Though we know that no one is perfect, we would practically never expect our closest loved ones to hurt us.
But then they do something unexpected, and we struggle to face the truth, empathized the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Key-Introduction9900 was shocked when he received a text from his sister-in-law (SIL) making claims about how hard it was to live with a pregnant woman like her sister, and offering to take care of him while his wife was pregnant.
Shocked by the offer, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure how to break the bad news to his wife.
He asked the sub:
“My pregnant wife’s sister offered to sleep with me. AITAH if I tell her?”
The OP received a shocking text from his sister-in-law (SIL).
“My wife (24 Female) and I (24 Male) have been together for three years and married for about six months now. We found out that we’re going to be parents and we are both very excited.”
“We told our families over the weekend and everyone was happy for us.”
“This morning, I got a text from my wife’s sister (21 Female), saying that she knows that women can get emotionally and physically abusive and can put a stop to intimacy during pregnancy. She said that she is willing to ‘help’ me out anytime sexually or emotionally during and after the pregnancy.”
The OP knew this would hurt his wife’s relationship with her sister.
“Obviously, I have no interest in anyone other than my wife but how do I tell her what her sister offered?”
“My wife has always been there for her sister and they have always been super close. Her sister was the MOH (Maid of Honor) at our wedding.”
“I don’t want my wife to lose that bond and it would destroy her if she found out that her sister was willing to betray her like that.”
“At the same time, her sister is a snake and is willing to ruin our marriage and the life of her soon-to-be-nephew/niece for what I’m guessing is a childish crush on me.”
He was at a loss for how to break the text to his wife.
“My first priority is my wife and unborn child, and anyone else can go to h**l. How do I approach this situation? There is literally no good outcome.”
“I can tell my wife tonight. She will be absolutely devastated. I will always be there for her and I know her parents will be on her side, but losing a 20-year bond with her sibling while in such a vulnerable state sounds terrible.”
“How can I possibly tell my wife that the sister she loved and looked after for so many years, wanted to sleep with her husband while she was pregnant?”
“If I don’t tell her soon and tell her later, she may lose her trust in me. If I don’t tell her at all, my wife will be close with someone who clearly does not care for her and could easily betray her again in the future.”
“AITAH if I go ahead with telling her?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some urged the OP to tell his wife as soon as possible about his sister-in-law (SIL)’s text.
“Sorry dude, you have to tell your wife tonight! Otherwise, your SIL is going to twist it and try to make it look like this was YOUR idea!”
“Key, SHOW YOUR WIFE THE TEXT. It’s proof that your wife’s sister was hitting on you, not the other way around. It will also show your wife that you are not hiding anything, and not attempting to hide anything.”
“I don’t think you can avoid hurting your wife at all in this situation, but you can at least minimize any hurt, by being open with her. And if she asks why you didn’t show her SIL’S text as soon as you read it, tell her the truth about that too: you didn’t know how to handle it, and you didn’t want this situation to hurt or worry her.”
“Keep this in mind, going forward: AS A GENERAL RULE, not a specific one, most of the pain inflicted by this kind of situation will be spared by partners trusting each other to be open with them about ANYTHING.”
“Think about that. How would you feel, if five or ten years from now, you found out that your best friend was repeatedly making passes at your wife? And even if he wasn’t doing it anymore, would that make any difference to the way you felt about her?” – daylily61
“He should explain his concerns while telling her, in my opinion. It’ll show how much he cares and respects her by saying, ‘I really wish this didn’t happen bc I don’t want you to lose your sister but…’ And show her the text. I’d block the sister too so it shows he doesn’t want her contacting him due to this.” – Similar-Permission
“Reply to her with a simple ‘no’ then show your wife before your SIL does. If she’s willing to ruin your marriage with an offer, then she’s willing to ruin it by making it seem like you’re happy to keep something from your wife.” – megwyn9
“OP could preface it by saying, ‘Hey, I don’t know why your sister sent me this, but I am not okay with it, even if she’s joking or drunk.'”
“But either way, OP needs to tell his wife immediately. If he doesn’t, he could very quickly be the AH in this situation.” – Carbon-Base
“You need to tell her now. Text her now saying you need to talk tonight so it doesn’t look like you’re sitting on this info.”
“Maybe don’t tell her you asked the internet for advice, I would be humiliated about that part if I were her. Even if it is mostly anonymous.”
“But yeah, tell her now before her sister makes some s**t up about you and gets to her first.” – Witchgrass
“OP, your honest, loyal, and loving relationship takes precedent over protecting her from knowing her sister is a disgusting backstabbing b***h. It’s going to hurt, but it will hurt her so much more to know you kept it from her.” – queen0fgreen
A few pondered if this was a test of the OP, which he would also need to address.
