Cohabitating with in-laws doesn’t always go smoothly.
A husband in conflict with his father-in-law turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Crentist77 asked:
“AITA for throwing out my father-in-law’s (FIL’s) stew that was sitting out on the counter for 3-days because I thought it was trash?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I threw out my FIL’s beef stew because it was almost entirely broth and had been sitting out for 3-days.”
“My wife cooked the stew on Friday afternoon before we left for a short vacation. My wife and I pay for almost all the groceries. It was covered in a Dutch oven but sitting out on the stove since Friday.”
“My wife made the stew specifically for him before we left for a short vacation, so he would have something to eat. It was on the stove without heat.”
“There was no room in the fridge for it; it’s a large, heavy Dutch oven. The pot was room temp and in the exact position it was when we left on Friday.”
“He was going to sleep at the time we came home and I dumped it. It would certainly be left overnight and would be almost 4-days old by the time he ate it for lunch the next day.”
“When he saw I threw it out, he got upset because he thought I intentionally threw out his food and he will not have anything to eat for lunch tomorrow.”
“He has been living with us and taking care of our new 4-month old puppy and is now planning to leave tomorrow because of this incident.”
“FYI I have a history of eating his food, either by accident or because I was hungry, and he has made clear multiple times in the past that I should not eat his food and that it upsets him when I eat his food.”
“I accidentally eat his food meaning he would leave out a McDonald’s apple pie, for example, that I had bought him for dinner, and then for lunch the next day I would eat it because I thought he was not going to eat it, but apparently he was saving it.”
“I eat his food when I’m hungry and I’m in a rush and it’s the only prepared food option. Also I bought the food, although I know it’s still wrong to do.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I threw out my FIL’s beef stew that he was saving for lunch.”
“It might make the the a**hole because I did not ask him before I threw it out and I have eaten his food before.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP wasÂ
“Jesus, this is a crazy situation. Your FIL lives with you to help take care of a puppy. You eat his food, even when you know you’re not supposed to.”
“He’s eating food that’s been sitting out for 3 days at room temperature. There are a lot more serious questions here than who’s the AH.” ~ strangenamereqs
“It could go one way or the other. I know from experience some people will just let food go to waste without touching it, but LORD forbid you eat it to avoid wasting food because they were definitely totally going to eat it, just like the last 20 things they were definitely gonna eat that they let rot instead.” ~ YogSoth0th
“This is why I ask people not to touch my food but if I notice it’s going to go bad soon and I don’t feel in the mood for it before it’s going to go bad, I offer it up as communal.”
“Like, maybe I buy three heads of broccoli because I’m really in the mood for broccoli, eat two and then go off broccoli for a while. While I’m still eating broccoli, don’t f*ck with my broccoli.”
“But once I hit a point of it not sounding good anymore, I ask my family if anyone wants it and if no one claims it by the time it starts to go bad, we put it in the compost.” ~ Aletheia-Nyx
“OPs wife made it before they went on vacation and it was out when they got back. OP is assuming it was out the whole time. I think OP ate it.” ~ ninjette847
“I think the ‘more to the story’ is in the comment from OP where he says the stew was made before he and his wife left on vacation and was sitting in a Dutch oven on the stove when they came back.”
“And there’s no response from OP when asked how he knows that it was sitting out the whole time as opposed to FIL having recently taken it out of the fridge to reheat.”
“With that info, I suspect FIL has normal food habits and this is OP’s passive aggressive response to being told not to eat FIL’s food.” ~ stinson16
“I think you’re the a**hole based on this comment, ‘FYI I have a history of eating his food, either by accident or because I was hungry, and he has made clear multiple times in the past that I should not eat his food and that it upsets him when I eat his food’.”
“At this point you know not to touch his stuff or to ask him first since he has told you it upsets him, and yet! If I was him I would assume you threw it away because you were made I didn’t let you eat it when you first asked for it.”
“Hopefully he has a safe place to go and you can afford a pet sitter. YTA.” ~ Gigi-lily
“YTA for not being able to control yourself around other people’s food.”
“He’s told you repeatedly not to eat his food and you claim that you forget or eat it because you’re hungry? You do know you being hungry doesn’t excuse you stealing someone else’s food.”
“Considering it’s your FIL, that means you’re supposedly a grown a** adult who is married. Stop acting like a toddler.” ~ Disastrous-Nail-640
“YTA. This situation doesn’t make sense. You eat his food. You throw out his food. He lives with you AND takes care of the puppy? Sounds like you are taking advantage of him.” ~ EwwDavvidd
“In my house, the soup pot goes into the fridge to hold leftovers. A pot of stew that’s visible on the counter four days after it was originally cooked is there because it was recently reheated for the current meal.”
“Maybe he’s reacting like he hates you because you threw out his lunch in the middle of lunchtime, shortly after he pulled it from the fridge.” ~ coldtrashpanda
“YTA. He set the boundaries: Stay away from his food.”
“Even a text or a holler down the hallway, ‘Hey, this stew has been sitting here. Can I throw it out?’ or a warning, ‘FIL, this has been sitting here. I’m going to throw it away if I see it there tomorrow’ would have been more respectful than throwing it away.”
“It wasn’t yours to throw out. Stop making assumptions about things that don’t belong to you. Until then YTA.” ~ MeowM30ws
“YTA ‘a history of ‘accidently’ eating his food? Ya, I don’t think so.”
“Also, I read your comment. You weren’t even around the last few days and had no way of knowing if it had actually been left out during that time.” ~ Broken-Ice-Cube
“Why are you eating his food after he told you not to? Being hungry is not an excuse, you’re a grown a** man, you could always cook for yourself or order out.”
“You sound entitled and suffocating. Your partner needs to step up for their dad.”
“You owe this man an apology, and you need to replace his food. YTA.” ~ BadbougieL
“YTA for eating his food. Multiple times. Also, did the stew have a particular name? I know there is at least one type of stew (pepper pot) that can be left out on the stove overnight (while covered), but it must be heated up every day.” ~ Stock_Particular6525
“YTA before today… It sounds like this person is dealing with food insecurity and is concerned about not having enough to survive on.” ~ HotelPuzzleheaded514
“Well, OP keeps eating his food and throwing up his food. If he didn’t have food insecurity before, he does now.” ~ BogBabe
“Taking into account what everyone has said about the last sentence, where you say you frequently eat his food and it upsets him, combined with the fact that you don’t seem to really care about him or whether he’s there or not, I’m going to say YTA.”
“Seems like a lot of info is being intentionally left out, likely because you are in fact TA and were hoping to get one over him by having the internet agree with you on this post. I’m sorry I just can’t get over how nonchalantly you’re like ‘oh yeah I just eat his food quite often and he’s told me it upsets him multiple times anyway AITA for throwing out hazardous food’.” ~ saggyalltorture
“God, you are so incredibly selfish for continuing to eat someone’s food when they asked you not to. WTF is going through your head when you do that? YTA.” ~ Th3CatOfDoom
As many noted, it seems like more is going on than the OP is willing to admit.
Sounds like his father-in-law moving out might be for the best.