As a member of Gen X—the latchkey or feral generation—we were on our own pretty much as soon as we were able to walk. We went out the door and didn’t come back until it got dark.
However, when my fellow Gen Xers brag that we survived, that’s because the ones that didn’t aren’t exactly around to decry our anything goes childhoods.
Think about it.
Our childhoods weren’t exactly safe. And there’s good reasons why seatbelts, child safety seats, and bike helmets—all things we survived without—exist now.
But how protective is overprotective?
A mother pondering that question turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Kitchen-Tomato2132 asked:
“AITA for not walking my daughter’s friend home?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My daughter, Rowan (11), recently hosted her very first sleepover. She invited her best friend, Amanda (almost 11), who lives just across the street and two houses down from us.”
“They did all the classic sleepover activities: pizza, popcorn, a movie, face masks, and nail polish. Everything was going perfectly—until around 11 p.m. when Rowan came into our bedroom to let me know Amanda was homesick and wanted to go home.”
“I went to check on Amanda, and while she assured me she was having fun, she really wanted her mom. Fair enough. I texted her mom, Susan, to let her know what was happening, and she said it was fine for Amanda to come home.”
“So Amanda packed up her things, and I walked her to the porch. From there, I watched her walk the short distance to her house and go inside safely before heading back inside myself.”
“The next day, I ran into Susan while she was out walking in the neighborhood. I asked how Amanda was doing, and… well, Susan was furious.”
“Apparently, Amanda had been upset about leaving early, but what really got Susan’s blood boiling was that I didn’t walk her to the door. She berated me for letting her child ‘walk home alone, at night, in the cold, with the potential of God-knows-what happening to her’.”
“For context, we live in a quiet cul-de-sac in a safe neighborhood. I stood on the porch the entire time and watched Amanda walk into her house before going inside.”
“Amanda didn’t seem scared or hesitant, and she never asked me to walk with her.”
“To be honest, it didn’t even occur to me that this would be an issue—when I was a kid, I would walk all over by myself. Sure, I know times have changed, but I genuinely thought this was fine.”
“Susan didn’t see it that way. She’s still furious and has been telling neighbors I put Amanda in danger.”
“Despite my apologies to both her and Amanda, she’s banned the girls from playing together. Now I’m left wondering—was I wrong not to walk Amanda to her front door?”
“AITA?”
The OP later added:
“Thank you all for the support. Here’s some additional context: That night, it was just Amanda staying over—no other friends.”
“I’m married, and my husband was home. Susan is also married, but her husband travels often and happened to be out of town that night.”
“She has another child, Matthew (5, male). She told me that if I had let her know I wasn’t planning to walk Amanda home, she would’ve woken Matthew up and come to get her herself.”
“One of the neighbors siding with Susan mentioned that I should have known how protective she is of her kids, especially since Amanda is typically a shy and fearful child.”
“I’ll admit, I did know this about Amanda, but my own kids are the total opposite, so it wasn’t even on my radar to walk her all the way home. Maybe it should have been.”
“If Amanda had asked me to walk her home, I absolutely would have.”
“I can understand (to an extent) Susan being upset if she truly felt I put her child in a ‘dangerous situation’.”
“I thought this would blow over after a couple of days, but this happened at the beginning of December.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“There’s a possibility I should have walked Amanda all the way to her front door. Amanda was already upset about going home, I should have noticed she was scared to walk home alone.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Susan is having a hard time letting her daughter become independent, and that’s probably why Amanda ‘got homesick’ and wanted to leave early in the first place. It’s a pattern of fear/retreat/rescue between mother and daughter where the overprotective parent makes the kid clingy and scared.”
“Susan’s overblown reaction to the walk home is just one more way of her telling herself and her daughter that the world is not safe for her daughter without her in it, aka making herself, the parent feel like the indispensable savior. This narrative needs a villain and you have become that villain.”
