Allergies are not a joke.
People have to be so careful nowadays.
Cross-contamination can make eating a highly stressful situation on a daily basis.
All of this can lead to a lot of dramatic problems with food sharing.
Redditor AggravatingStart7703 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for throwing my pregnant S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw]’s groceries away?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hello. Throwaway account.”
“My brother and his wife Laura, who is 7 months pregnant, are staying with us for a week or so since he’s interviewing for jobs in the city my family and I are in.”
“My kids love having their aunt and uncle around and everything’s been great.”
“Yesterday, Laura went out and came back with groceries.”
“I thanked her but told her that we don’t expect them to do this, the kitchen is stocked, and that we’re just enjoying having them.”
“She said that she wanted to and that most were cravings she’s been having.”
“I started helping her unload the bags and noticed that a lot of snacks were with peanuts… cookies, crackers, Peanut Butter, even some sort of cake fusion.”
“It all made me uneasy because she knows my oldest son, 8 M[ale], is extremely allergic.”
“I don’t keep anything of the kind in our home because we’ve had an incident when he was younger where we almost lost him.”
“I didn’t want to be rude but I told her that I’m not comfortable with having the stuff in the house.”
“She told me that she would be careful, that she wouldn’t eat it around him or his siblings and that she’d clean up after herself, that she was having intense cravings and needed them.”
“Look, I’ve had 4 kids and kind of get where she’s coming from, although I never HAD to have something, but every woman is different.”
“I made sure my son knew not to touch any of it and to leave her alone when she’s eating them.”
“That was that.”
“Today, I woke up early to make breakfast and opened the fridge only to be greeted by strawberries dipped in PB left out without a container to ‘chill.'”
“The PB jar wasn’t sealed properly next to them, and there were sandwiches on a plate because she ‘likes the bread cold and soggy.'”
“I was pissed.”
“I’ve read enough about airborne contamination to know that you can’t really determine it but I wasn’t risking it.”
“I grabbed a bag and started throwing everything in it, our groceries, hers, I didn’t care.”
“I was going to take the bag, drive to a shelter, and let them know the situation.”
“Laura woke up while I was on my rampage, came down, and asked all upset what I was doing.”
“I was snippy with her and didn’t try to hide it.”
‘We got into an argument with her defensively saying that I can’t do this, that the baby needs it, and that it’s cruel to put a pregnant woman through unsatisfied cravings.”
“I told her bluntly that I don’t give a single f**k if she can’t keep to her word, then I won’t either, and that she’ll live without her craving, my son can’t say the same with his allergy.”
“She went back upstairs, packed her bag and came back down, grabbed the bag of food, and left in a huff.”
“My brother was at his interview and called me half an hour later to ask me what happened.”
“He was upset with his wife but also with me because nothing happened and at the end of the day, my son is fine.”
“I told my husband when he came back from work, and he’s completely on my side.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Nothing happened, and your son is fine because YOU made sure that would be the case.”
“The only thing I can possibly think you might have done to be even more in the right was make sure your SIL knew about the severity of the allergy and that even skin contact with residue that isn’t visible could be enough to set him off.”
“But that really isn’t necessary with anyone who is remotely reasonable because everyone under 40 has been taught that sort of thing about peanut allergies.”
“You were already being exceedingly reasonable and taking risks just allowing that stuff in the house.”
“You’d have been well within your rights to say that you just couldn’t risk peanuts in the house at all – let her eat it outside away from the house if she needs it that bad, as long as she thoroughly cleans down before coming back to your house.”
“Leaving it out in the open in the fridge like that, where it could bump into other things and leave smudges on them, was entirely unreasonable in the house of someone with any degree of contact allergy, much less a deathly severe one.” ~ KaliTheBlaze
“Agree NTA.”
“Honestly, I hate ‘but baby wants/baby needs’ in situations where the person (the pregnant lady) is the AH.”
“No, your unborn baby does not NEED strawberries dipped in peanut butter.”
“Or cold soggy peanut butter sandwiches.”
“It’s something you want.”
“Baby is perfectly fine with whatever you eat as long as you get the nutrition, etc, you and baby need.”
“And it’s not cruel to say ‘You can’t eat that in my house’ just because you crave it.”
“There are no human rights people that come running because a pregnant woman has to be without her craving for a few days.”
“But it will be an issue to contaminate food and possibly hurt a child.”
“The same can’t be said about a kid who’s allergic.”
“They NEED their home to be a safe space.”
“And not risk their life when grabbing food.”
“People really need to tone down the ‘me-me-me-me.'” ~ Dangerous-WinterElf
“Absolutely this, pregnancy/ the baby is no excuse.”
“I’m craving all sorts of things at the moment that I can’t eat because of gestational diabetes, and guess what?”
