It’s easy for us sometimes to play guessing games with ourselves, wondering how things would be different if we made different decisions, if we were still dating that one person, and more.
But wondering about these things are not a good enough reason to ruin relationships over, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Big-Classic-7657 was shocked when his girlfriend admitted to cheating on him, just to see if she “still had it” and could get other guys’ attention.
When he heard this, the Original Poster (OP) knew there was no coming back to the relationship, no matter how much his ex-girlfriend apologized.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to take my girlfriend back after she cheated ‘just to see if she still had it’?”
The OP thought his relationship with his girlfriend was going amazingly.
“I (30 Male) have been dating my girlfriend, Rachel (27 Female), for two years. She’s always been confident and charismatic, which is one of the things I loved about her.”
“Our relationship seemed solid; we had good communication, lots of shared interests, and we were even talking about moving in together.”
But then Rachel went and ruined everything.
“A few weeks ago, Rachel admitted to me that she cheated on me during a night out with her friends.”
“She hooked up with some guy she met at a bar.”
“I was completely blindsided. When I asked her why she did it, she said it wasn’t about me or our relationship but because she ‘wanted to see if she still had it.'”
“I told her that was a terrible excuse, and she started crying, saying it was a stupid mistake and that she regretted it immediately.”
“She’s begged me to forgive her, saying she learned her lesson and that it would never happen again.”
The OP couldn’t look past Rachel’s mistake.
“But I can’t get over the fact that she was willing to risk our relationship for something so shallow. She didn’t cheat because she was unhappy or because there was a problem between us; she cheated purely to stroke her ego.”
“Now, Rachel and some of our mutual friends are calling me unforgiving, saying that, ‘Everyone makes mistakes,’ and that I’m throwing away a great relationship over one bad choice. They say I should focus on her remorse and give her another chance.”
“I feel like staying with her would mean betraying my own boundaries, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m being too harsh.”
“AITAH for refusing to take her back?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some cringed, knowing the ex-girlfriend was worried about “having” the wrong things.
“NTA. I’d be like, ‘Congrats, you still have it, but you sure as h**l don’t have me.'”
“The mutual friends are just as trashy as her. You’d be crazy to take her back.” – Wizard_of_Claus
“She still ‘had it’ because she had you. That should’ve been enough validation.”
“All of this is in past tense because I hope you use it when you break up with that cheater. NTA.” – Humble_Nobody2884
“NTA. ‘It just happened’ really is a terrible excuse. Take it from me, a woman in a relationship. I know I still ‘have it,’ because men will hit on me and ask me out. And then I say, ‘No, thank you, I have a boyfriend.'”
“I don’t have to do anything at all to know if I still ‘have it,’ and I don’t even want that kind of attention!”
“I also know I still ‘have it’ because I have a loving partner who dotes on me. But I guess that doesn’t count in the mind of your ex?” – TheDaveStrider
“What the f**k even WAS that logic?! I have no idea whether I still ‘have it’ or not after 12 years. But that doesn’t matter to me, because I don’t NEED it now.”
“Maybe we break up later down the line, but that’s not now, and having it now doesn’t guarantee having the future anyway, so why bother trying? This is dumb to even write out in words, haha.” – decadecency
“I recently discovered that I apparently do still have it (I moved departments as someone I was friendly with expressed interest), knowing that, not suspecting but knowing did not make me cheat. What the f**k is wrong with people?” – Tommothomas145
“The REAL ‘having it’ is having a loving, respectful, affectionate, and attentive partner. But she wouldn’t know s**t about that, would she?” – labellavita1985
Others reassured the OP that he did the right thing by ending the relationship.
“Good thing you found out before spending more energy on a bad relationship. How long before she needs her ego stroked again? Send the trash to the curb.” – dontaskband
“These are not mutual friends. They chose and they are her friends.”
“You are worth more than spending your time with such a shallow and unpredictable person. What if she changes her mind in ten years and does something similar? Then you would be far more invested in her with a huge mess to disentangle (potentially kids and a co-owned house).”
