dress and cry because you don’t want it.”
“It’s not healthy that your finance didn’t stop his family from tearing into you for his sister’s frankly bizarre behavior nor check on you when you left the table.”
“The way he talked to you is abusive and unacceptable.”
“NTA”
“Please reconsider this relationship.” – Radiant_Humor5110
“Run as fast as you can.”
“They want to control and manipulate you.”
“outta here.” – Egbert_64
“DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN”
“This will be your married life forever.”
“He’ll never support you, stand up for you, and he’ll let his family bully you.”
“Call off the wedding.”
“Throw the whole man in the bin.” – Immediate_Mud_2858
Many also shared their relief that, as heartbreaking as it is, OP’s fiancé showed his true colors before they were legally bound.
“NTA. But be thankful that he is showing you who he really is before you marry him.”
“You have just had a glimpse of what your future is going to look like if you go through with your wedding.” – Affectionate-Tap1967
“If a man calls you a “b*tchy c*nt” then he is not the man you want to have and to hold until death do we part” – Rawrsome_Mommy
“The fact that he used two misogynistic slurs in one breath while berating you for not wanting to wear his sister’s dress is reason enough to cancel the wedding.”
“The fact that your fiance’s family was tearing into you for your polite refusal is a sign you don’t want to be part of that family.”
“It was a kind offer from SIL, but you want to wear your mother’s dress, which is reasonable (And are you and SIL even the same size?)”
“And it sounds as if your refusal was kind.”
“Glad you found out how horrible this guy and his family are before you married him.”
“NTA” – DaniCapsFan
“You’re lucky. You just got a preview of married life.”
“Run.” – Magdovus
“Lovely, please get away from these people.”
“As much as this situation sucks, view it as a gift.”
“Your SIL finally made your in laws and your Fiancé show their true colors.”
“This is not a person or family you want to be married into.”
“A wedding dress is very special because it’s meant to symbolize the person wearing it.”
“If your dream is to wear your Mother’s dress, that’s what you should be wearing.”
“I kinda can’t help but wonder if this was sabotage by your SIL.”
“She should know how special a wedding dress is and should have spoken to you first before announcing she would be gifting you her wedding dress.” – Bonnm42
“He did you a favour in showing you his A**hole side before the wedding, there is still time to not marry this sh*t.”
“I encourage you strongly to overthink if this is the man you want to be with for the rest of your life.”
“He might be a nice person in general, but when he turns to insults this fast over something so little, I think he might not be the one.”
“He should have known that SIL dress is not an option and defended you, but he did the exact opposite.”
“NTA but you are about to marry a very big AH.” – DrRaumfisch
It sounds like OP has a lot of thinking and acting to do in the very near future.
Thankfully, however, her fellow Redditors were able to comfort OP and assure her that she had not committed any wrongdoing.