Back in the day, the SATs were a two part timed exam with a single math section—which didn’t allow the use of anything but scratch paper that was provided on site—and a verbal section. 1600 was a perfect score.
Now the verbal section has been split into entirely independent “Evidence-Based Reading” and “Writing” sections and math has separate with calculator and without calculator sections. Instead of getting just two scores, test takers now get four.
Cheating mainly involved hiring someone else to take the test for you. Anything else was difficult since cell phones, ear buds, smart phones, tablets and even laptops didn’t exist in the consumer market yet.
But with those products and the inclusion of calculators in testing gear, there are new options for people determined to cheat.
A mother trying to discipline her cheating daughter turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
FrustratedMotherAITA asked:
“AITA For making my daughter pay for her own college testing and applications because she was caught cheating?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I received a call to pick up my daughter ‘Lily’ because she had been caught cheating on her practice SAT. After arriving, I learned Lily’s friend ‘Sam’ had also been caught cheating.”
“Her score was canceled, but, thankfully, Lily will still be allowed to retake the test and this has not gone under any kind of record.”
“When I talked to Lily about what happened, she told me that Sam’s mother was going to punish Sam if she didn’t earn an exceptionally high score. And Sam had, in turn, put pressure on my daughter to help her cheat.”
“I have felt for a long time that Sam is not a genuine friend to Lily and has been trying to hold my daughter back to feel better about her own poor choices. And I had spoken to Lily about this before, and to not let Sam manipulate her into anything she knows is wrong.”
“Lily typed several formulas/answers, printed them, and attached them as a fake nutrition label on her snacks. Sam did the same.”
“It wasn’t as if she got lost in the moment when deciding to cheat. She had plenty of time to think about what she was doing.”
“The school required all snacks to be brought in a clear plastic bag and be left on a table nearby. During the test, one of the proctors looked at the bags and noticed the fake labels which is how they were caught.”
“Lily told me that she had understood, yet did this.”
“I told Lily that, to prove she will take her education seriously from now on, she will need to come up with the fees for her future tests and college applications on her own. I suggested she start working odd jobs (such as babysitting or dog walking for the neighbors) to save up early.”
“Despite telling me she understood, the time to register for the next test is approaching, and my daughter asked me to pay because she is short on cash and her school will not offer the test again until spring. She brought up the original excuse that Sam pressured her into cheating.”
“I told my daughter no. I am not going back on my word, and she will learn to treat these opportunities with respect once she has to earn it herself.”
“I also told Lily that she needs to stop letting Sam manipulate her, and if she can’t stand up to her, then maybe she doesn’t have the mental maturity for college.”
“Our extended family became involved in the disagreement and are insisting that we cover the fee because it’s for her education and is important for college. I am not allowing them to cover the fee for Lily because it’s undermining my lesson.”
“Inevitably, someone pretending to be her friend is going to pressure her to cheat again in college. Then when she gets caught again, I will wind up losing thousands of dollars and Lily will lose her shot at a good education.”
“Her college journey won’t last long regardless unless she learns responsibility now. Even though she spent her money poorly and doesn’t have enough now, she will be able to wait and test in spring, even if it’s a less convenient time for her.”
“AITA For putting my foot down with Lily and our family?”
The OP later added some clarification and reactions to some commonly expressed concerns:
“Lily is now a junior in high school. Taking the test in spring will not delay Lily’s college applications.”
“If she takes the test as a junior in the spring, or even decides to retry during the summer, her score will still be available for her to use by the time fall applications roll around.”
“I have also broken down the math. Lily had and still has ample time and opportunity to save up.”
“With the advice of her counselor, Lily will be applying to seven schools. I have also spoken to several professionals currently involved in college admissions, they agree that seven is the ideal number and that it is no longer recommendable to apply to more schools than that.”
“The fee to take the SAT is $60 in our area. It is the same no matter how many times you have taken the test before. Most of the schools Lily has expressed interest have application fees under $40, and typically offer fee waivers to applicants in the activities that Lily is in.”
“Even with mailing out transcripts (her school charges $10), there is no reasonable circumstance in which Lily is paying above $500 for everything.”
