One of the biggest wedding concerns is the fashion of the wedding party.
Every couple wants their wedding party to be stunning.
But not so stunning as to show up the happy couple.
So that’s why what the bridesmaids will wear can stir up a bit of drama.
Case in point…
Redditor Bright_Ad_2563 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not buying a bridesmaid’s dress for my friend’s wedding?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I 25 F[emale] have a friend Ava 25 F.”
“She is getting married and asked me to be her bridesmaid, and I agreed.”
“Her theme for bridesmaids was a sunset, so she asked us all to wear yellow/orange/pink dresses to match the theme.”
“I went to my brother’s wedding a few years ago, and my S[ister] I[n] L[aw]’s bridesmaid theme was a yellow dress.”
“It is a beautiful dress and was very expensive for me as a college student.”
“My brother agreed to pay more than half, which made it a lot more affordable, but that dress isn’t wearable outside of special occasions, and I’ve only worn it once outside the wedding.”
“I told Ava I had a dress for her wedding when we were out with a friend, and my friend asked oh, is it the one you wore for SIL’s and brother’s wedding?”
“So I said yeah and showed them a picture of me in the dress.”
“Ava then said she would want me to get a new dress for her wedding as I’ve worn my yellow one before and people have seen it.”
“I was confused by this as even if people have seen it it doesn’t matter?”
“My SIL was the year above me in school, so we do share mutual friends that I saw at her wedding, and some of them will be at Ava’s wedding, but I don’t want to buy a brand new dress.”
“Bridesmaid dresses are expensive, and I don’t get wear out of them afterward, so they sit in my closet.”
“I haven’t been to many weddings though, only my brother’s that I remember and a few cousins when I was much younger so maybe this is some wedding etiquette that I need to brush up on?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole, others felt a bit different.
“NTA. Why on Earth would it matter that you have worn it before it’s not like people are going to look back in years to come and think ‘Oh what a beautiful wedding, shame the bridesmaid re-wore their dress from a previous wedding.'” ~ Llink3483
“My best friend and my SIL got married the same weekend.”
“My best friend’s wedding was Saturday and I was in it.”
“My (now) husband joked that I should re-wear the dress to his sister’s wedding the next day to get my money’s worth.”
“I had no intention of doing so as it was clearly a wedding party dress, and I was not in SIL’s wedding.”
“My SIL saw a photo of the dress and loved it so much she insisted I wear it.”
“So not only did I wear it twice, both times were the same weekend.” ~ ohlookanugget
“I’ve never been able to re-wear a bridesmaids dress.”
“If I was a guest at this wedding and I knew she was able to wear the dress twice I’d be so heckin jazzed for her that the bride would no longer exist to me.”
“And that goes double if the dress in question has pockets.”
“Just kidding, but only kinda.” ~ Element_Girl
“My SIL texted me after seeing the bridesmaid dress I wore to a friend’s wedding to say it matched her colors (she did shades of blue and different styles instead of all exactly the same).”
“She told me I could wear it again as her bridesmaid because there was no point buying another very similar dress.”
“Everyone was impressed I got to wear a bridesmaid dress twice (because that rarely happens).”
“Especially the original bride who picked it out (showed she had good taste that another bride felt it matched her theme).” ~ you-will-be-ok
“It’s hysterical to think anyone would give two sh**s about what someone wears to a wedding.”
“Only the bride cares. No one else. It’s just ridiculous.”
“Tell her if the yellow dress will not work – she can buy you a new one, but you’re not paying for it.”
“Tell her NO ONE CARES!!”
“Not one single person will look back at her pictures anyway.”
“It’s a false fantasy to think guests care and write this s**t down. NTA.” ~ AdorableTechnology39
“I’d just straight up bow out.”
“But I’m an angry old hag these days.”
“I’d be polite, but it’s ok to say you think it’s best, etc.”
“Hell, maybe that’s what she wants.”
“I had a friend ask. I couldn’t handle the anxiety, plus I had no desire to be spray-tanned, so I bowed out of any official role, but picked her up in the morning, helped behind the scenes, etc.”
