Ultimately, the ones who have the final say when it comes to wedding planning should be the happy couple and no one else. That doesn’t stop other people from expressing their thoughts and opinions.
Even after the wedding has come and gone, some people are forward enough to openly share what they would have done differently.
Some even have the gall to express their unwanted opinions during the actual wedding.
Among the many things Redditor kingbuggulug and her new husband had in common was their diet.
As a result, the original poster (OP)’s wedding menu was kept to their dietary restrictions.
Something the OP and her husband made very clear in their invitations.
Even so, this didn’t stop one of their guests from declaring that their menu choice was “disrespectful” to her and other guests.
This same guest even went so far as to make a demand to the OP on her wedding day, which the OP flatly refused to acquiesce.
Wondering if she could have handled things better, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to label my wedding cake as vegan because a guest felt ‘tricked’?”
The OP explained why one of her wedding guests felt “tricked” and “disrespected” owing to her wedding menu, specifically the cake:
“My husband (32 M[ale]) and I (30 F[emale]) had a vegan wedding because we’re both vegan.”
“We made it clear in advance that the food and cake would be plant-based, and no one complained—until the reception.”
“The cake was gorgeous: three tiers decorated with edible flowers.”
“Toward the end of the night, one of my husband’s aunts, Linda, came up to me looking visibly upset.”
“She said it was ‘disrespectful’ to have a vegan cake on display because it felt like I was ‘pushing my lifestyle’ on everyone.”
“I told her the cake wasn’t meant to make a statement, it was just the dessert we chose for our wedding.”
“She insisted I either move the cake off the main table or add a sign saying it was vegan so people weren’t ‘tricked’ into eating it.”
“I refused because: 1) It was my wedding, 2) It’s a cake, not propaganda, and 3) No one else seemed to care.”
“Linda ended up storming out, and now my in-laws are saying I should’ve compromised to avoid drama.”
“I think Linda’s reaction was ridiculous, but my husband thinks I could’ve just put up a sign to keep the peace.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community. overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to label her wedding cake.
Everyone agreed with the OP that Linda’s reaction was, indeed, ridiculous, feeling it would have felt much more that she was pushing her vegan lifestyle on her guests if she had labeled the cake as vegan.
The only way she would have “tricked” any of the guests was if the cake was not vegan, as she and her husband made their menu abundantly clear in the invitations:
“NTA.”
“The whole thing was vegan.”
“It was your wedding, your choice.”
“I wouldn’t feel tricked by eating a vegan cake at all.”
“She has some issues.”
“Let her seethe and be upset.”
“You don’t owe her anything.”
“Putting up a sign would have rewarded her bad, entitled behavior.”
“You had no reason to do it.”- blueeyedwolff
“NTA.”
“Should you also put a sign up if you serve broccoli?”
“You’re not tricking anyone into eating something they’re allergic to, or tricking vegans into eating a non-vegan cake.”
“This is just absent of certain ingredients.”
“The horror.”- Bootastical
”Someone should tell Linda about Oreos.”
“NTA.”- louisiana_lagniappe
“NTA.”
“The only things you are obligated to include are allergens, dietary and religious food exemptions.”
“Being Vegan, unless they are allergic to something like soy, is not something you HAVE to put.”
‘In fact, it’s actually more time consuming to label something Vegan, because every ingredient has to be outright vetted to be not animal based to be legally labeled as vegan in the first place, like Kosher or Halal, there are rules and guidelines you have to follow.”
“Linda is being incredibly ridiciulous, and no, a sign to appease people being dumb is not the answer.”
“This is the kind of person that would have complained, sign or no by the sounds of it.”-AnonAnontheAnony
“NTA.”
“You already told everyone all the catering would be vegan.”
“No reason to expect the cake should be any different.”
“Not sure what she was expecting here.”
“Let her have her tantrum. Don’t ever invite her to dinner.”- alien_overlord_1001
“What’s even the difference between a vegan cake and non-vegan cake?”
“Substitutions for eggs and dairy?”
