A lot of songs focus on love and commitment or the lack thereof.
But before any vows are uttered, should a woman stand by her man or say bye-bye-bye at the first sign of adversity?
A woman who opted for the former while her mother and sister campaigned fof the latter led to a family confrontation. A confrontation that the man in question found highly amusing.
After being criticized for his mirth, the man turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Crafty_Score4837 asked:
"AITA for laughing when my future mother-in-law (MIL) and (SIL) got chewed out by my fiancée?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (27, male) am getting married to my fiancée (26, female) later this year. She's an incredible woman and I'm the luckiest man alive to have her in my life."
"Unfortunately, she comes attached to a very entitled and self-absorbed family. I genuinely don't know how my fiancée ended up as amazing as she is with these people around."
"The main players in this conflict are my future MIL (53, female) and SIL (24, female)."
"When my fiancée and I announced our engagement last year, SIL had a complete breakdown, throwing a full-on tantrum that she deserved to get married first and my fiancée should be forced to wait."
"I was so confused by this reaction, but my fiancée just looked bored, which confused me even more. Apparently, her sister does this a lot when she feels she deserves something more than my fiancée."
"MIL took SIL's side, saying that dating wasn't as easy for her. My fiancée always tells them off for being annoying and ridiculous, and they hate it, which is kind of funny to me."
"So here's where I need some help."
"Three weeks ago, I got into a nasty car crash, and my left leg is broken in multiple places. The doctors say I'll likely have a permanent limp even after I heal because of how bad the injury is, and I might even need a cane."
"My fiancée is an absolute angel and has been by my side every step of the way. I'm going to need a couple different surgeries and some serious physical therapy before I can properly walk again, and she's been pushing my wheelchair since I got home."
"MIL and SIL stopped by yesterday, and that's where the trouble is. SIL asked my fiancée when she would be leaving me."
"Flat out while I was in the room."
"MIL also chimed in, saying a wheelchair or cane would look horrible in wedding pictures, so it would be best for her to cancel and leave. I was horrified."
"But I didn't even get to open my mouth before my fiancée went absolutely ballistic at her mom and sister. She told them that they were delusional if they believed she was that shallow."
"She kicked them out almost immediately saying she was done and over their BS. They both looked like they sucked on extra sour lemons."
"I couldn't help laughing at their expressions. This was apparently what did it for them, and they both huffed off, still insisting they were just looking out for my fiancée."
"I laughed for a solid couple of minutes before calming down. My fiancée just looked so exhausted, so we had some cheer-up snuggles."
"I've been getting messages from SIL all day saying that me laughing at them wanting my fiancée to not have to spend the rest of her life looking after me was completely uncalled for, and I'm an a**hole."
"She makes it sound like I'm completely paralyzed and I'll need 24/7 care until I die."
"I don't think I did anything wrong, but what do you guys think? Should I have kept my laughter to myself?"
"AITA?"
The OP summed up their situation.
"Am I the a**hole for laughing when my fiancée chewed out her mom and sister?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"The only thing you've done wrong is not blocking these malignant morons' numbers. NTA."
"You could ask your fiancée how you can support her in her decision-making about her family, and maybe get her some flowers to say thank you for standing up for your relationship and generally being an awesome human." ~ thfemaleofthespecies
"Should you have kept your laughter to yourself?"
"Well, they didn't keep their stupidity, arrogance, and lack of empathy to themselves, so I guess you're even."
"NTA. Not by a long shot. Good luck with your recovery." ~ Lex-tailonis
"They are acting ridiculously, therefore they deserve to be ridiculed. I'd be laughing at them every time they tried to pull this sh*t—provided my partner was OK with it."
"It's a better response than getting angry—it shows that you're not fazed by their idiocy. NTA for laughing at self-absorbed idiots." ~ Equivalent_Mode5378
"NTA, and I think you know it. People who say you're mean or an a**hole for responding to their bad behavior are just narcissists."
"Maybe the reason why the younger sister has a hard time dating is how she treats other people. You and your fiancée may not have said the 'for better or worse, in sickness and in health' vows yet, but you're living them already."
"I'd go very low contact (LC) or no contact (NC) with her family and focus on making your own together. Not just because you don't deserve that drama, but it seems like she is upset over her family and their behavior." ~ justanother1014
"NTA. But your fiancée needs to learn that just because she's learned to cope with them, doesn't mean she HAS to keep on coping."
"The mental weight of their existence in her life isn't worth it. Hopefully, she puts hard boundaries in place or goes LC/NC if those things are beneficial to her." ~ Rohini_rambles
"To be clear, even if you'd been permanently paralyzed and needed 24/7 care, what they said would still be way out of line."
"But I'm very glad that your injury wasn't quite as bad, though it's still horrible of course. Wishing you a speedy recovery."
"And absolutely NTA. They're very cruel people and I'd be blocking their numbers in a heartbeat."
"I'd be booking my significant other a spa day for them to have a day of relaxation if I were you." ~ canyonemoon
"You know how when you're arguing with someone, and they run out of material to substantiate their points, they'll start picking apart your tone? This is that."
"I'm not saying they realized they're in the wrong for what they said, but they did realize that the current situation makes them look bad. So they fixated on an invented offense that lets them cry victim. NTA." ~ aledethanlast
"NTA. Did they totally forget that whole idea of in sickness and in health?"
"I can just see them suggesting to you that you leave your fiancée for the sister if your fiancée had gotten in the accident because she couldn't be a real wife now." ~ Forward-Wear7913
"I think it's hysterical the younger daughter was having a hissy fit that the older sister was getting married first. When 200 years ago, the Elder had to get married before the younger could come out into society."
"Too bad she didn't tell her 'well, you know I have to get married first because then you're allowed to get out into society and be married, that's how it works in aristocratic families and royalty'."
"NTA. I would have laughed my butt off too." ~
"NTA. Block. Delete. Remove from the guest list." ~ Relative-Plastic5248
The OP provided an update.
"Hey y'all. This thing got a lot more attention than I thought it would, considering how dumb the whole situation is."
"But I'm actually glad it did because I've been reading the comments with my fiancée, and we're both seeing how f*cked up her mom and sister's behavior actually is."
"She said she hadn't even thought about going no contact since she was just so used to their BS, but now we're really talking about pulling the trigger."
"MIL and SIL have also officially been uninvited from the wedding, which they did not take well, especially MIL. SIL is blocked on my phone now, but she and MIL still message my fiancée."
"It's a little hard for her to block them completely just yet, but we'll keep working on it."
"And for those of you who've asked where the father-in-law (FIL) was during all this, I don't actually know. He divorced MIL a long time ago and doesn't have contact with her or his daughters anymore."
"My fiancée says she doesn't care or miss him because he was just as bad as MIL and SIL."
"Lastly for those asking, yes, I absolutely did spoil my fiancée later after they left. I already mentioned snuggles, but we also got her favorite take out and binged this new show she's been wanting to check out."
"It was actually really good. We can't do much bedroom-wise right now, but I promise if I could, I would have."
"I'm not sure if I'll update again. Maybe if something significant happens. But until then, I have a surgery to prep for in the next two weeks."
With all due respect to the OP's future in-laws, sometimes the trash takes itself out.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.