Coffee culture is absolutely a reality for a lot of people, and they really can’t get going without the liquid gold.
But one person’s coffee addiction is not someone else’s responsibility, shrugged most of the folks in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor AITAcovfefe was not a coffee drinker and so did not keep a coffee maker in their home with their lack of space.
But when a friend and his girlfriend visited, and the girlfriend was disgruntled by the lack of coffee, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they were actually a bad host for not providing for the couple.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for not buying a coffee maker for guests?”
The OP did not keep a coffee maker in their home.
“My husband and I do not drink coffee. So we do not have a coffee maker or any coffee beans.”
“He has a friend who lives hours away and he sees him in person once every year or two.”
“Usually, when he comes up, he brings his girlfriend.”
The friend’s girlfriend was very adamant about her coffee habit.
“They stayed over for a few days last year. Before they came, I asked if they wanted any food or drinks to have in the house and I told them what we normally kept stocked in the house.”
“They didn’t make any requests.”
“But the first morning the girlfriend wanted coffee. I told her we did not have any way to make coffee here, but I could bring her to the coffee shop, which was two minutes away.”
“She declined but her mood seemed sour after that.”
“We hung out with other mutual friends for the day and I learned from one of them that she was really upset we didn’t have a way to make coffee at home because she needed it in the morning.”
The OP tried to make the best of the situation, but the girlfriend was not satisfied.
“Each morning, I offered to bring her to the coffee shop and she always declined. I even offered it as my treat in case they didn’t have the money. She declined still.”
“I know that some coffee makers are super cheap. I can afford one. But I don’t have space to store something I won’t use except maybe once per year. Yes, they’re small, but I don’t have space in my kitchen, which is why I offered to bring her to get coffee somewhere.”
The problem persisted during a later visit.
“Well, they came over again a year later. I still didn’t have a coffee maker because we don’t drink coffee. This time, she called me a bad host to my face because I had them over knowing she needed her coffee and I didn’t get anything to make coffee.”
“I am a people pleaser. And I go to huge lengths to make guests most comfortable. But I can’t justify having a coffee maker we don’t use for maybe a once-per-year guest. I don’t have the storage space for it.”
“I talked to people about it and some think I was right, we don’t drink coffee, so we don’t have it.”
“But a lot of others think that if you ever have guests, you should have coffee available. And this makes me think of my mom and grandma who always had coffee ready within minutes of guests arriving, expected or not. So this skews my view.”
“Am I really so wrong for not having a coffee maker and coffee beans when I knew a guest who needs coffee comes to stay at my house?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some argued that guests with these demands could find somewhere else to stay instead.
“NTA. Yes, if OP has the extra cash on top of hosting and likely feeding guests, they could go out and buy a cheap coffee maker, and filters, and coffee.”
“They could also have separate sugar in a quaint little dish with an ornate antique spoon, and cream or creamer in a cow dispenser thing, and special coffee cups and saucers that all only get used that one time of year. And find a place to store it. And throw out what expires when it does. If they come over.”
“Or their guest could appreciate the hospitality of being in their home, understanding that people live differently than you and sometimes you have to adapt.”
“Need coffee so bad you feel comfortable badmouthing your hosts to mutuals and b***hing about it that you insult the people that are kind enough to host you to their face? How hard is it to get a bottle of cold brew and have it while you’re there? Or, I don’t know, take them up on their kind offer to take you for coffee?”
“Jesus f**king Ch**t. People suck. Now I have to go back and read stuff from some of the good humans and recipe sharing that got me here.” – Kupfernickel5
“I need my coffee, definitely in the morning and almost every day towards late noon. I would never take feel entitled to having coffee in a place where I am a guest.”
“Rude girlfriend could have made arrangements to have her coffee. Advice to Op on how she could get a small cheap coffee maker are kind but out of place.” – Justanothersaul
“I love my coffee and fully admit to the addiction. I get headaches when I miss it. That being said, I would have taken her up on her offer of the coffee shop and then asked to go to a local store so I could buy a French press to make my own coffee for the rest of the trip and bring it back next time.”
