When we’re in a relationship or have an immoveable friendship, we can only think of the love that we share with those people.
But there are some people who only pretend to care for us as a way to take advantage of us, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
After her business became successful, Redditor Crafty-Row470 was surprised by the issues she began to have in her relationship, first concerning money.
But when she later found out that her boyfriend had never broken up with his ex-girlfriend, the Original Poster (OP) realized he was only dating her for her money.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for completely canceling my stepdaughter’s birthday bash and leaving her with nothing after I broke up with her dad?”
The OP ended a three-year relationship after her boyfriend cheated.
“I (43 Female) broke up with my ex, Charlie (42 Male), last Spring after finding out that he cheated with his ex, Sandy (34 Female).”
“We were together for three years, during which I was a very committed stepmother to his kid, Sarah (17 Female).”
“She and I never acted like mother-daughter, but I was the go-to adult when she had problems or needed anything, because she and her mom didn’t get along, and my ex would try to help but his solutions weren’t very effective.”
She had previously made plans to throw an extravagant party for her stepdaughter.
“A year and a half ago, I completed a very ambitious project for a large company. I started getting paid, but bonuses and royalties only came in this year upon launching.”
“I was so happy and so grateful that I opened accounts for my kids.”
“I decided to gift Sarah the birthday party that she wanted. Her birthday falls in July, and she wanted a pajama party for 25 people, with a big bash (fancy cake, balloons, a DJ), and to go along with her friends to stay in a hotel out of town.”
“This would be for her 18th birthday. So I set up a savings account under my main bank account.”
Money became an issue in the relationship when the OP’s work turned successful.
“Charlie ended up asking me to help him fund a business idea, but I declined for a variety of reasons: We were not married and I prefer to go solo, his business idea sucked because he was inventing the wheel, and I would be funding everything.”
“We ended up having to close the conversation because he got angry and said he needed a helpful partner by his side.”
“I responded that I was taught not to give men my money. I know I was harsh and I apologized.”
Charlie began to do things that hurt the OP in other ways.
“I began to feel very insecure when Charlie started to criticize my makeup and personal style. He also praised other women to my face and I felt horrible.”
“Early in the relationship, we had issues because of his communication with Sandy, his ex, which resulted in him promising to cut her off.”
“Fast forward a few months, and I began to notice that Sandy was very active in his family’s social media. She gave likes and commented a lot, so I asked him if they were still in contact because it just didn’t make sense.”
“He denied it.”
But then the OP discovered money was far from the only issue in their relationship.
“I went on a ten-day business trip and our communication was very off. He would only take my calls until early at night and became very vague about his daily activities. I couldn’t reach him at all for two nights several days apart.”
“He sounded weird when we finally talked, so I lied about having to delay my return date for a few days and arrived one day earlier instead.”
“I came home to find used condoms in the trash. My world was shattered and I threw up.”
“His face changed when he saw me home. He also claimed to have been at his mother’s house until late.”
“I said I was sick when he asked what was going on and didn’t mention what I found, but he rushed to take out the trash and to do the laundry.”
“I got into his phone (I know it’s wrong) and found hundreds of messages from his ex (again, not Sarah’s mother, but Sandy, who is much younger than the rest of us), pictures, voicemails, and conversations as if they had never broken up.”
“He consulted her about things, told her about his day, etc. Then I found a family chat that made me sick. He, Sarah, and Sandy, spent a whole two days at a camping site last year when I went to visit family, and there were pictures from last Christmas with his ex at his mother’s house.”
“Obviously, he had a full-blown relationship behind my back and his entire family was aware of it. I directly confronted him and he tried to deny it until I played one of the voicemails.”
The OP decided to move on with her life.
“I couldn’t take the humiliation, so I moved out weeks later. I closed the bank account for the birthday bash and kept the money for myself.”
“I cut everyone off, including his kid. He reached out in the last week of May. He pleaded with me not to take away Sarah’s birthday celebration.”
“I never replied. I know she’s a teenager and that she has no control over her Dad’s actions, but she seems awfully comfortable in her pictures with his ex and I feel extremely betrayed.”
“Also, there’s no way in h**l that I’m funding a party that I’m not gonna attend for obvious reasons, and I don’t want to contribute to a celebration so that his s**tty family could eat and drink on my dime.”
The family began to pressure the OP to still throw the birthday party.
“Sarah’s mom always had separate celebrations for her, and her gift was supposed to be a camping trip. In my opinion, my ex should figure out the same.”
“My ex’s family cannot afford the celebration unless they save money way in advance.”
“My best friend says that maybe I can send Sarah a gift if I find it in myself to forgive her actions, but I don’t feel like it.”
“His sister sent me a voicemail the other day, asking me to please not turn my back on her niece.”
“I feel awful because I know this was Sarah’s dream, but I’m too disgusted to back out from my decision.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were disgusted with the ex for leading a double life and still making demands.