“My baby is absolutely fine without them.”
“SIL is a mega AH and needs to get a grip.” ~ nachoteacup
“Exactly. I’m currently craving soft cheeses, but am staying away from them as it’s not recommended to eat during pregnancy, and both the baby and me are still doing fine without it (especially the baby as he’s the one who could be harmed by bacteria in the cheese).”
“We will eat something else, and it’s not the end of the world.” ~ CollectionOk7828
“NTA – as you said, you’re SIL can live without satisfying her cravings.”
“Your son can potentially DIE!”
“Personally, I wouldn’t have compromised from the beginning.”
“No peanuts in the house. Period.”
“But I can understand that you trusted your SIL.”
“She broke this trust, now she and your brother can go live in a hotel/Motel/whatever and eat All the peanuts she wants.”
“Just because nothing happened so far, doesn’t mean that she gets to risk your son’s life until something happens.” ~ MyC1rcusMyM0nkeys
“Agreed. I am pregnant myself at the moment and have been before as well and I get cravings (have had them).”
“But I would never compromise someone else’s health for my pleasure (which a craving still is).”
“Cravings go away.”
“You don’t always have to give in.”
“I sometimes crave things that are a risk for my baby’s health (carpaccio, salmon sushi).”
“So I don’t eat them. I can go without but I would never forgive myself if someone else’s health is at risk.”
“Not only the unborn child, same goes for people who already walk around on this earth.” ~ Pollythepony1993
“She was only there for a week!!”
“This is so wild I cannot imagine what she was thinking.”
“If she’s up for going to a grocery store she can go buy herself a peanut butter donut or whatever when she has a craving and eat it outside of the house.”
“This person is acting bonkers. NTA obvi.” ~ catfriend18
“NTA. She’s a guest, she can adapt to you… it’s not like you threw away medication she needs to live, it was cravings, cravings aren’t a need.”
“Her baby does not need peanuts.”
“If she wants to eat anything with peanuts, she can leave the house, take the car or whatever, go somewhere to eat it, brush her teeth, and come back.”
“It’s fine for her to get a few groceries for herself, but obviously only stuff that is safe for your family.”
“Your brother is pretty stupid, your son was fine because you threw everything out… if you didn’t he could’ve died.” ~ Novae224
“Hi! Mom of two, currently 8 months pregnant with my third here. 🙂 “
“Your SIL puts your son’s health and his life at risk.”
“Not only that, she did it in his own home.”
“She can’t take an Uber to a diner, cafe, or 7/11 for 30 minutes to satisfy a craving?”
“Being pregnant does not give you license to stomp all over other people’s wellbeing.”
“And claiming that her ‘baby needs’ peanut butter?”
“GTFO LMAO. Nope.”
“Her baby just needs her to make healthy decisions and go to all her ob-gyno appointments.”
“I can’t imagine the entitlement.”
“She sounds too selfish and immature to be a decent mother, frankly.”
“You did nothing wrong (except perhaps giving in to her request in the first place), and your reaction to discovering peanut butter left out and open was absolutely valid.”
“NTA. Your SIL owes you and your son an enormous apology.” ~ Helloreddit0703
“First of all, good luck with the upcoming birth of your third child!”
“Secondly, I couldn’t agree more!!”
“I was pregnant and woke up with a craving for mozzarella with olive oil in the middle of the night.”
“I know what it’s like to crave something.”
“Did we have mozzarella in the house? Nope.”
“Did I make my sleeping partner go out and buy some? HELL NO!”
“Me wanting a snack was not more important than him getting some rest.”
“I waited until the next day and we went out and bought some then.”
“Being pregnant isn’t a green light to behave like a selfish, entitled prick, and a craving isn’t a life or death matter (unlike a peanut allergy). NTA.” ~ goingotherwhere
“You were… nicer than I would’ve been. NTA.”
“Is she an adult with a brain who chose to reproduce and can follow simple instructions or has she no control of her faculties and would poison a child in a home she’s a guest for a week?”
“Which one is it?”
“Because you absolutely cannot shouldn’t be both.” ~ Subjective_Box
“NTA ‘My baby NEEDS it’ OMG, that had me laughing so hard!”
“I’ve had 4 kids and intense cravings.”
“No baby in the womb NEEDS junk food. Or even cares.”
“She’s spoiled and using pregnancy to get her way.”
“As a daughter with severe allergies myself, stand your ground.” ~ OutrageousMistake515
“NTA. If she absolutely needed that food, they should have made plans to stay elsewhere.”
“Your son’s safety is more important than her cravings.” ~ CarCrashRhetoric
You were doing what you had to OP.
Reddit is with you on this one.
Your son’s life could be at risk.
Nobody dies from cravings.
Good for you.