“The thing to do now, is let it blow over and hopefully she’ll relax or someone else will tell her she’s overreacting and she’ll eventually be able to hear it. It sucks most for the girls’ friendship and for Amanda in life more generally.”
“She’s going to have to assert herself at some point in that relationship. As for the neighbors’ possible judgment towards you, just be firm that you did the right, responsible thing…. and eventually, they will probably see this side of Susan for themselves, too.” ~ FrenchG-here
“If mom was that concerned…why didn’t she come get her kid? SHE put her daughter in danger by not saying, ‘I’ll be right over’. NTA.” ~ Meep42
“NTA. It probably took her 30 seconds, she was in a very familiar area, and you were there watching her. If her mom was that concerned why didn’t she come over to walk her home?” ~ First-Actuator-8273
“NTA. Trust me, the neighbors are probably all rolling their eyes about this. I wouldn’t worry about that.”
“I live in a very similar neighborhood and my son has a good friend who lives just about as far as Amanda does. It’s RIDICULOUS to expect you to walk her to her door and any rational person will see that.”
“There is a generation of kids who aren’t going to be able to function in society with parents like this.” ~ Fresh_Caramel8148
“NTA—as others have said, you literally watched her get to her house. Not only that, but you called the mom to let her know.”
“She herself could have easily walked over to grab her—that’s not your responsibility. I can’t remember a single time I had a homesick friend that didn’t have their own parent pick them up.” ~ PatientBumblebee6752
“Why didn’t the mother come pick her up? You were watching from the porch, so I think that’s enough. That’s what my mom used to do with my best friend’s mom, when we were like 6.”
“I see you said the child was upset she had to leave. I almost wonder if the mom somehow convinced her it would be scary and it made the child want to leave?”
“I also wonder if the mother is overreacting as a means to baby her child, because the mother isn’t ready for her to be growing up and becoming independent. Cutting off the children’s friendship would effectively slow the child’s independence—at least in the mother’s skewed view.”
“You did nothing wrong. If the mom was so concerned, she should have come and got her kid. NTA.” ~ Throwaway_anon-765
But not everyone agreed, with some feeling the OP was the a**hole (YTA).
“YTA—the child was in your care AND you had another parent/adult at home. Whether you knew the child was scared or not, it would have been polite and kind for you to walk the child home. Hell if it was me, both myself and child would have walked her home.”
“I was this kid—scared of everything—but always had to hide it as it annoyed people, especially adults. I used to run from my grandmother’s house to mine when I was 10 and my grandmother lived in the house next door.”
“You made assumptions based on what was convenient for you and not truly about the child. I don’t think you were malicious, but you were thoughtless.” ~ TwithHoney
“YTA. WALK THE CHILD HOME SINCE IT IS NO BIG DEAL TO YOU. I cannot believe the top comment is saying you did the right thing.”
“Treat kids the same as you’d like others to treat yours. It has nothing to do with the parents. Walk the little girl home in the dark.”
“I’m disgusted, but not surprised I suppose, that too many comments say you did the right thing here. Your husband was home, even!” ~ PinkTalkingDead
“YTA, especially since you knew how protective the mom is and it was after 11pm.” ~ Just-Focus1846
“Soft YTA. It was a short distance and you could see her, but 11 is young to not be walked at that time of night. Had it been earlier, it would have been okay, but not at that hour.” ~ Affectionate_Ruin_64
“YTA, but Susan is still too aggressive. The kids are given from hand to hand. There are too many terrifying cases that happened in situations as you described, where the child was just walking for 10 seconds.” ~ Impossible-Most-366
“YTA. Firstly this is an anxious child, she wanted to leave early even though your home is across the road from hers.”
“But also, kids do get kidnapped right outside their own homes, or hit by cars or a million other things.”
“Susan shouldn’t be getting other people involved, but I understand why she is upset. Maybe just be a little bit more thoughtful in future.” ~ Nyx-by-night
Hopefully—for the children’s sake—this is something that can be resolved by the adults. It would be a shame if these girls lose their best friend because of their parents.