When it comes to relationships, one subject that will get everyone riled up is the act of cheating.
While not everyone views this as an absolute deal breaker, all can agree that it takes a lot of work for a couple to move beyond the betrayal.
But one thing everyone can agree on? A person cannot be accused of cheating if there is literally no evidence, either verbal or physical, anywhere to be found, reasoned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Successful-Top3827 was shocked when his wife approached him, accusing him of an affair that she had no proof of… other than a psychic reading.
When his wife refused to listen to anyone except her ‘psychic,’ the Original Poster (OP) feared the relationship was over.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to consider stopping our divorce after my ex admitted her ‘psychic’ friend lied about me having an affair?”
The OP’s relationship with his wife was off to a good start.
“I met my wife, Rhona, when we were in college together. I made the obviously terrible assumption that the fact she was in post-secondary education meant she had a modicum of common sense.”
“We started dating our senior year and after job hunting settled on moving back to her hometown after graduating.”
“We found an apartment and lived together for two years before getting married. All good so far.”
The OP’s wife did have a bit of an unusual friend, though.
“At our wedding, I met an old friend of hers named Anna. She offered to read my palm since she was part gypsy. Weird. I am in construction, and I know a few people from that group, and they call themselves ‘Roma.’ Whatever.”
“Anna only comes to town every once in a while. She lives in NYC so she doesn’t have time to visit since she has an exciting life there. She makes costumes for plays and cosplayers. So we saw her maybe four times over the next two years.”
But then Anna meddled in the OP’s relationship.
“The last time she came was Labor Day last year, and that’s when it got weird.”
“All of a sudden, Rhona started acting oddly. She started checking in on me at work and coming by when I was working late. She kept asking to use my phone because hers was almost out of power. That sort of thing.”
“She finally came out and accused me of having an affair. I thought she was joking so I laughed and said that I was not. That set her off like a Roman candle because Anna told her I would laugh it off when Rhona came for the truth.”
“I laughed because it was ridiculous. I barely had time for a relationship with my wife and my job. I am home all weekend long. When I go golfing, her brother is almost always either in my foursome or at the club.”
“And most important of all, I love my wife. I wouldn’t do anything to harm her. And yet she takes the word of Anna, the psychic seamstress, over mine.”
The OP’s whole life got flipped upside-down.
“She asked me to leave our apartment. I said no because I had nowhere else to go. So she left and moved back with her parents. They thought she was nuts, too, but she wouldn’t listen.”
“I spent the next few months working and trying to convince her that I was not cheating and that I wanted her to come home.”
“I didn’t get invited to Thanksgiving because it would be ‘awkward.’ Then I didn’t even stick around for Christmas; I just went home to see my family.”
“My family had been following all this stupidity without commenting until then. At Christmas, they had an intervention. They said my wife was having a break from reality and that she wasn’t coming out of it. My dad told me to give my head a shake, which he only does when I am being monumentally stupid, and encouraged me to move on.”
The OP decided enough was enough.
“When I got back, I went to a lawyer and started my divorce. That was in January. Finally, at the beginning of April, about nine months after this all started, Rhona called me to talk.”
“I said that we should talk through lawyers. She started to cry, and I agreed to meet her in public if she would allow me to record our conversation so I could give a copy to my lawyer. She eventually agreed.”
“It turned out that she and her parents hired a private detective to find my affair. Six months and a huge bill later, there was zero evidence of an affair.”
“Because of that, she finally believed me and wanted to come home.”
“I told her that our lease would be up in July anyway, and I already found a job in Denver near my family.”
“She said she would come with me. I respectfully declined.”
“I told her we just weren’t right for each other. The truth is I do not want to have my offspring share DNA with this dingbat.”
Even though it was hard, the OP felt like he was probably doing the right thing.
“Anyway, I am moving ahead with my divorce. I am gutted that she took her friend’s ‘psychic vibrations’ over my word.”
“Her family approached me several times. The last time, her dad offered to front us a 25% down payment on a house if I agreed to go to marriage counseling instead of just leaving. I politely declined. I cannot be bought.”
“Rhona has since been depressed, but I see no way of ever trusting her again. She is young enough she can marry again and wreck some other guy’s life.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that divorce sounded like the best course of action.
“NTA. Once she took the word of a psychic over you, it was over.”
“The fact that she then convinced her parents to hire a Private Investigator (PI) to get info on your infidelities is just the icing on the top. And only the PI coming up empty brought about the realization that you were telling the truth.”
