There are certain things we all want in life that we would practically do anything to get.
But when that goal involves another person, we also need to respect their wishes, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwawayCo79 realized her new coworker was not going to take no for an answer when he kept pursuing her and accused her of lying about her relationship status.
But when her coworkers even said she was partially to blame for the attention, the Original Poster (OP) wasn't sure how to proceed.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for not wearing a wedding ring and making my coworker think I'm single?"
The OP received more attention than she was comfortable with from one coworker.
"I (30 Female) started working at a company recently. I get along with most of my coworkers but have been having some issues with this guy, 'Morgan.'"
"Morgan, from what I understand, is what everyone calls 'the handsome guy' in the office. He dated two of his coworkers and hit on several others."
"He seemed friendly when we first talked, and he seemed respectable and never asked questions outside of work."
"He offered to buy me lunch, and he also connected with me on the internet and kept sending me funny memes and stuff."
"It was nice but felt like a bit too much, so I asked that he stop, and he did."
Though she asked him to stop, his behavior escalated.
"He started sending me pics of him that were inappropriate."
"I texted him, saying that I'm married and he was being inappropriate."
"He texted back, saying I was lying about being married to get him off my back."
"He then went on about how nice and attractive he is, and how I'm trying to act like I don't like him to get him to try harder."
"I felt frustrated, especially after he kept sending me pics. Days ago, he sent me a d**k pic and told me to 'Suck it.'"
"I decided to let my husband deal with it. He sent Morgan a text back, saying, 'Sorry bud, small objects are a choking hazard for her,' and then blocked him."
This led to an argument at work.
"The other day, he came into the office, looking furious, and 'confronted' me about misleading him by not having a wedding ring on when I'm married (I don't always wear it because of skin problems)."
"I said I didn't need to prove anything to anybody and didn't lead anyone on."
"He said he was trying to get close to me and I should've told him I'm married from the get-go."
"I said I was sorry but maybe he shouldn't have basically tried to enforce a relationship with anyone, regardless if they're in a relationship or not."
"He said that my husband and I were rude and offensive, and then he rushed out."
There was a rift among the coworkers.
"Other coworkers said Morgan was an a**hole but that I too bare the blame for not having my wedding ring on and being somewhat misleading."
"I said I don't think I owe anyone an explanation and refused to apologize for what happened just to keep the peace in the office."
"AITA really for not wearing my wedding ring?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought Morgan's behavior was disgusting and sexist.
"The two coworkers he dated honestly probably did it solely to get him to stop the pursuit. Disgusting, all these poor women having to be around him."
"OP, you are lightyears away from being TA." - eggrollin2200
"You don't need a d**n wedding ring for him to be out of line. YOU TOLD HIM TO BACK OFF. That should have been enough."
"Imagine if you were single and just uninterested in him... Would that make his behavior acceptable? ABSOLUTELY NOT." - Crastin8
"NTA. Honestly, this guy sounds like a sexual harassment lawsuit just waiting to happen. I'd report the whole history to HR. Even though you've already dealt with it, the guy seems to have a history of making unwanted advances to women."
"By the way, it isn't a person's responsibility to broadcast to the office that they are married and no longer part of the dating pool; it's their potential suitor's responsibility to be sure that the people he's trying to date are actually interested."
"In this story, the woman was the target of the unwanted advances and the man was the aggressor, but the rule applies to everyone. Make 10000% sure that someone is interested in your advances BEFORE you make them." - Throw77away77name
"NTA."
"The guy would be an AH even if you were single, because it's not like you must date whoever hits on you just because you aren't taken. It does not matter if you are married or not, and it's not your responsibility to broadcast your relationship status, because you said NO, making it irrelevant."
"Report him to HR for sexual harassment, choking hazard included."
"Depending on the country, his behavior may even be a police case. If yes, do that." - tatasz
"He is saying he might have respected another man claiming you as his personal property if he had stamped his mark on you clearly enough, but he wouldn't in a million years respect your rights as an autonomous human being just because you don't pee standing up." - Signal-Television510
"NTA."