“Would your wife ever have told her to do it to see how you reacted?” – Wrong-Somewhere-5225
“Whether this was a real text or a test, the longer you take to tell her, the worse it could be. If you don’t respond to the sister, she might panic and get to your wife first.” – Thatsthetea123
“My cynical a** was like, ‘The wife put her sister up to this as a test because she’s feeling scared.’ I f**kin’ hate the world, man.”
“But hey, maybe it’s just a devious a** little sister trying to get back at her big sister for some s**t that happened in middle school or something, what do I know?”
“Either way, the OP should check in with his wife.” – Leveloutlandishness1
“Pregnancy can mess with unstable, jealous sisters (the non-pregnant one).”
“My wife had to cut her sister off because she was mental when my wife was pregnant. Texting her every day telling her that her husband (me) is probably cheating on her etc.”
“After our daughter was born. We tried to give SIL a second chance and made every effort to be nice to her and let her be a part of the family. But no, she couldn’t hold it together. She snapped and went mental on a family holiday and ended up punching our four-year-old daughter in the back of the head.”
“Sometimes, you gotta know when to cut someone out of your life. Before the s**t hits the fan.” – who_farted_this_time
“Playing games like that is so f**ked up. In this scenario, not only does the sister look like a h*e, but then the wife is also playing manipulation games. The husband goes from worrying about how to tell his wife this horrible news, to learning that his wife set him up; with sis as an accomplice to her schemes.”
“My husband would leave me so fast for such a betrayal.”
“If this is a test, the relationship could suffer from trust issues for a very long time, and may never repair. Not to mention, being pregnant is a very delicate time, especially when it comes to emotions; not just physical health.”
“Stress can literally kill a pregnancy (I know from experience). Why set your husband up to fail; to then destroy your relationship at the top of your starting a family together?” – tooshytotellsoihide
Others reminded the OP that his SIL was ruining the relationship, not him.
“The O.P.’s wife’s relationship with her sister is probably going to be permanently affected. That’s unfortunate, but if the O.P.’s own relationship with his wife is going to survive unharmed, then damage to his wife’s relationship with her sister IS UNAVOIDABLE.”
“And as a woman, I can tell you that even knowing that her sister would betray her would be WAY less painful than thinking her husband would.”
“If the O.P. is loyal to his wife AND open with her, it’s possible that she and her sister might reconcile one day. But if she thinks he knowingly deceived her, whether or not she’s right about that, she’s not likely ever to forgive her husband OR her sister.” – ElectroshockGamer
“NTA.”
“This is a very simple solution, OP. Rip the bandaid off, and tell your wife.”
“Your wife’s sister betrayed you, your wife, your marriage, and her family the second she tried to inject that toxicity into your relationship.”
“This type of person is the same kind of manipulative excrement that will turn around and say she was testing your loyalty to her sister (your wife) if you give her any warning at all that you might tell your wife. Don’t give her any opportunity to manipulate you. Tell your wife the truth before she has a chance to twist facts and destroy your marriage.”
“Your wife’s devastation will pale in comparison to pussy-footing the situation in a way that calls your loyalty into question. Sister needs to be dealt with swiftly and decisively now.”
“She did the FA (f**k around) part and now she needs to FO (find out). Better now than later.” – Adept_Ad_473
“NTA. Your relationship with your wife is the most important thing now, more than anything, including her relationship with her sister. I’d let your wife know and tell her obviously you are not going to take up her sister’s offer.” – TheLeadSearcher
“Absolutely do not respond to the text. Take the text to your wife and say, ‘What in the world is your sister on? Is she drinking? Is she joking? This is insane,’ and just show it to her.”
“It’s up to your wife to decide how to react to this. They are close. She knows her well. Just support your wife in whatever she decides.”
“You are her partner; please trust me, this is the best course of action, and she needs to know now. You two are a team.”
“Tell her now. Good luck!” – waterfallwishes
“Showing your wife the message is the only method where you have control of the situation, and you won’t constantly worry that the sister is going to suddenly bring it up in a disingenuous way.”
“I understand the concern about the impact it’s going to have on her relationship with her sister but that’s the sister’s fault, not yours. Plus, all you would be preserving would be a façade of a close relationship where she wouldn’t do something like that. Why put yourself at risk to preserve something that’s not genuine?”
“You could perhaps start off by saying, ‘Has your sister ever had any times where she’s behaved out of character or struggled with her mental health in the past?’ You never know, it could be something like that if this is out of character for her.”
“Plus it’s a nonzero chance this is some kind of weird test to see if you tell the wife, so telling her knocks any negative outcome from that on the head.” – Wulf_Cola
While the subReddit had some suspicions about what the sister was thinking or if this was a test created by the OP’s wife and her sister, they still insisted that the OP talk to his wife about this as soon as possible.
The more time he allowed to pass before talking to her, the more likely the OP’s wife would suspect that he was entertaining an idea that he had no interest in.