Over the course of a relationship, an argument is bound to come up from time to time, whether it’s about something small like dinner plans or something big like where to live.
And sometimes, the argument on the surface is far from what the actual argument is about, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor sunny_dayyay was concerned when his wife made dinner for their family, only to discover the chicken she’d made was uncooked.
But when his wife was frustrated with him making a simpler backup meal, the Original Poster (OP) was confused as to why.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for not letting our kids eat my wife’s cooking?”
The OP’s responsibilities were imbalanced with his wife’s.
“I (34 Male) have a wife (32 Female) and we have two children (4 Female and 7 Male).”
“I work as a manager at a care home, and my wife owns a bakery with her mum. My wife cooks all the time because she is much better at cooking than I am, but I cook sometimes.”
“She is the one who takes care of the house, kids, and chores.”
The OP was concerned when he saw his wife’s latest dinner.
“Yesterday when I came back from work, dinner was ready, so I plated it up for everyone while my wife was washing her hands (my kids like their food cut up).”
“I was cutting their chicken into pieces, and it looked a bit pink.”
“I told my wife to look at it and she said, ‘It’s a little pink but it’s fine.'”
“I told her I’m not letting them eat this if it’s pink.”
“She told me to stop being a baby and it won’t kill them.”
“I kept telling her it’s pink in the middle. They shouldn’t eat that, because they can get food poisoning and that’s it’s dangerous for them.”
“She told me, ‘If you don’t want them eating it, then you can cook their dinner.'”
The OP didn’t understand why his wife was upset.
“I made them cheese and ham toasties, and also made her one but she didn’t eat it.”
“She told me she isn’t talking to me if I think her cooking is horrible.”
“I don’t think it’s horrible, I just didn’t want our kids eating that.”
“I told her to stop thinking she was right.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some questioned why the OP didn’t return the chicken to the pan.
“What part of the chicken? Breast, yeah I can kind of see the concern (not enough to make a song and dance about it, just cook it longer), but thigh? Sometimes that IS pink even when cooked perfectly.”
“Different parts aren’t always perfectly white when cooked.” – Mission_Ad_2224
“There are other issues at play. Some cuts of chicken can be a little pink. And the likelihood of catching salmonella from undercooked chicken is really really small compared to say… cross-contamination.”
“But my question is why didn’t you just cook it a bit longer? Offer to help?”
“And why for god’s sake is she the one who ‘takes care of the kids, house, and chores’ if she is working? This has very little to do with chicken and a lot to do with pent-up hostility and resentment. Very well-earned resentment.” – cleanmachine2244
“Even if the chicken was cut up and heating it in the oven was impractical. You could just toss the cut-up chicken on a skillet for a few minutes to finish it. Making a whole new meal was absurd.” – Velocityg4
“I would be so p**sed if a meal I worked hard on making was thrown out just because it was slightly undercooked.”
“This ain’t Gordon Ramsay. Undercooking things sometimes is normal, just throw it back in the air fryer or oven or skillet for a couple of minutes and everything’s good to go. Easy.” – vivimii
“I can almost 100% predict what happened. The husband sat around while she did everything after both of them worked a long day. Then he came in and told her what she did was wrong and worded it as she would intentionally give their children food poisoning.”
“She got irritated and went, ‘F**k it, you do it then.'”
“YTA.” – Awolrab
“Why didn’t you just put the chicken back in the oven?!”
“In the meantime, YTA. Pink chicken is not dangerous if the internal temp was high enough.”
“Also, instead of just saying, ‘Oh honey, I am worried the chicken is a little pink, can we cook it just a little more just to be safe,’ you went all the way to, ‘I am not serving that to the kids!’ and made a new meal altogether.” – MaybeAWalrus
Others pointed out this was a clear division of labor problem.
“Can I just…”
“‘I work as a manager at a care home and my wife owns a bakery with her mum.’ Ok, so two working parents, got it.”
“‘My wife cooks all the time because she is much better at cooking than I am, I cook sometimes.’ Dang, it’s so unfair how women are just genetically better at cooking than men are. Women don’t have to go through the tedious process of learning how to cook like men do, how nice for them.”
“‘She is the one who takes care of the house, kids, and chores.’ So she runs a business, and a household, takes care of the kids, and does all the chores. What do you do?”
“Oh, complain about pink chicken and be extra about making the kids a whole new meal instead of putting the chicken in the microwave for 45 seconds.”
“YTA.”
“Everyone is assuming that OP’s wife likes cooking more and that’s why she does it, and that would be another conversation. (And loving baking =/= loving working all day in a bakery and then coming home to the responsibility of preparing and cooking a meal.) But that’s not what OP said, and I’m taking OP at his word.”
“He said that his wife is better at cooking, and that’s why she does the majority of it. Just because she’s better at a task doesn’t mean it’s fair for her to hold her responsible for it. Just like it wouldn’t be fair for her to be responsible for all of the chores, child raising, household management, etc. if she happened to be better at them than he is.”
“You all are absolutely right; cooking isn’t gendered, and neither are the rest of those responsibilities. And that’s why OP should practice and build his skillset instead of justifying the uneven division of household labor by saying, ‘She’s better at it.'” – lucifer2990
“They both work yet she takes care of the children and chores? I’d have no patience for his crap either.”
“And the color isn’t a good indicator of the doneness of the chicken. There is nothing in this post that indicates he was right and his comment, ‘I told her to stop thinking she was right,’ is just plain a**hole behavior regardless.”
“It’s like this man has no idea how to de-escalate a fight and have a proper conversation to resolve the issue. YTA.” – greenops
“I was already raising a brow at ‘She cooks all the time because she’s sooo much better at it,’ but when I got to the ‘She also takes care of the house, kids, and chores’ part, I was like d**n, is she also soo much better at doing all those things?”
“Probably, since she doesn’t get a choice! Sheesh, weaponized incompetence at its finest. How long until people finally stop getting away with this s**t?” – addangel
“My wife and I (both female) are similar in that I do all the cooking because I’m good at it… But she insists on doing all the dishes because we are a team and she appreciated my good cooking. Dude sounds like an a**.” – Ashesandends
“Seriously, she’s also presumably in a kitchen a lot of her day because of the bakery, so no way she really wants to spend more time in the kitchen to feed them.”
“OP, YTA, and work on an equitable split of home responsibilities.” – JWilesParker
“YTA. Not for the pink chicken but because you let your wife do the chores, cooking, and child-rearing.”
“THAT is why your concerns were not taken well. She’s tired, lol (laughing out loud). Step up.” – Usual_Peanut_6430
“She sounds f**king exhausted, she works in her own bakery and by the sounds of it does all of the housework and cooking as well.”
“Meanwhile, this guy comes in and is like, ‘Ugh, this food sucks, don’t worry everyone, your savior is here, I made toasted cheese sandwiches’ and flexes.” – Reddit
The subReddit was left shaking their heads in favor of the OP’s wife, wondering what the OP was thinking. Not only was the wife likely right about the chicken, and the chicken could have been cooked a little more to ease the OP’s mind, but how he handled the situation was wrong.
Even beyond making a replacement meal, it was clear to the subReddit that work needed to be done in the home to redistribute their domestic responsibilities.