For special occasions, people typically put a lot of thought into purchasing a gift to mark the milestone. Often times, we acknowledge that “it’s the thought that really counts.”
And usually, it is.
But what if the aforementioned “thought” that went into deciding on the perfect gift is perceived as haphazard or even odd by the recipient—or to clarify… recipients?
A person on Reddit was described as “weird” for gifting their girlfriend and sister the same perfume for their birthdays, so he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Haunting_Cheetah_438 asked:
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My girlfriend and sister have birthdays in the same month, so I went shopping for their birthday presents at the same time.”
That makes total sense.
“They both like perfumes and both have similar preferences in perfumes– sweet, edible, gourmand–and I found a perfume that captured the vibe and did it really well.”
“I knew they’d both like it, so I bought two bottles, and gifted one to each.”
That, however, was a questionable move.
“My girlfriend thinks it’s weird to give the same perfume to both your sister and your girlfriend.”
“I think that I got a gift that I knew each of them would like and enjoy, and that my thought process was that if they happened to be the same perfume, oh well.”
“AITA?”
OP has offered the following explanation for why she thinks she might be the a**hole:
“I bought my sister and my girlfriend, who have birthdays close to one another, the same perfume as a present because I know they both would like it.”
“This might make me TA because I can see why it would come off as weird.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was the a**hole, albeit not majorly and not intentionally.
“Gently, YTA.”
“Your heart may well have been in the right place, but perfume is a pretty romantic gift to give your partner — and it absolutely sucks the romance right out of it to give the same gift to your sister.”
“You’re not necessarily an a**hole, but you’re definitely “the a**hole” here.” – Spiraling_Swordfish
“YTA.”
“at best it reads like you didn’t care enough to get her a gift unique to her.”
“at worst it reads… very strange.” – redroverose
“YTA. Like, not a massive one?”
“But the fact that you keep insisting how much thought you put into it makes it worse to me.”
“Listen to your girlfriend.” – KuriGohan0204
“Very weird.”
“If I were your girlfriend, I’d be kinda pissed.”
“YTA” – ArmadilloDays
“YTA. The only way this would be worse is if you bought lingerie.” – Aggravating-Item9162
“YTA in this instance, but you seem to be an oblivious one, not a purposeful one.”
“My dad wore Brute growing up and I absolutely would not be OK with my partner wearing it.”
“He’s an Old Spice guy anyways so no worries there, I’m just being hypothetical.”
“The moment I smell Brute I immediately remember my dad… Not something you want when you’re trying to be intimate with a partner 😂 😂 😂”
“Your GF obviously feels this way about having the same scent as your sister.” – Standard-Park
“As a fragrance enthusiast, YTA.”
“Your heart was in the right place, and you clearly listened to both of their preferences so it was thoughtful.”
“But scent is a very powerful thing, especially when it comes to relating scents to memories and emotions.”
“The perfume your girlfriend wears should give you romantic sexy feelings, so to gift that same scent to your sister is uncomfortable.”
“In the future, if you find a scent that you know they’ll both like, look for ‘flankers.'”
“Lots of perfumes will have spinoff scents that are similar but different enough to be separate perfumes.”
“For example, ‘YSL Black Opium’ is a very popular perfume and they also have ‘Black Opium Illicit Green’ and ‘Black Opium Over Red’ in the line.”
“It would be way less weird to gift your girlfriend the scent you like the best/think she’d like the best, and your sister one of the flankers.” – pollyp0cketp*ssy
“yeah YTA.”
“I can see how you probably thought it convenient.”
“But a gift to your partner should be well thought out and special, not whatever is convenient for you.”
“And perfume is an intimate gift, giving your sister the EXACT SAME perfume totally took away any sort of intimacy.” – Key-Rip-7517
“YTA. You’re thinking too logical.”
“Women like to feel unique.”
“Particularly for a gift from a romantic partner.” – doblehuevo
“you blundered.”
