Life can be very difficult to get through in one piece.
And in the darkest of times, people have to find ways to cope.
Many people have found solace and comfort in emotional support assistance, such as dogs, cats, and… dolls.
Redditor Lalabellum wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to give my niece what she wants for her birthday?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Yesterday, we had a big family gathering, which meant my older sister (29) and her daughter (6) came over. “
“For half of the day, everything was well and good.”
“After lunch, my sister got tired, so I (27 F[emale]) volunteered to look after my niece when my sister took a nap.”
“Now, I have a collection of stuffed animals and 20cm (7.8 inches for those in America) dolls, which I let my niece play with when her mother napped.”
“Then my sister woke up, joined us, and we spent some more time together before she announced it was time for them to leave.”
“This was when my niece pointed at the doll I was holding and said she liked him and that she wanted me to give him to her.”
“I told her that she could get any other doll and/or stuffed animals that she wanted from my collection, just not this one.”
“My niece got really upset and started crying, saying that her birthday was coming (it’s next week), and she wanted that doll as her birthday present.”
“Again, I told her I couldn’t give him to her, explaining to her he was very important to me.”
“I didn’t tell my niece in detail why he is important to me because she’s still too young to understand, but I will explain it here to give a clearer picture.”
“I’ve had this doll for a long while now, even back in the darkest time of my life, when nothing seemed to go right for me.”
“I was advised to find an outlet, letting out my thoughts either in the form of writing or drawing.”
“One of my drawings was the design for the doll in this post.”
“I spent a lot of time with it, shading it, coloring it and all that.”
“Then I got the idea of turning the drawing into something physical.”
“I searched and searched and eventually found someone I trusted that could help me with this.”
“For months, we worked together, choosing the materials, fabrics, and threads to make my doll’s body, hair, and eyes.”
“A lot of money was spent.”
“But the process helped my mind be in a better place, and the result was so worth it.”
“I was so happy the day I had him in my hands, and since then, he has been my emotional support doll.”
“I don’t know if it’s strange, but whenever I look at him, I just feel like I can overcome everything.”
“So yes, he’s very important to me.”
“My sister told me maybe it was time for me to let go of him.”
“Again, I told them I could give my niece any other dolls and stuffed animals she wanted, just not this one.”
“My niece cried harder and started screaming.”
“My sister told me I was being an overgrown child, that I needed to act my age and stop clinging to a toy.”
“It ended with her leaving with my still crying niece, telling me that I needed to prioritize my family over a doll.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Would also prevent your room from getting trashed if there’s a tantrum when she still doesn’t get her way and the doll is just gone.”
“Sounds like she fixated on it because it was the only one you wouldn’t let her play with, so it could get ugly if the doll is gone.”
“Oh, and NTA.” ~ SLevine262
“NTA. But I also think of worst-case scenarios and feel like you should keep the doll hidden and in a safe place when they come over or if they ever go over when you aren’t home (if that ever happens since clearly I don’t know your living situation).” ~ HereFromFB
“Look OP- NTA and yes change the locks to your room.”
“Also, your sister needs to teach her daughter that she doesn’t just get to demand other people’s items.”
“She doesn’t get to walk into the store and demand an item for free.”
“And if your sister doesn’t want to teach her that, you clearly need to step back from helping her with your niece until she’s willing to teach her daughter right from wrong.”
“My daughter is 5 and understands no is no.”
“Literally tonight she wanted to sleep in the living room.”
“I said no. She tried. Asked 10 times.”
“It was a firm no.”
“In the end, she got ready for bed and was in her bed. Why?”
“Because I’m the adult.”
“Explained why she can’t sleep in the living room.”
“And I reinforced my decision.”
“She’s 5. She understood.” ~ SorryRestaurant3421
“NTA. Not extreme enough in my family.”
“Changing the lock on your door may not be enough.”
“When I was a teen and away from home one summer, I put my most precious possessions in a locked box, in a locked desk, and put the desk in a closet and installed a padlock on the closet door.”
“Locked the room down too.”
“I came home to find one of my much older and married sisters had broken into the room, closet, desk, and box.”
“She took my things and was triumphant about it.”
“Told me if I wanted to keep them safe I should have secured them better.”
“She lived elsewhere with her husband, but I still lived in my parents’ home.”
“My parents condoned her actions.”
“Where are your parents on this issue?”
“How far will your sister go?”
“You may need to keep the doll with you or in a secure location off-premise.” ~ solitarybydesign
“I hate to assume the worst possible outcome, but I would find somewhere safe to store the doll, at least until the birthday is past and it’s been forgotten about.”
