Being a caretaker can be very rewarding, but there are rules, regulations, and even laws to keep it from being financially rewarding.
The elderly and terminally ill are in a vulnerable state, and there have been too many incidences of opportunistic caretakers emptying bank accounts, manipulating their clients to gift them valuable possessions or property, and altering wills.
The most egregious culprits make it onto true crime podcasts and programs.
But does that mean every caretaker and long-term healthcare provider should refuse any gift given or willed to them?
A caretaker facing this question turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no official voting acronyms and no final judgment given.
Equivalent-Glove-705 asked:
“AITAH for accepting an inheritance from an elderly client instead of giving it to his estranged kids?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“This is strange, but I inherited my former client’s house. I’m 28, and I was his part-time caregiver for 3 years.”
“His kids live across the country and have maybe visited him twice. I was there every day to help with groceries, appointments, and just to keep him company.”
“He had no one else.”
“Last month, he passed away, and his lawyer called to let me know that I was in his will as the sole beneficiary for his house. The kids are completely unhinge,d saying I put an old lonely man under some sort of spell.”
“But honestly? Where were they when he was struggling, and had less than five people in his life?”
“The house is worth probably 200k, which would completely change my life. His kids are saying they will contest the will.”
“They go on about how blood family should mean more than some other person, but they couldn’t even pick up the phone to call him on holidays.”
“AITAH for keeping the house?”
“Trying not to let their drama get to me. I was literally the only one there when it mattered, when he needed someone most.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not completely wrong to honor the client’s final wishes, but advised caution.
“Stop talking to the kids, find yourself a lawyer in case they make good on the threat.” ~ SconiMike
“I would talk to the estate’s attorney first before engaging another attorney since this situation may be less of a problem than a legal challenge may otherwise indicate.”
“Often attorneys will insert a clause in a will that is triggered on a beneficiary challenging the will that reduces that beneficiaries share as a direct result of challenging the will.”
“This is done to disincentivize beneficiaries from bringing specious challenges that eat up the estate with attorney’s fees. Some inheritance is better than no inheritance, so most beneficiaries will choose not to challenge instead when these clauses are present.” ~ LiJiTC4
“The estate lawyer is already getting paid, talk to them ASAP. Have them call the ‘kids’.” ~ rocketmn69_
“This right here. Talk to the decedent’s/estate’s attorney and/or executor about what the kids are saying and that they’re threatening to contest the will.” ~ jquailJ36
“When my grandma’s will was challenged by my cousins, the attorney for the estate defused the situation before I even became aware of it. Start there.” ~ ItchyCredit
“Especially since the lawyer fees are probably coming out of the liquid portion of the estate.” ~ Juggletrain
“Yep, let them know any challenge will be defended with their cut, not OPs.” ~ Beth21286
“A will is not like it is in a TV show episode. It’s 2-3 visits to the legal office for a couple of hours each visit. There are witnesses, there is lengthy talk, there are clauses to keep people from suing.”
“An inheritance in USA under a specific amount—which this is—is not taxed.”
“If you decline, it may not go to his kids; it may go to the next designated beneficiary.”
“If you GIVE it to the kids, it’s now a gift and that gift is taxable.”
“Know the rules of the game. Call the attorney who called you first and find out all parameters.” ~ Few-Afternoon-6276
“One of my relatives had a clause that provided $1 to those they wanted to ‘disinherit’. At that time, it was enough to say they had not been excluded. But, yeah. Stop talking to the kids.” ~ RetailTherapy2021
“Many states have laws that create a presumption of undue influence when a caregiver is named a beneficiary in a will or trust, especially if it involves a significant portion of the estate.” ~ oldenough2bakid
“I did in-home care and this was definitely an issue that we were all made aware of in our initial training. OP should definitely get a lawyer and expect an investigation by APS (adult protective services) at the least.” ~ Silvaria928
“Absolutely agree. I’d expect this would be the angle that any children would go with and OP would be best to not do anything with the inheritance at least at the beginning in some sort of anticipation. The estate lawyer would be the first person to discuss this with.” ~ Lopsided_Turn4606
“My dad did wills. Once a 90~ year old woman left her 2.5m house and 10m investment portfolio to a 22-year-old woman who was her primary caretaker for two years.”
“Family was notified at the elderly woman’s request, and they f*cking freaked out. Woman was alive still and all was legal. She just hated her kids and said they only care about money.”
“Last I heard, she passed and the caretaker sold the house instantly for 2.75m and got 1/3 of all of the investments, but the sh*tty f*cking kids got a few mil apiece. I’d take that over nothing.” ~ poopbucketchallenge
“Elderly, vunerable people can mistake love and genuine relationships for people just doing what they are paid to do. No doubt they probably care for their clients.. but would they be there if they weren’t getting paid?”
“Likely not. So the vunerable see this as them being the only people that care for them, sadly it’s true in a lot of cases.” ~ Sweet_Justice_
“NTA, but the situation warrants some consideration by a court.” ~ Additional-Lab9059
“Used to volunteer at an old folks home back when I was in school. Just an hour or so, once a week.”
“Many clients have the same story. The kids first visited once a week, then once a month, then only on birthdays and after that … never.”
“You might not be aware, but those people are LONELY and starving for affection and contact. So starving that they have OFFERED to give volunteers all their property in a will, just for showing up an hour a week. Because THAT is how much they value the companionship.”
“We were instructed to gently tell them no, we cannot accept this, and to tell them to call their families.”
“Actually had one old man scream at me, ‘You think I didn’t already call hundreds of times? They don’t care about me anymore now that I’m old, they discarded me’. It was heartbreaking, since other older folk were around nodding in agreement.”
“How much level of resentment and loneliness must he have felt to actually want to disinherit the family that threw him away?”
“I did feel sorry for him, and I told him if he’s THAT angry that he wants to change his will, maybe give the money to charity like a hospital or animal shelter.” ~ Stormy8888
“NTA but, if you were caring for him under the contract of a health care agency or if you are licensed in any way, check the company policies, licensing governing body, as well as consulting your own lawyer. You don’t want to do anything that might jeopardize your future career.” ~ OceanPeach857
“One of my cousins also ‘inherited’ a car from her employer/elder. The family went to court and won. You can’t basically ignore that it is one thing to care for a person in his last years versus the other whole years.”
“The judge also explained how often this happened and shouldn’t because there is a professional involved with salaries and ethics. He compared himself receiving gifts as thanks for his decision.”
“It can’t just happen. Even a neighbor or a recent stranger can’t benefit from a pretty old person who is emotionally vulnerable. And I am sorry, OP, but it seems you need to disclose more INFO here.”
“Are you hired? A neighbor? A stranger in these last years? I really don’t think it is ethical to just ignore this.” ~ Contribution4afriend
“NTA. BUT … a lot of old people have caregivers like you. Remember that you have NO IDEA how this person treated those kids or anyone else.”
“People are not generally alone late in life with no friends or family to speak of because they were nice, decent, loving people when they were younger. Not saying that your client did this, but ol’ gramps ain’t gonna tell you, is he?”
“There are also plenty of parents who have ‘no idea!!!!’ why their whole family cut them off, but to any person with functioning brain cells, it’s obvious.”
“Deserved or not, if they contest the will, they just might win, so I wouldn’t get too comfortable in the house. It will have more to do with his presence of mind when he changed the will than whether they deserve to inherit it or not.” ~ man_eating_mt_rat
The OP’s situation brings up a pretty compelling ethical dilemma.
With no further updates, it’s unclear whether any advice given changed the OP’s perspective or altered their plan to keep the inheritance.