Many people have fetishes they’re embarrassed to talk about as they tend to result in kink-shaming.
A guy who has a very specific turn-on tried to be there for his girlfriend, who is cognizant of his private kink, when she was experiencing a vulnerable time.
However, when his plan to console her took a very dramatic turn, he made a decision that left him wracked with guilt and visiting the “Am I the A** Hole?” (AITAH) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, the anonymous Redditor Clear_Magician469 asked:
“AITAH for breaking up with my girlfriend for getting drunk and telling our friends about my fetish?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Using a throwaway for obvious reasons. Me (29 M[ale]) and my girlfriend (35 F[female]) had been together for about 8 months. We have certainly had our ups and downs, but for the most part, it was a good relationship. Most of the downs are when she has struggled with her mental health.”
“She was in contention for a major promotion at work. She was very worked up about it. Until she told me, someone slipped to her that she was going to get it. She was so excited. I’ve never seen her so happy. It was great.”
The OP continued:
“We agreed to meet our friends at our favorite bar after work the day she was expecting to be officially offered her promotion. When I met her outside the bar, I could instantly tell something was wrong.”
“She said she didn’t get the promotion. Someone else did, a woman that she despises. It was really disappointing. I offered for us to just go home, but she insisted we hang out with our friends. ‘She wanted to get drunk.’ ”
“And she did. She was barely even talking at first, just drinking. It was obvious to our friends something was wrong. Me and I started arguing at some point. It started over the wings me and her got.”
“She was complaining she didn’t like them, and how I didn’t care what she wanted, and didn’t listen to her, and all that. Eventually, it struck a nerve, and I told her she was drunk, acting like an @ss, and she needed to go home.”
Things escalated from there.
“She got so pissed she told all 5 of our friends about my fetish. I don’t want to say exactly what she said, but I have a fart fetish, and she mocked me about it in front of everyone. Yeah whatever, I like being farted on. It’s embarrassing.”
“I’m only mentioning this so people can understand how embarrassed I was. But it is what it is. I’m obviously insecure about it. And now all our friends know. How am I supposed to hangout with any of them again?”
“The next morning I broke up with her. She cried, begged, and said she didn’t remember anything from last night. It was hard, but I held my ground.”
“Now I don’t know. Maybe I overreacted. AITAH for breaking up with her after she was having a really bad day? A night she can’t even remember, apparently.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“You’ll find a gassy queen who respects you one day.” – SpiritualMacaron186
“I matched with a guy that was into gassy girls, and I have a bowel disease, so I was right up his alley! Now I don’t want to yuck anyone’s yum, so I gave him a chance… at first.”
“But I eventually realized he was never really interested in me, just my flatulence. I have so much more to offer! I refuse to be someone’s personal whoopee cushion. I ended it before he could get a whiff of my brand.”
“I’m not even joking. Dating in your 30s is so f’king hard.” – btwomfgstfu
“NTA. This wasn’t an unintentional slip of the tongue. She was angry and hurt, so she wanted to make you hurt, she did this on purpose.” – InfiniteWelder513
“NTA you basically saw how she would handle any rough patches in her life and also basically throw out your secrets without batting an eye. It’s not like she’s young either, that’s no way to treat your partner.” – Canary_Cry7911
“NTA. fetish is your private thing, and her telling it to other people is really not good. she is hurt about her promotion, and now she wants you to feel it, too. it’s not nice to forget about respect when you are mad” – BrightNaya
“Nta.”
“Im sorry she exposed you like this. And for me, that would also be grounds for a breakup. If you can’t control yourself while drunk. Dont drink. It is that easy.” – little_light223
“NTA.”
“It doesn’t matter what your fetish is (so long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual). She had NO right to disclose it to anyone!”
“I’m sure you could have let a few skeletons out of her closet, too, had you decided to.”
“I’m glad you didn’t because then you’d be the opposite of NTA.”
“Instead of looking at it as she told your friends about a fetish, call it what it is: a violation of trust.”
“Without trust, you can’t have a relationship. Or at least I can’t!”
“If any of your mates bring it up, and it causes you embarrassment, just laugh it off. ‘Yeah, she was so drunk she kept telling me you like farts or something.’ And then move on.”
“Sorry she broke your trust, OP, take care!” – Pascalle112
“NTA. She did this to hurt you. She picked a fight on purpose to take her anger and hurt out on someone else, specifically you. That’s not a good person or partner.”
“Op, you haven’t even been with this woman a full year, and she’s pulling these stunts. Stay away from her. You deserve better.” – Suitable_Raccoon_623
“NTA, it’s a trust violation, and if she handles every major disappointment in her life by getting so drunk she can’t remember anything the next day, how can you ever trust she won’t say something private or embarrassing next time she hits the bottle?”
“Not to mention, this is not going to help her poor mental health, which in turn will ensure your relationship stays at least somewhat contentious… I’d have cut my losses too.” – Nik-ki
“NTA. She’s a selfish, toxic woman who will betray you the instant things get tough. You did not overreact. You dodged a bullet. 💨😌 “ – AnotherDominion
“NTA – you say she cried and begged, but at no point do you mention that she offered an apology. She was angling for a fight, drunk or not, she wanted a fight and was willing to say anything to provoke you. If she can’t handle alcohol, then she shouldn’t drink it. Ignorance to what she’s said doesn’t excuse it. “ – overripenedavocado
“NTA, you did the right thing for YOU. I wouldn’t want you to excuse disrespect because she’s drunk. She crossed a line. Also, do you want to babysit someone that can’t control their alcohol? There will be more times when she doesn’t get her way. Do you want her to blurt out another one of your secrets when that time comes? “ – Squirrel4Lunch
“NTA.”
“People are into many things, and it’s important that whoever you’re in a relationship with won’t share the things you entrust to only them. Breaking that trust is grounds for a split.”
“If you felt it was right then it was the right move.”
“If it makes you feel better I like feet lmao, so don’t be too embarrassed about your likes and fetishes, there’s some really weird sh*t some people like. I mean, who knows what your friends at the table do behind closed doors?” – thors_dad
“So we are laughing with you, not at you. OP I am so sorry that you were humiliated. I don’t shame people for their kinks. I won’t say anything to anyone unless I think they are going to cause real harm to themselves or their partner. 👍”
“If you don’t trust her with your sexual self, it is perfectly within your rights to end it. NTA. I think your friends will or should forget this and move on. Good luck my man.” – thequiethunter
“My ex did this to me in front of her entire family at a weekend camping trip. Immediate family, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents…over 20 people sitting around a bonfire. It wasn’t a fart fetish, but the fact that she disclosed something so private and personal was jaw-dropping. We were married 7 years at that point, separated and divorced less than 2 years later.”
“NTA if your SO doesn’t respect your privacy, they don’t deserve your love.” – Convenient-Insanity
“NTA.”
“That’s just not okay. It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t remember – she sounds like she WAS being a drunk @ss, and saying something that personal to embarrass you on purpose is a huge breach of trust.”
“People have hard days, that’s understandable. It makes sense that she was upset and probably grumpy. But there is a difference between that and taking your anger out on someone else (which I feel is never acceptable, personally). She took it way too far.”
“I don’t think you’re overreacting – that was your boundary (pretty freakin’ reasonable), and she blew right past it. If that’s something you feel you can’t get past, then that’s it.” – starksdawson
Overall, Redditors didn’t blame the OP for breaking with the inebriated town crier, as she majorly violated his trust.
It wasn’t fair that their friends caught wind of a closely guarded secret just because she was miserable and wanted to bring the OP down with her.