“You are very lucky she revealed her true self to you now.” – simulacrum79
“NTA, and please don’t take her back. That was not a mistake that was a selfish pathetic excuse to feel attractive. And honestly, if she did it just because, imagine what she’ll try if she ever gets a mom body or a tiny wrinkle on her face.” – No_Conclusion_128
“Tell her that you’re going out to see if you still have it. Ask her if the guy was worth losing you over, and maybe she should call him to come and comfort her.” – rocketmn69_
“I had to reread the ages because someone at 27 years old is still young and it’s not like she was with OP for twenty years… just two years.”
“Stay with her and she’ll probably have to ‘remind herself’ to see if she’s still got it every few years, but will probably keep it quiet the next time(s). That’s the thing about egos; they need to be constantly fed.”
“And a mistake is not actively allowing someone to have sex with you. That’s an active choice. Saying otherwise is a manipulation tactic and a refusal to be accountable. Also, she has her flying monkeys to do her begging and pleading when it was them who probably fed her the idea and cheered her on.”
“If there’s anything relatively positive out of this situation, it’s that she revealed who she is early in the relationship, so OP can cut his losses more easily without wasting more time.” – jasperjamboree
A few pointed out that this, also, wasn’t just “one big mistake.”
“It wasn’t a mistake, OP. It was a series of decisions.”
“She chose to go out. She chose to pay some guy attention. She chose to hang out with him. She chose to leave with him.”
“She chose to take her clothes off. She chose to have sex with him.”
“She and her friends (keyword: HER) are minimizing what went down. She made her choices; now it’s your turn… and it sounds like you’ve made the right one.” – 0HforFoxSake
“This isn’t ‘one mistake.’ She didn’t walk into a bar and the movie cuts to penetration. She had plenty of opportunities from making initial eye contact with the dude to take a step back and think, ‘Hang on, this isn’t right.'”
“But she didn’t. She made a series of conscious decisions, which led to her hooking up. Plus, you know what. Everyone does make mistakes, OP’s friends are right, but that doesn’t mean there are no consequences.” – gazhole
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update in another post.
“First of all, thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. Reading your perspectives really helped me sort through my feelings during an incredibly tough time.”
“After I posted, Rachel intensified her efforts to reconcile. She sent me long texts about how she regretted everything and how I was ‘the love of her life.'”
“When I didn’t respond, she showed up at my apartment, crying and begging for another chance.”
“I told her I still needed space and wasn’t ready to talk, but before leaving, she accused me of being ‘cold’ and said I was throwing away something special.”
But then the OP learned more information about what happened.
“A few days later, I got some new information that completely shifted things. It turns out the guy Rachel cheated with wasn’t just some random hookup from a bar; he was an ex-boyfriend.”
“She had been messaging him for weeks leading up to that night. Their conversations were flirty, suggestive, and way more than I’d consider appropriate. I found this out through someone who showed me screenshots Rachel had clearly tried to keep hidden.”
“When I confronted Rachel with this, she initially denied it, but when I mentioned the messages, she broke down and admitted everything.”
“She claimed she’d been feeling insecure, and reconnecting with him made her feel desirable again. She insisted it didn’t mean anything and that I was still ‘the one’ for her, but it felt like yet another betrayal.”
“At that point, I told her I was done. There’s no coming back from this for me. She cheated, lied, and broke my trust on multiple levels. I ended things for good, and since then, I’ve cut off all contact with her.”
“It’s been a rough week, but I feel at peace with my decision. As much as I cared about Rachel, I know I deserve someone who values honesty and loyalty as much as I do.”
“Thank you again to everyone who helped me see things clearly. I’m finally moving forward.”
The subReddit couldn’t stop shaking its collective head over the decisions that the OP’s ex-girlfriend had made. If she was feeling so insecure, perhaps she could find comfort in her ex-boyfriend, or perhaps she went back to the OP in the first place because she couldn’t reignite the magic with her ex. Whoops!