Who is financially responsible for the health and welfare of minor children? Are their siblings under 18 ever required to support them?
If one child has money, should the parents take it for another child out of convenience and accessibility?
A teenager feeling betrayed by his family turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
PlentyBluejay273 asked:
“AITA for being the reason my grandparents refuse to help my dad anymore and laughing when he and his wife complained about it?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My mom died when I (16, male) was 7. She left me an inheritance that my dad was put in charge of.”
“The money was supposed to be for my future and nobody was supposed to touch it unless I really needed it and it was pretty specific in her will. I read through it 5 months ago when sh*t went down.”
“My dad got married again when I was 10 and he has an 8-year-old stepdaughter and now a 4-year-old daughter with his wife ‘Louise’.”
“My half sister was diagnosed with a rare condition when she was 2. It was always clear something was wrong, but they had a really hard time figuring out what it was.”
“Doctors would say she’d be fine when she was older. This condition isn’t life threatening, like she won’t die from it, but it could potentially leave her permanently disabled in a bad way.”
“A few months ago they found out about this hard to get into treatment for it. But it was expensive. There was/are ways to get help paying for it, but that takes longer.”
“They could apply for discounts and get on the lists at like charity funds/hospitals. Not that they’d be taking out loans and stuff to pay for it.”
“So my dad decided he would use my inheritance money my mom left me to pay for it instead of doing anything to get it paid for. He tried asking me, but he was going to do it anyway and when I said no he told me as much.”
“He didn’t need my permission because I’m under 18. But he asked for it knowing he would go ahead either way.”
“Then he shamed me for saying no, for putting ‘college’ before the health of my half sister. Louise was in the room with us, but she wasn’t talking before I said no.”
“She asked me how I could look at my half sister, at the life she will have if we don’t do something, and say no. I told my dad I would never forgive him if he took the money.”
“After I read her will (grandparents had a copy) I brought up the fact it was only for my needs could it be spent before I was old enough to get it. He told me mom was dead and he hoped she’d understand.”
“I told him I never would. He told me I’d understand when I’m older. I told him I hated him and I told Louise she better never speak to me again because I found it disgusting she’d encourage stealing from me and taking my mom’s money.”
“My mom had specific instructions. It mentioned if I got sick, if I got an amazing opportunity before I turned 18 and it cost money, and it mentioned it could be spent on food/necessities for me if it was needed.”
“It could not be spent on his new child or anyone else. She left instructions with it. I read it myself thanks to my grandparents.”
“I told my grandparents what dad did. They’re my mom’s parents, but had stayed friendly with dad and there were times they would help him. They shared stuff with him all the time and grandpa would look at dad’s car for free if anything was wrong.”
“That all stopped when I told them. Dad couldn’t figure out why until he confronted them about it last week. They told him he had some nerve stealing from me, taking their daughter’s money and spending it on his child.”
“My dad was mad they didn’t understand and support his decision. He confronted me about it and complained about what I did.”
“I laughed and told him I had warned him I would never forgive him for it. He asked how I got to be so heartless and selfish. I told him I would never forget what he did.”
“Dad has already taken the money. So he’s not going the longer route with getting her treatment paid for. I think he should have, but what I think doesn’t matter and he made that clear to me.”
“He never said he’d pay it back. He’s lost me. I won’t forgive him for doing it.”
“I am furious my dad stole from me. That he didn’t go the longer route instead of taking money from me. That money was left in mom’s will. With instructions on what it was for. For me, for my future.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I’m the reason my dad can’t get help from my grandparents anymore and I laughed in his face when he confronted me to complain about it. This whole mess might show I’m the a**hole because of how I’m handling it and responding to everything.”
“But then going to my grandparents when I knew what they would say/do might be a whole other low because I know this is serious stuff going on and I’m being bitter.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. That was your money, not your dad’s money. It might have been stolen from you in a good cause, but it was stolen from you, and that’s illegal.”
“Please have your grandparents find you a lawyer. Your dad is going to have to pay you back what he took from you. You don’t get to steal from your kid.”
“Talk with a lawyer. Get your money back. Your half sister has already benefitted from it, now it’s time for your dad to find a way to repay you. Every cent.” ~ Nester1953
“I second this. Your dad had zero rights to money designated for you. Please, please, please get a lawyer and sue him. He deserves no less. NTA.” ~ agelass
“I third this. Tell your grandparents to talk to some lawyers, OP. They should be able to sue your dad for that money and get it back to you. NTA.” ~ Emotional_Fan_7011
“NTA. I feel for your half sister but your dad STOLE from you to take care of HIS child. Your maternal grandparents are rightly PO’d at your dad.”
“Would it be possible for you to go live with your maternal grandparents and get away from your dad and his second family?” ~ Comfortable-Sea-2454
“NTA. I STRONGLY SUGGEST listening to this advice and going to live with them, you could ask your maternal grandparents if they would be willing to help you go to court with it so that they could get legal custody of you.”
“You’re old enough now that majority of the judges would take you seriously if you said you didn’t want to live with your dad because he stole the inheritance that your mother left for you before she unfortunately passed away, and I’m sure your grandparents would have no problem being witnesses.” ~ Dizzy_Army_936
“Given the will and the way OP’s money was STOLEN maybe his GPs can help him file a suit in small claims court once they get custody of OP. There ARE ways that OP’s dad could have gotten the money, charities, loans, 2nd mortgage, HELOCs, and the dad CHOSE to steal from his son instead.”
“I was attacked by a dog when I was 4 and ended up with over 200 stitches in my face, so my parents sued. I was awarded $10,000 that was originally invested in stocks, and grew to about $19,000 by the time I was 11.”
“That was the year my parents ended up selling the stocks and replacing our roof. I was supposed to be paid back when they sold the home. News flash: I wasn’t.”
“I really wish someone had been there to help me with holding them accountable in some way. NTA, OP.” ~ Dewhickey76
“OP, you and your grandparents need to get a lawyer ASAP! The longer you wait, the more likely it is that they will be unable to repay the sum as they sink more and more money into her treatment.”
“NTA at all. Your dad had other options with respect to financing, but instead chose to steal your inheritance.”
“Make sure you hold him accountable for your own sake and out of respect to your mom who worked hard to ensure that you would be set in the future even if she couldn’t be there with you.” ~ RogueSlytherin
The OP provided an update.
“Going to see if I can sue him over it. But he’s lost me either way. I won’t forgive him and he can forget about ever having a relationship with me. I’ve got less than two years until I’m 18 and I’m gone as soon as I can.”
“We’re not sure yet if we can legally do anything like sue. Hopefully. But me being under 18 could make it tricky.”
“My grandparents are looking into it all for me. They have their lawyers looking at if we have any options.”
As many pointed out, this father had lots of other options available to pay for his daughter’s treatment.
It was simply faster and more convenient—while requiring no sacrifices or financial responsibility—for him to steal his son’s inheritance.
While the ends justify the means in his mind, the internet disagreed.