"If he thought you 'were lying about being married to get him off your back' why on earth would he keep pushing??"
"The issue isn't that you pretended to not be married (which you didn't even do!!) but that he can't take no for an answer."
"Whether you are married or not, how he acted is completely inappropriate!" - Jemma_2
"What the h**l is wrong with the coworkers?"
"This player makes the rounds with multiple coworkers."
"He goes after the new person. The new person says, hey dude, not interested."
"He stops for a hot minute, but then starts up again. The new person says, hey dude, I said not interested, here's more info, I'm married."
"Then he claims she's lying?!? And continues to harass her and sends hotdogs."
"The coworkers... obviously, it's all your fault, and you can't blame him because he didn't see the claim stake."
"What universe are we in?"
"OP, please go to HR. He's done this to multiple women, and obviously, everyone else at this workplace is too unprofessional to get why this is a problem." - wildeflowers
Others agreed and urged the OP to report what happened to Human Resources (HR).
"NTA. Immediately go to HR with this."
"He is sexually harassing you at the workplace, and the excuse that 'I wouldn't have harassed you if I knew your vagina was claimed by a different man' is disgusting." - UsernameTaken93456
"I've been worn down like this before whether it's agreeing to a date or even just giving my number to someone because they wouldn't back off. Men like that know exactly what they're doing and his treatment of OP makes it obvious this isn't his first go at sexually harassing a woman, whether it's just in this workplace or anywhere else."
"This 'handsome guy in the office' is literally just a predatory guy in the office and needs to be reported to HR immediately." - BlazingApp965
"You have received an unsolicited hot dog pic from a coworker and peer. This is not acceptable."
"Take that pic right to HR. Your office is not Tinder." - stellablue925
"He didn't know she was OWNED by another man, because she didn't wear her WEDDING SHACKLE to prove she is no longer OBTAINABLE."
"Her saying NO didn't matter, because as we all know, women do not have agency and are all lying snakes until they are CAPTURED and TURNED INTO well-mannered women."
"NTA, as soon as she asked him not to and he refused he became TA."
"Go to HR about him, as well as any coworker who essentially victim-blamed you." - Eveanon
"NTA."
"Go to HR. What Morgan was doing to you would be considered sexual harassment, especially with sending inappropriate texts. Even if you weren't married, you told him you weren't interested, and yet he persisted anyway."
"Also, a 'nice' guy doesn't have to preach how nice he is. It's in his actions."
"Also, it's your and your partner's business whether you wear your ring or not."
"Your husband's a real one for replying to him after Morgan sent you an unsolicited d**k pic." - ElevatorOk8601
"NTA. Is he f**king kidding? He said YOU were rude and offensive after he sent you (a colleague) a disgusting picture of his d**k unrequested and told you to suck it?"
"Wow, this has made my day. Some people live in a crazy world in their heads, don't they?"
"That's grounds for sexual harassment in the office, dismissal, and a lawsuit. What a prick."
"And no, you are not leading anyone on in the workplace by not wearing your wedding ring. How ridiculous. Just like the girl in the skirt is 'leading her rapist to believe she wants sex.' Ch**st. Go to HR."
"By the way, your husband is an absolute LEGEND." - bunkbedgirl1989
"NTA. GO TO HR IMMEDIATELY and keep a record of everything he has sent you so you can show them."
"It p**ses me off that people don't respect your boundaries when you say you're not interested, as if the only reason they would stop is that another man has 'claimed' you, like we're property."
"He needs to learn his lesson. Please update us after you go to HR." - bettleheimderks
The subReddit was disturbed by Morgan's persistence, as well as the OP's coworkers' reactions, accusing her of partially leading him by not wearing her ring.
Hopefully reaching out to her boss or Human Resources would lead to a serious improvement in the OP's workplace instead of further hardships.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.