“It’s not her responsibility to cater to my tastes when she has no need for her own coffee equipment.” – WanderFish01
“She has said her reason for not getting a coffee maker is due to storage. If she has limited storage space, why should she get a coffee maker that’s only used once a year? Get instant coffee or arrange for delivery if the friend is insistent that they don’t want to drive for coffee. NTA.” – forever_country_girl
“NTA. It’s crazy to expect a host to start stocking up on things they themselves don’t use.”
“I carry coffee bags around with me for those just-in-case moments (like a giant tea bag, amazing filter flavor; Lyons and Taylors do them) and if I’m traveling away for a few days I take my Aeropress with me. No sulking is needed.”
“Also, if I forget any of those things, I just drink what’s offered instead like a grown-up big girl.” – DoKtor2quid
“NTA. I visit a relative a couple of times a year. I asked if they minded, then picked up a cheap $15 mini coffee maker and a can of coffee.”
“I told ’em to do what they wanted with the leftover coffee, and they just stick the coffee maker in an upper cupboard after we leave.”
“If you were kind enough to offer to take her to a coffee shop each morning, her refusal is a HER problem. And knowing you didn’t have any, she could have brought instant the next time she visited, but went with acting like you were a hotel.”
“Which is exactly where they should stay next time they’re in town.” – KrofftSurvivor
But others argued that it wasn’t that big of an issue to have supplies on hand for guests.
“You could just have a jar of instant-coffee at the house. I don’t drink coffee but I still have insta-coffee here for my guests because I know a lot of people drink coffee.”
“I also have a press-coffee maker because it was really inexpensive just in case I have more than one person over who drinks coffee because again, I want to be a good host.”
“But this girl should have just brought her own jar of insta-coffee since she knew OP didn’t have it or bought a press herself to bring over.” – GraceOfTheNorth
“It’s not a big deal to have some coffee in the house, even from a minimalist’s perspective. Instant coffee is good to add a little punch to things like chocolate cake or fudge frosting, or if you’re down, a good mole or adobo, so it’s not a complete miss to have around.” – celestialwreckage
“A family friend of ours got into a horrible car accident. My dad flew out to help them, you know diving around and appointments and the kids and all that.”
“They didn’t have a coffee maker and my dad bought them a coffee maker that they call his and take down only when we come over, lol (laughing out loud).” – MorganAndMerlin
“NTA. She was though. I travel with coffee, a drip cone, and filters. All I need is boiling water and I am covered. Usually need it when I visit my son, they don’t drink coffee and I think it is wrong to ask them to have a coffee maker just for me.”
“If she is the only person to complain don’t give it another thought. You could get a French press and a small bag of coffee to keep in the freezer. neither will take up too much space, but if you live in a small home, it could take up more than you can afford.” – Tinkerpro
“Even though you don’t drink coffee, I wonder if either of you drink tea?”
“I love using a french press for making tea. It allows me to steep a couple bags, mix the flavors, pour my tea, and save them to use one more time.”
“My boyfriend always asks me for my get-well tea: sliced ginger, peppercorns, clove, fennel, turmeric, citrus with the shaved peel, jalapeno (optional), turmeric, and honey.”
“A whole French press of that in an insulated metal French press lasts half a day, bonus a regular press fits a citrus juicer perfectly if you like citrus teas or making cocktails with fresh juice.”
“Then when you know those guests are coming, you could buy one tiny bag or container of coffee meant for the French press.”
“I’m suspecting the girlfriend drinks a LOT of coffee and declined your offers, not to stop you from spending money, but because she wants to drink a LOT of coffee. So you could use the French press for yourself throughout the year, and it’s small, and you could shut her up with one small container of coffee.”
“If she drinks so much that she uses all the coffee, then SHE can buy more, but she can no longer say that you were a bad host. If she tries to say that, you could flip it on her and say she is a greedy guest. NTA.” – basilkiller
While it might be nice to provide our guests with all of their wishes while visiting our homes, in all reality, most guests will only visit for a few hours or a few days, and they can be without during that time.
If it was that important for the girlfriend to have her coffee each day, it would have been easy enough to go to a coffee shop, bring travel supplies, or provide a small and affordable French press.