It’s 2024, and fortunately by this point, most of us find claims about what girls can do and what boys can do to be sexist, misogynistic, and, quite frankly, ridiculous and laughable.
But there are still people even now who buy into gender roles and stereotypes, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit, and some of us are even related to these people.
Redditor Ok_Funny_3589 had a decent relationship with her family-in-law, but she had noticed that her father-in-law (FIL) had a tendency to “rant” about gender roles whenever talking about her two daughters, who were his two granddaughters.
But when she became pregnant with a third daughter and realized how disappointed he was, the Original Poster (OP) decided it was time to shut his viewpoint down.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for asking my Father-in-Law (FIL) what century he’s from when he reacted negatively to learning I’m pregnant with another girl?”
The OP and her husband were happily married with two, soon to be three, daughters.
“Hi! 36 (Female) here. My husband and I have two daughters (7 Female and 5 Female), and I’m currently six months pregnant with another girl.”
“My husband and I adore our daughters and have never cared about the sex of any of our children. Our big concern has always been that they’re healthy and happy.”
“My little girls, however, are thrilled that they’re having another little sister.”
But the OP’s relationship with her in-laws became more strained with her third baby announcement.
“I like my in-laws okay. They’ve been kind to me and my children, but they are a bit more traditional and conservative than me and my husband.”
“On Sunday, we had dinner with my in-laws and told them that we’re having another little girl.”
“My FIL sighed, looked at my husband, apologized, and said we could always try for a fourth.”
“My husband looked surprised and said he was thrilled we were having another girl and only wanted the baby to be healthy.”
“I added that there is no way we’re having a fourth (this one was a bit of a surprise).”
This led to a misogynistic rant.
“My FIL (who has three sons, by the way) started talking about how sons are different and that there are things you can do with them that you can’t do with daughters.”
“I’ll note that he has a habit of going on long tangents where he doesn’t really think about what he’s saying.”
“My husband isn’t confrontational and my MIL is so used to him that I think she doesn’t notice how offensive he can be at times.”
The OP shut her father-in-law’s commentary down.
“I usually ignore his tangents, but this time, both my baby girls were at the table, and he was basically saying that my husband would like having a son more.”
“My oldest is very sensitive, and I could tell she was getting upset.”
“I cut off my FIL and said something along the lines of, ‘What century are you living in, Grandpa? Who would care about the sex of their baby?'”
The OP’s response was met with criticism.
“The table got quiet, and my FIL looked upset. My MIL later called me and said I was disrespectful and owed my FIL an apology.”
“I agreed I might have been harsh, but he should have thought about what he was saying in front of my children.”
“My husband told me he thinks I was a bit harsh, but also agrees that my FIL shouldn’t have said that in front of our kids, especially since he’s never cared about the sexes of our kids.”
“AITAH for my response to my FIL, and do I owe him an apology?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she had not been rude in the slightest.
“NTA. That wasn’t even rude, OP.”
“What does he think you can do with boys that you can’t do with girls? Pee off the side of a bridge without dropping your pants all the way?”
“I did plenty of ‘boy’ (eye roll) activities with my dad, hunting, skeet shooting, etc.” – K_A_Irony
“I kinda feel like a ‘f**k each of you for saying my daughter, IN FRONT OF MY DAUGHTER, is not good enough. We’re going to be taking a very long, possibly permanent, break from you’ is in order. What you said was totally reasonable and not a touch rude.” – xasdfxx
“Your FIL owes you and your daughters an apology. Nothing you said was offensive.”
“What he said was abusively misogynistic and belittled and shamed your daughters.”
“Your MIL is wrong. What you said was not disrespectful, and you do not owe FIL an apology. Misogyny like your FIL’s should never be tolerated. It should always be called out. NTA.” – Neonpinx
“NTA. It wasn’t even harsh. Inadvertently, he is presenting your children with the idea that they need to adhere to social gender norms and be limited in what they can and can’t do with their dad.” – izaby
“This guy seems like the classic ‘patriarch.’ I’d bet he’s more upset that you talked back to him than he is about what was actually said. You disrespected his honor and hurt his little fee-fees.” – Tinybabybutt
Others pointed out there was little, if anything, the FIL couldn’t do with granddaughters.
“My grandpa said the only thing his granddaughters couldn’t do was pee standing up.”
“I took that as a personal challenge. He couldn’t stop laughing when I accidentally peed on a deer. But I was standing up!” – Shibaspots
“Honestly, I would have asked, what things? The only thing I can really think of is a dad can’t teach his daughter to pee standing up (at least not in the same way). You know your FIL would have gone off on tangents about traditional male things such as hunting, fishing, most sports, etc.”
“That’s when they ‘why can’t the girls do it?’ question comes in, which is pretty much just asking him to explain what he means until he runs out of ways to explain it and either shut the f**k up or gets bad.”
“MIL would still call it disrespectful, but so what? That would also show daughters that it’s bs, and it doesn’t matter what sex you are. There are very, very few things that are completely dependent on what sex you are.” – Nymph_the_scribe
“I am one of five children, all girls. Growing up we did chores on the farm with our dad and went hunting and fishing at a young age with him. We also spent time inside baking and sewing with mom, and doing other projects.”
“I no longer have a desire to go hunting, but I have valuable memories with my dad because he didn’t treat us as if we NEEDED to stay inside baking or sewing.” – NANJNJB
“My sister-in-law, one of two girls, had a rational dad. He was a navy guy and worked on engines on all types of vessels out of Norfolk. He also did his own repairs on the car, and my sister-in-law would hang over and watch and eventually assist.”
“She grew up not only to rebuild and collect cars. She is a compounding pharmacist, too.”
“My dad was not so sanguine about us girls. We never did the boy things. My brothers were favored as much as he was able to. Well, guess who was taking care of them in their old age and illness? Yep. The ‘girls.'” – basketma12
“My mom is from a Hispanic family, and even though no one has ever outright said that she was less than her brother, it’s incredibly obvious. She’s rejected most of her heritage and clings to any bone her dad will throw her because she was raised to think she was less important than her brother.”
“It’s especially frustrating because he became a heroin addict, and she has been very successful.”
“These ‘casual’ comments and ‘harmless’ tangents are heard. They are remembered. They leave scars whether he meant them to or not.”
“OP’s daughter isn’t sensitive. She’s observant. She’s not stupid. Kids are sponges and he was being disrespectful, not the other way around.” – EffectiveOne236
“My wife is the oldest of three girls. They learned everything from cooking and cleaning to firewood and working in the wood shop. We had two daughters ourselves – and truly, all I hoped for was healthy kids. Got my wish, and they are both now young adults.”
“Both helped with everything and anything. Both went to college with a starter set of tools and basic car care knowledge as well as how to cook and take care of themselves and their home. Both have been deer hunting with me.”
“The eldest is a great pistol shot and doesn’t care for hunting. The youngest is already calling dibs on a rifle that is promised to me, plans to get back into hunting when college is over, and has already (jokingly?) referred to the garage and my tools and the charcoal grill as hers.”
“That’s just the start of what they’ve been able to accomplish and are capable of. They are also both avid readers, both were in band and softball, one was in track, and both have great work ethics. I told them from a very young age, don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t achieve something because you’re a girl. Couldn’t ask for two better kids!” – trazom28
While the subReddit could understand reading the room and being polite, they didn’t even think what the OP said was rude to begin with, and ultimately the most important thing here was the message that was being sent to the OP’s daughters.
Because of what the OP did, her daughters got the message loud and clear that however rude someone might be, the OP would always have her daughters’ backs.