“there are so many similar stories out there, even sitcoms with this scenario.”
“unless there are extreme circumstances, buying the same for your gf and family member x is always the AH move bro.”
“YTA” – Proper_Sense_1488
“YTA maybe weird but more importantly it’s impersonal and shows your girlfriend you were getting a generic ‘girl’ gift and that kinda sucks.” – f**kyoutoocoolsmhool
“Soft YTA cause I think your intentions were pure, but giving people the same gift does make it less special.”
“Also, specifically getting your gf and sister the same gift hints at weird incestuous tendencies.” – Fragrant-Duty-9015
“YTA”
“Its nice that you put thought into it. BUT it really comes off weird and unthoughtful if you bought the same perfume to your sister too.”
“Like it doesnt really make it special for your girlfriend, plus wouldnt you want to asociate the smell with your gf rather than your sister??”
“Like the sentence ‘I put thought into it’ doesnt really make sense since you didnt put enough thought into it to get why this is weird or wrong.”
“YTA because as much as it seemed practical to you, it comes off as lazy and unthoughtfull.”
“Please listen to the people commenting because with each response i read from you you seem to keep standing on your ‘They like this scent’ hill.” – Hermanfrodit
“Soft YTA.”
“I applaud you for buying the gifts without asking for help and knowing each girls’ preferences.”
“That is thoughtful.”
“But buying your sister the same perfume sucks any romantic gesture out of the perfume for your girlfriend.”
“She probably wants to feel appreciation and you made her feel like a 2 for 1 special.”
“Live and learn.” – 24601moamo
“YTA. ‘Oh, they’re both girls, I’ll get them the same gift because I am lazy and don’t care to find something to suit each of their personalities.'”
“Perfume is an intimate gift.”
“Now if either girl uses the gift, your sister will smell just like your girlfriend.”
“WTF were you thinking?”
“Oh, right. You weren’t.”
“You just wanted to get the gift out of the way and not have to put any thought into it.” – the-mortyest-morty
“Soft YTA – I understand that you were thinking of what each of them would like but you sucked at the effort you put into making the gifts special to each of them.”
“My MIL and I like the same perfume, my husband noted it when we were dating.”
“If he got us both that perfume as a Christmas present, it would feel like he just wanted to get it done rather than specially thinking of either of us specifically.”
“And yes, as the gf/wife it would completely lack romantic feeling.” – Jealous-Contract7426
“You know how nice it is to smell your partner’s distinct scent, like when you’re snuggling or being intimate?”
“Imagine smelling that same scent when you hug your sister at a family gathering.”
“I know it wasn’t purposeful, but YTA.”
“The point is to be purposeful in your gift giving.”
“Your partner deserves more consideration (and personalization) than a twin gift that you bought to make things easier on yourself.”
“She deserves her own gift, or at least her own scent.” – cheechassad
“YTA. Its loses all thoughtfulness and effort when you get them both the same thing.”
“You could’ve at the very least got two different scents from the same brand”
“A birthday gift should be special, not something you simply do out of obligation” – skibunny1010
“YTA. You know enough about perfume to know their preferences so you should know better than to buy them the same perfume.”
“Perfume is such a personal gift and scent triggers memory.”
“Buying them the same perfume is so impersonal and also why would you want them to smell the same?”
“Sounds like you just wanted to get the shopping out of the way.”
“Your GF wants to feel special on her birthday, not like you got a buy one get one free on perfume.”
“You should try and make it up to her.” – sunnyrainphase
“Rookie mistake. gentle YTA.”
“Even if you don’t think your GF is ‘as important’ as your sister since you’ve only been dating a while, surely you can understand that your GF wants to *feel* special and unique on her bday.”
“In general, its weird to gift your significant other the same thing as a family member for a special occasion.” – ArrrrghB
It definitely seems like OP meant well but didn’t quite execute well.
Hopefully they can take fellow Redditors’ comments into account and realize why their girlfriend felt a little underwhelmed.