“Cheating may be common as some people have claimed, but it is still wrong and has far more serious consequences in college and the real world compared to high school. I do not understand what benefit it would bring Lily to teach her that doing something wrong is OK because ‘they might turn a blind eye’.”
“Lily does have friends who are positive influences. She understands what a healthy relationship is like, and that Sam isn’t one.”
“Lily and Sam have talked less since they were caught cheating, but Lily hasn’t cut Sam off entirely. Trying to force them not to be friends wouldn’t work. Teenagers will always find ways to see each other if they want to.”
“Besides, the point is that there will always be people like Sam who will pretend to be Lily’s friend and manipulate her for their own advantage. Lily is 16 and becoming an adult.”
“I won’t be able to force those kinds of people away when she’s in college or living by herself. Lily won’t make it on her own unless she can stand up to those people now.”
“Lastly, I will not make Lily volunteer with less fortunate kids as an ‘eye-opener’. You may have had good intentions suggesting that, but I view it as exploitative.”
“If Lily were interested in volunteering with less fortunate kids simply out of a desire to help, I would be thrilled. But kids with less fortunate backgrounds are not ‘life lessons’ for people with privileged backgrounds.”
“If she spends her money wisely this time, she will have more than enough to cover the fees. Especially as these are the only expenses she will need to cover.”
“Starting in the summer, Lily made $10 from each time walking our neighbors’ dogs. Doing that twice a week allowed her to save up enough for the SAT fee in three weeks.”
“She earned more than enough, but blew it on outings and other things she didn’t need. If Lily is responsible with her money this time around, she will have more than enough money to pay for her SAT by the time spring rolls around.”
“If Lily works hard, there will be no delay in her college application process. The problem is that Lily needs to stop letting people such as Sam manipulate her. Cheating will have far heavier consequences in college than high school.”
“She will not make it on her own at a college unless she’s willing to stand up for herself. I’m also trying to teach her finality and consequences now before she loses her chance at a good education.”
“Sam has displayed a pattern of manipulative behavior towards Lily for a long time now—they met at 13 and her behavior was pointed out to Lily at 14. It is clear that Sam is not receiving the right kind of support at home, but that is an explanation, not a justification for Sam’s behavior.”
“Sam was wrong to pressure Lily, however, Lily also had a choice to let Sam manipulate her when she knew cheating was wrong.”
“In the real world and college, there will always be people with selfish intentions who will pretend to be her friend. If Lily cannot stand up to those people, she won’t make it on her own.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I am making my daughter pay for her own college testing/applications because she cheated.”
“Our extended family is saying that we should cover these fees for her because my daughter is still 16 and these things are important for her college and education.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Reasonable consequence for cheating. She’s had plenty of opportunity to earn the money to pay for the test; if she can’t be bothered that’s on her. Besides, she can always take the test next spring; missing it now isn’t the end of the world.” ~ Waste_Worker6122
“NTA. Cheating has consequences, and she had chances to earn the money. If she missed the test, she can always try again next spring. Not the end of the world.” ~ ddddddddddsdsd
“NTA. Sounds like your daughter still hasn’t learned anything from the cheating episode. She doesn’t really take responsibility for her own cheating—it was all Sam’s fault—and she didn’t take any responsibility to make money to take her test. This is all on her.”
“Stick to your reasonable consequences. Let her sit out half a year and hopefully she’ll see there are actual real-world consequences to your life when you screw up and don’t take measures to fix it.” ~ More-Yogurtcloset531
“NTA. The lesson hasn’t sunk in yet and she thinks she can just be bailed out. Maybe she thought she was skating by because there was no record of her cheating and she thinks she can skate by now too.”
“Stick to your consequences, they are more than fair. If she fails to save up, then maybe community college is more her speed for the time being.” ~ samartinez11
“Sounds to me like you are doing everything right. She needs to learn how to manage her finances and this is a great lesson.” ~ JaneTheCane
This parent has decided their daughter will appreciate the effort needed to get into college more if she foots the bill for it.
Hopefully it works.