“What else will she blindly believe when her psychic friend has another vision? Run, don’t walk.” – Fit_Reason7319
“It is really a disheartening feeling when you come to the realization that the person you love is a f**king fool and stupid as h**l. I feel for the OP. NTA.” – Ladybug_0570
“I once worked with an older male colleague (he was 50ish, and I was 28 and recently married).”
“This man would hustle out of work at exactly 4:00 PM every day and would not stay a second later, no matter the circumstances. It turns out that his wife had been accusing him of affairs his whole marriage, and if he was five minutes late getting home, she would absolutely blow, making life h**l (or more h**lish?) for him for weeks afterward.”
“I learned that this behavior in his wife started innocently in the early years of their marriage and had ramped up to Level 10 Crazy over the years. By that time they had kids, a mortgage, and it was impossible for him financially to leave, her demands were too d**n high.”
“NTA, OP. She gave you a gift, letting you see this side of her now. Take it.” – HectorDoink
“NTA. It’s crazy diabolical of her friend to throw out accusations like that. If she wanted to show off her ‘psychic’ ability, she could have made up any other number of things that wouldn’t potentially ruin a person’s life.”
“But the psychic did help you dodge a huge bullet. Imagine if you had kids with her and her friend got a psychic vibe about you abusing the kids? That s**t could land you in jail depending on how hard she believes it.”
“While your situation really sucks, at least you are now free from someone so easily influenced.” – Ashamed-Source3551
“The OP said, ‘The truth is I do not want to have my offspring share DNA with this dingbat.'”
“NTA. This is the best line. Marriage is a partnership. If the spouse takes the word of a ‘psychic’ or any third party over the spouse when logic and the rules of time and space conflict, there’s a problem. Fundamentally incompatible.”
“I love OP going to another town and starting over. NTA.” – Square_Band9870
Others agreed and pointed out that it sounded like the OP’s in-laws were even on his side.
“I actually have a fair amount of respect for the OP’s in-laws. They agreed that their daughter was acting ‘nuts,’ and I would imagine they only hired the Private Investigator as a way to get her to come to her senses.” – SnooMacarons4844
“They offered a $100k+ down payment for a place to try and get OP to give the marriage another shot. They even suggested marriage counseling, so I’m sure they’re encouraging their daughter to pursue private sessions, as well. And I’d bet good money that they suggested the Private Investigator (and were happy to pay for it) because they knew it would come up empty and push her back to OP.”
“Even though the relationship didn’t work out, it sounds like they were looking out for the OP, which is refreshing. But the OP should not feel pressured to stick around.” – Downvote_Comforter
“Even her own parents want her out of their lives. Her dad spent a bunch of money on a private investigator… not to help his daughter, but to get her out of his home and to get that crazy out of his life.”
“And now he’s willing to literally give you money to take her back.”
“Really think about that. It’ll help you sleep at night if you ever second-guess your decision to run.”
“It sounds like they’ve technically got your back, but they also have ulterior motives: to get their crazy kid out of their house. You don’t need that crazy in your house, either.”
“NTA.” – The_Crown_And_Anchor
“Her parents were desperately trying to get her to see sense, because they know her well enough to know she’s not likely to pull off acting sane repeatedly and remarry.”
“They really, REALLY wanted OP to take care of her. It’s sad, really, but it doesn’t have to be his responsibility. NTA.” – ScarletDarkstar
“The in-laws didn’t drop big money on a private investigator because they believed their daughter. They dropped big money on the PI because they were trying to convince their daughter. They knew all along that the psychic was a bulls**tter.”
“There wasn’t any reason to believe the psychic, she wasn’t their friend.”
“I do feel bad for their situation. They paid all this money to get her daughter an education and she turns around and believes something so stupid.”
“They paid more money to prove she was wrong, but for months, she still believed the word of a psychic.”
“The only frustrating part about them is they know she is insane at this point but still want to dump her on OP.”
“If they try to bribe or even guilt the OP again, he should ask them how they expect him to be able to defend himself against a ‘psychic’ when she believes her ‘friend’ without evidence. And what the heck is he supposed to do when his partner wants nothing to do with him for basically a year?” – ShawnyMcKnight
The subReddit could not believe the situation the OP had found himself in, simply because his wife had believed the words of a presumed psychic with no other evidence at her disposal except ‘psychic vibrations.’
It was clear the relationship was not meant to work, if for no other reason except the OP’s wife was unwilling to listen to him without six months of evidence collected by a private investigator. If private investigator knowledge and confirmations is what is required to make a marriage work, it’s doomed.