“You could find a small locking box and stow it in an area of the house where it wouldn’t be looked for.’
“Deep in a utility closet, for instance, or tucked away in a guest bedroom— just not in your room/the room with your other dolls.”
“Your sister might not have any plans, but her daughter is potentially a different story.”
“And I want to be clear, I’m not calling her a monster or anything like that!”
“But she is 6– so probably pretty impulsive, and probably has a lot of room to grow re: decision making.”
“She has also demonstrated some learned entitlement, and she has her sights set on this doll.”
“NTA, but don’t give her the opportunity to do something that can’t be undone.” ~- chimerical-
“Why do adults of the family think they have a right to other people’s property, just because their child cried?”
“Would they demand it of anybody else?”
“Objects not of much value can be requested not demanded, and paid for if required.” ~ abstractengineer2000
“As a mother, no idea.”
“There were times my kids cried because they wanted to have something that belonged to someone else.”
“I explained to the child why they can’t have it but the person it belonged to gave up to the crying anyway and gave them what they wanted without asking me.”
“I honestly wasn’t too happy about it.”
“Kids need to understand that this is not how it works.”
“It enforced the habit of tantrums to get what they want.” ~ Laurelinn
“Time to either put a keyed lock/deadbolt on either your bedroom or closet door so that you have a safe place for those items as your sister has made it clear she has zero respect for your boundaries and has shown clear indicators she’s not going to willingly teach your niece that no means no.”
“NTA. Children aren’t entitled to an adult’s keepsakes.” ~ Ashamed_File6955
“For me as a babysitter and nanny, once they calmed down I always tried to ask them ‘How would you feel if someone demanded your blankie/favorite stuffed animal/favorite toy/tablet/etc and then got mad at you for not giving it away or worse stole it from you or broke it because they felt like it?'”
“‘Oh, you’d be sad, mad, and hurt? Well, so was I (or your cousin, sibling, friend).'”
“‘Did how much you want that thing make up for how it feels to have made the other person feel?'”
“‘Would it be worth knowing that you might never be able to make them feel better and make it right?”
“Most kids struggle with full-on empathy, with being able to imagine exactly how they’ve made someone feel until they…”
“A) have boundaries involving how they treat others and how they’re treated…”
“B) are taught how to analyze their own feelings and the age and development appropriate way of expressing them — don’t think a toddler’s gonna stop with all tantrums lol, and…”
“C) teach them how to think about how they would feel to be on the receiving end of meanness/selfishness/etc.”
“I’m not saying that it’s always gonna work, but I watched a lot of kids the niece’s age learn to empathize by doing this.”
“The people that let their children scream and demand things, especially other people’s things, and then either reinforce it through acquiring or attempting to acquire said things or by excusing and allowing that behavior are setting their children up for misery in so many ways.”
“Socially, emotionally and possibly even financially as most people don’t get to have everything we want as grown-ups and the disappointment of that we learn to cope with as kids.”
“No one is ever gonna care enough to be understanding of a tantrumming adult except Mommy and Daddy and perhaps Grandma and Grandpa.”
“Everyone else will despise them very very very quickly, when they’re still children even.” ~ ThatDiscoSongUHate
“NTA. HIDE HIM!!”
“He will absolutely disappear and become your niece’s new toy, or worse, be destroyed because ‘if niece can’t have him then nobody should, because it upsets her!'”
“Find someone you trust to keep him until this blows over or keep him on your person AT ALL TIMES, even in the bathroom.” ~ NonConformistFlmingo
“NTA. Your niece needs to be taught that she can’t have everything she wants, or she’s going to grow into an absolute monster.”
“Sounds like your sister already has her on that path.”
“She can’t just demand other people’s things.”
“That’s never okay, and she’s old enough to learn that not everything is hers for the taking.”
“She also needs to be taught that other people’s needs and wants have to be considered, too.”
“She wants the doll because she likes it, but she doesn’t have any kind of deep connection to the doll.”
“You need it because it is a comfort item you rely on.”
“Needs trump wants.” ~cKaliTheBlaze
“Hell no. NTA Your sister is a selfish, thoughtless AH and raising her daughter to be the same.”
“Neither of them has any right to demand anything of yours, and the fact that she obviously knows the story of this doll and still accuses you of being childish – the gall!” ~ SufficientBasis5296
“NTA. Sister needs to teach daughter that she may not get everything she wants sometimes.”
“I’m sorry you are having to feel this way about something so special to you.” ~ princessgirl069
Reddit understands your feelings, OP.
This is your property.
This is your trauma and recovery.
You must prioritize yourself.
Hopefully, your sister will come around to find some understanding.
Good luck.