A bride-to-be planned a date to go wedding dress shopping with her family and never saw the conflict waiting for her.
Part of the reason for the drama is that she now lives in a different state from her family.
She moved ahead with plans after she assumed there would no issue, but she may have been presumptuous.
Curious to seek judgment on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, Redditor Euphoriaj12 asked:
“AITA for making my wedding dress shopping on a day my sister can’t go and not changing it.”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I 20 f[female] am getting married to my fiancé 23 m[ale] in October 2025. And my sister 29 f[female] and mom 61f[female] are refusing to go wedding dress shopping with me.”
“I recently moved to Georgia and will be having the wedding in Georgia, however the rest of my family lives in Florida. So I choose to go wedding dress shopping in Florida so my family can come with.”
“I picked a date to go, November 9th, and cleared it in with my mom and future mother-in-law. However, my sister’s husband’s birthday is November 10th. So she said it should be okay, but she’s not 100% sure yet.”
“I took that as she could most likely come since it’s not his birthday, and I only need a few hours. This specific weekend is good for me and my fiancé to fly down because he has this specific weekend off for training and no other weekend around this time( we work opposite schedules).”
“I wanted him to come to Florida with me not to go to the appointment, but so I could have him by my side otherwise and share the excitement. I also wanted us to fly down together so we could visit each other’s families.”
The OP continued:
“However when I called today and told my sister and mom the plan they started yelling at me, they said my sisters husband has his birthday weekend that weekend. I said it should be fine because it is the day before his actual birthday.”
“They told me they might want to take a trip for his birthday weekend and that I need to change my date. I told them why can’t they go the weekend before or after or maybe just leave later in the day for the trip.”
“They told me to change it and I said no because I cleared it with both of them and there didn’t seem to be a problem, and that my fiancé can’t come down with me any other time.”
“They both screamed and cried, telling me I was making my sister choose between her husband and me and telling me I was being selfish; my mother then said she was not going dress shopping with me that day and I could just go by myself.”
“She then hung up on me and texted me this:
‘This weekend should be all about the girls. You should pick a weekend you know everyone can go. Not say this is the day and f’k you if you can’t go.’
‘You can choose any other weekend. You’re not considering other people’s feelings. Your sister really wants to go. And it could be that her husband doesn’t even want to go. But when you’re doing something that involves several people, you have to consider them as well. Or just do the whole damn thing by yourself.’
The OP added:
“My sister has since texted me and told me she can go on the 9th now but I’m hurt by it and don’t even know if I want them to go anymore.”
“This isn’t the first time they did this, they also complained because I’m having my wedding on Halloween and that it’s inconsiderate to my niece which might want to go trick or treating that day(she is 4) .”
“I told my sister she didn’t have to go and she is an adult who can make her own decisions. Am I the a**hole?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA; you set a date, they said Ok, then they changed their plans. Your family are total AHs here, and you should point out that they already agreed and that you spent money based on their agreement, and if they want you to change the date, they need to pay for your expenses to do so.” – MarathonRabbit69
“OP made the plans, communicated them, and her sister wasn’t clear about her availability at first. It’s not selfish to stick with a date that works for her and her fiancee.” – kellycapricex
“Holy f’k, NTA. Your mom and sister have lost their minds.”
“Do not respond to your mom. Your sister has already said she can make the 9th. Great! Respond to her, ‘Awesome news! See you then.’ “
“Your mother owes you an apology. If she decides to honour you with her presence, she should be doing so with a full and sincere apology. If not, enjoy the day with your future MIL and sister.” – thegloracle
“NTA. Is this a one-off or standard behavior? If it’s standard behavior, start distancing yourself from these two, they be toxic.”
“Take a hard look at this. Is that ‘crazy’ feeling a lifetime of walking on eggshells to not set them (especially mom) off? Do you always feel like you are the problem (because they tell you that)?”
“This entire post reads as straight-up emotional abuse. They set you up as a power play. Sis’s plans in no way impacted your mom’s availability. She is just throwing a tantrum. Adults do not scream and cry to get their way.”
“Her text is all about how you are the problem and how they are the victims. She also called you selfish. She berated you for not planning around others when that is specifically what you did. These are all classic abusive behaviors.”
“Abuse is not only physical. Mental abuse can be very damaging.”
“You’re not the problem. Abusers do not accept boundaries because that gives you control, not them. Abusers make their victims the problem to ‘justify’ the abuse.”
“There is this thing called ‘normalization.’ When a child is abused systematically, it becomes all they know. They begin to accept it as normal and no longer question if it is right or wrong. They begin to think all families are like theirs.”
“It is difficult to break out of that. It is hard for the abused to realize they are the victim because abusers flip the script so they look like the victims.”
“Disclaimer, not a therapist. I just lived through two abusive parents and a toxic extended family.” – WhereWeretheAdults
“OP, don’t buy a dress in a location where you can’t return for fittings and alterations. It’s not going to be good for you, especially when added to the stress of dealing with your VERY difficult family. NTA.” – everellie
“NTA. your mom sounds insufferable. you are already bending over backwards to dress shop in florida, and you cleared the date with them beforehand. them gaslighting you and calling you selfish and forcing you to go alone is manipulative. you DID make sure everyone could go!” – hotguysarehot
“NTA uninvite them dress shopping and go with your mother in law and any bridesmaids. Also consider not have your pick me sister in the wedding party she is going to make it about her.”
“Let your mom know you took her generous advice and decided they should NOT come to the dress shopping because r their schedule is more important. Send your brother in law a text wishing him the happiest birthday ever that morning.” – New_Day684
“NTA. You’ve made reasonable efforts to accommodate your family by traveling to Florida for dress shopping and choosing a date that fits your and your fiancé’s busy schedules.”
“Your sister initially said she could probably make it, and the appointment isn’t even on her husband’s actual birthday. It’s understandable that you want your fiancé to be there for the trip, and you’re not asking for much time from your sister.”
“Their reaction—yelling and refusing to go—seems unfair and overblown. You’re not forcing your sister to choose between her husband and you, as there are ways to balance both. It’s your wedding, and it’s important to stick to plans that work for you, especially when you’ve tried to include everyone.”
“You’re not being selfish; you’re simply prioritizing what works best for your life and relationship.” – EmiOA
“Woah. These sound like people you may not want around for much of the wedding planning (hope I’m wrong). NTA for refusing to change the date as it’s not a refusal, it’s a matter of availability. Idk if I’d exclude them now that your sister is available.”
“I think it would make it worse, and you don’t need that stress. But if possible, I would talk to them first and let them know there’s no wiggle room on dates. You are happy to have them join if it works out for them. But maybe you can’t talk to them.”
“I couldn’t with my mother. In that case, you might want to limit other visits for planning purposes to just your fiancé. Family drama 🙄 Based on this sub, it seems unavoidable at weddings.” – Aware_Welcome_8866
Overall, Redditors thought that the wedding dress shopping trumped tentative birthday celebration plans for someone not blood-related and that the day of the nuptials also took priority over her four-year-old niece’s trick-or-treating plans.
Redditors also had empathy for the OP given that her family, especially her mother, was being very manipulative.