“NTA. Denying him this is a very good life lesson in not screwing people over. Her father’s example is: lie to people, use them, and then reap the rewards. By taking away the reward, you are showing her that this way of being an adult and having a relationship will result in disappointment for the user, not just the victim.”
“I think maintaining a clear boundary and consequence here is your final act as a stepparent to this child.” – Medical_Gate_5721
“I am forever in awe of human beings that have this much audacity stored up inside of them.”
“They’re essentially saying, ‘Listen, honey, yes, we covered up for over a year the affair your boyfriend was having, and yes, your boyfriend was trying to take you for all your money, and yes, your stepchild was also riding you for your money… Now, can you please fund her birthday party?'”
“HOW in the ever-loving f**k do people do this without even an iota of self-awareness?!” – BrownSugarBare
“Oh, that’s rough. They were totally using you for money! And you’re so sweet, thoughtful, and hard-working, and they don’t deserve you.”
“What a horrible man and family, including his daughter. She is just as horrible with playing happy family while he’s cheating with his cheat partner at family gatherings. So sly.”
“NTA.” – KindaNewRoundHere
“Don’t send money. They didn’t take into consideration your feelings when they were hooking up behind your back, lying to you, laughing, and whatever else, so why should you?”
“They have to learn that s**tty actions have consequences. C’est la vie, they are not your family anymore. You owe them nothing, period. Best of luck.” – CyberArwen1980
“Cut ties and block him and everyone who might be able to contact you. He must have been so jealous that you were doing so well in your career!”
“He sounds horrible, and at 17 years old, she knew what was going on. The nerve of the guy to contact you, though!!”
“Don’t send any money and, please, cut all contact, including the strange sister. How would she have liked it if her boyfriend was sleeping around and the rest of the family was complicit in it?”
“Really classless people. Please cut all ties and live your best life! Also, has the daughter reached out to you and apologized? If not, the cheek.”
“Just glad you didn’t marry him; that’s a massive bullet dodged!” – No_Commission_9079
“Tell your ex to have his girlfriend fund the party. If she wants to be with him so badly, she can pay for his daughter’s, now her stepdaughter’s, party.” – dawnfla6aa2
Others said that if the ex-stepdaughter wanted the party, she should have been more faithful to the OP.
“NTA. While her father is clearly a sh*t human being, she was still complicit in his betrayal of you. She was happy to take your money just like she was happy to go on a camping trip with his supposed ex.”
“Think of it this way, you are gifting her the valuable lesson of consequences.” – Ornery_Ad_2019
“NTA. This isn’t about your ex cheating as much as it’s about your stepdaughter knowing and not telling you about the cheating. She was obviously aware of the affair and participated in activities with the affair partner.”
“She wasn’t worried about you when she was hanging out with the ex, so I don’t think you need to worry about her, or a superficial birthday party, now.” – keesouth
“Tell the stepdaughter. She is 18, and she knows right from wrong. She knew her father was lying and being a snake, and she had no issues cuddling up in pictures with his ex, so you don’t owe her anything. If anything, they all owe you an apology.”
“Tell your ex to stop begging as it’s not attractive on a man his age and to get his ex to fund it.”
“Then block them all.” – WinterFront1431
“NTA. She wasn’t on your team. Camping trip, Christmas, and who knows what else? They were using you as a cash cow.”
“You may be able to forgive her somewhat because she’s a teenager, and it’s hard for a kid to go against their parent(s). But if she was really on your side, she could have tipped you off somehow in all that time.” – Rooster_Fish-11
“The fact that this ex is not Sarah’s mother changes EVERYTHING. It’s one thing if they’re playing happy family, what teen of divorced parents doesn’t want that?? And while wrong, it’s far more understandable.”
“But this???????? That’s entirely different. 17 is not 12, and she wasn’t a kid stuck between betraying her parents or you, she literally went along with her dads cheating with a random, younger ex-girlfriend, playing happy family with him while USING YOU to fund her life.”
“Nah. Not happening. Just like dear old Dad, she can face the entirety of the consequences of her actions. None of these people are your problem anymore, and you shouldn’t even feel guilty about ‘abandoning’ them. They betrayed and used you, for f**k’s sake. You didn’t abandon them; you refuse to be used and that is never wrong.”
“NTA.” – llamadramalover
As a side note, one Redditor had a very important question.
“Lol (laughing out loud), why are all these women with this guy who can’t even afford a birthday party?” – Free_Dog_6837
“Right? LOL.” – Lucky_Ladee12345
“The way I hollered!” – chooseshoes
“This comment needs to be at THE TOP.”
“OP, the rest of these women have made their bed. You deserve SO much more!” – rosegold_cat
The subReddit couldn’t stop shaking their heads over how the OP had been treated. Since the ex-boyfriend never really left his ex-girlfriend, it was clear he only saw the OP as good for her money.
If the OP’s ex couldn’t value her as the whole person she was, he didn’t deserve to benefit from what she could give him, including what she could do for his daughter.