“It’s not like you snuck Linda a grilled leaf patty dressed up as a sirloin steak or whatever she thinks vegan food is like, it’s just a few changed ingredients.”
“There’s hardly even a difference!”
“And either way you have the right to serve whatever you like at your own wedding.”
“It’s a party celebrating you and your husband, hosted by you and your husband, and both of you are vegan.”
“Ergo, the food served at the wedding is vegan, so that you (vegan) and your husband (also vegan) can eat it (because you both are vegan).”
“Surely Linda had to know this fact about you both if she was relevant enough to be invited in the first place.”
“The ONLY way Linda’s criticisms would hold any merit at all would be if she’d either had a genuine concern, expressed RESPECTFULLY, about some allergen commonly found in vegan food, OR if she had discovered that the wedding had only ever secretly been a villainous front to trap your hapless relatives, and indoctrinate the family into partaking in your wicked vegan schemes.”
“But simply existing and serving food catered to your own dietary preferences does not constitute tricking your guests.”
“Linda is an entitled a**hole.”
“You are NTA. I hope the cake was good and that you both enjoy your honeymoon!”- wilderneyes
“NTA.”
“So sick of these posts and how people act over eating one vegan meal that someone else is paying for.”
“You didn’t tell her she had to eat vegan from now on.”
“It was one meal and dessert, that was provided to her at no cost.”
“So her options are to eat it or not.”
“End of story.”- Strange_Jackfruit_89
“NTA!”
“I’m not vegan, but I have had plenty of vegan dishes.”
“Some dishes just are vegan without even having thought about it.”
“If the cake’s delicious, who really is going to care about the lack of animal based ingredients?”- Next-Dimension-9479
“NTA.”
“Your wedding, your choice.”
“If y’all both are vegan, it was perfectly logical to assume you’d serve vegan food at YOUR wedding.”- Pleasant_Pack_6464
“NTA.”
“”She said it was “disrespectful” to have a vegan cake on display because it felt like I was “pushing my lifestyle” on everyone’.”
“…so she thinks you shouldn’t be able to eat your own cake?”
“One meal does not a vegan make.”
“You had disclosed the food would be vegan in advance – expecting additional labelling when everything is vegan is ridiculous.”
“And to expect you to move it off the main table!”
“‘my in-laws are saying I should’ve compromised to avoid drama’.”
“They should go to the source of the drama – your husband’s aunt.”
“Unfortunately I’ve found many times folks would rather placate and coddle their siblings.”- Kettlewise
“That’s absurd.”
“Linda is not well.”
“Neither are your In-laws.”
“NTA.”- Aylauria
“NTA.”
“What did she expect?”
“You to get a cake you couldn’t eat?”
“Apparently Aunt Linda will pass away if she eats a vegan cake!”- Jerseygirl2468
“NTA.”
“My extended family has quite a few vegans in it.”
“TBH I can’t tell the difference taste-wise most of the time between a vegan cake and a non-vegan one.”
“I only know it’s vegan if I know who baked it.”- AussieKoala-2795
“NTA.”
“Linda is acting crazy and enabling her is not ‘keeping the peace’.”
“Ignore them.”
“Linda will have some other fake slight to overreact to soon enough.”- imyourkidnotyourmom
“NTA.”
“Linda is an entitled idiot and apparently her family are used to tolerating her antics.”
“Interesting that she came to you and not her nephew.”
“Why don’t her family tell Linda to keep the peace and drop the drama?”
“Oh, it’s because she’s an idiot and they don’t trust her to be sensible.”
“Stop discussing it but keep an eye on your husband’s inclination to keep the peace.”- Firm-Molasses-4913
One has to wonder if Linda had ever been to a wedding before this one.
Displaying a wedding cake is a pretty common practice.
If she had, one could only wonder if Linda complained to those brides and grooms about not labeling their cake as chocolate, carrot, or containing nuts or dairy.
Based on her behavior, chances are it’s not hard for Linda to find something to complain about.