“Her pics got in a magazine and wouldn’t have if I were in them.”
“She only showed me the magazine pics.”
“Wondering if I was in any photos at all!”
“I did make a terrible choice in dress but meh.”
“I was her DUFF and I really don’t do that anymore.” ~ invisiblizm
“The irony here is that even if you don’t wear this dress, nothing is stopping any of the other bridesmaids from selecting the dress themselves and wearing the same one since it does fit the agreed on parameters.”
“NTA – the bride is being crazy.”
“The bridesmaid dresses aren’t matching by her own directions, so as long as they fit what she asked for they’re all going to look the same together anyway in pictures.”
“This is a silly waste of money to get another.”
“People always think just because their wedding is a big deal in their own life, that somehow it’s a big deal in everyone else’s… and it’s not.”
“If she’s this crazy and inconsiderate of your finances, is she even a friend you really want to have?”
“If you aren’t very close, I’d tell her this is the dress you can afford and look like you belong at the wedding in, and if she’s this nuts then you can not be in the wedding.”
“If she’s your best friend or someone you can’t see not having in your life then maybe take it to a tailor and change the length and/or the top straps/sleeves/neckline.” ~ ItallstartswithOne
“Wait! She’s concerned that people will know that you, a bridesmaid, wore the dress for an occasion in the past?”
“And why does that matter?”
“How will it affect her or her wedding? NTA.”
“This is ridiculous.” ~ Old_Wishbone5287
“NTA. If Ava wants her bridesmaids in expensive dresses, then that’s her choice, but if she knows you are on a limited income, then she should be paying for it.”
“If she continues to pressure you, maybe you need to reconsider being in her bridal party.” ~ ColdstreamCapple
“I see this all the time on these posts.”
“Why are the bridesmaids buying the dress?”
“Is this an American thing?”
“Each and every time (including my own wedding), the bride and groom pay for the bridesmaid dresses.”
“I find it super strange that they dictate what they want and make other people pay for it. Odd. NTA.” ~ Annual-Budget-8513
“NTA. There’s absolutely no reason not to wear your yellow dress.”
“It fits the theme and sounds beautiful.”
“As a veteran of weddings (my entire friend group, family, and my own), let me share some advice: weddings should be occasions of joy.”
“Obviously some couples are more high maintenance than others, and that’s fine.”
“But if you find that the couple is making you feel pressured or overwhelmed or bad about yourself, politely decline the invite to be in the wedding party and attend as a regular guest (or don’t attend at all).”
“Being in a wedding shouldn’t stress you out financially or otherwise.” ~ Ok_hon
“NAH. I wouldn’t think this is a problem, but the bride does.”
“She wants you to have a new dress specifically for her wedding.”
“I also don’t think she’s TA for wanting that.”
“However, she needs to realize that other people are not required to finance her wedding wishes.”
“You can’t afford to buy a new dress, so you need to tell her that.”
“‘I am very honored to be asked, and I’d love to be in your wedding, but I truly cannot afford another dress, so I will have to decline. I’m sorry.'”
“And you leave it at that.” ~ Malsnano86
“NTA if your friend is expecting you to cover the cost of the bridesmaid’s dress, she can’t dictate how much you spend on it.”
“If you have a suitable dress that fits her theme, whether it’s been worn before shouldn’t matter.”
“If she wants you to wear a brand new dress, then she should pay for it.” ~ kitknit81
“Put the ball back in her court.”
“Tell her she has three choices.”
“Your budget won’t allow you to buy a brand new dress that you’ll only wear once.”
“She can buy you a bridesmaid’s dress (if you can afford it, offer to pay for half), she can accept you wearing the dress you already have, or she can remove you from the wedding party.” ~ canonrobin
“If everyone’s attention is on a bridesmaid then the bride failed. NTA.” ~ Dazzling-Box4393
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
These dresses have gotten crazy expensive over the years.
They should have multiple uses.
Maybe you should evaluate how much being in the wedding means to you.
You can always be a guest.
So much less stress.
Just a thought.
Good luck.