It feels like everyone suffers under the weight of beauty standards.
According to many news reports, self-esteem is at an all-time low.
This has led many to try all sorts of off-the-wall ideas.
Not everyone agrees with people’s choices of beautification.
And that can lead to some pretty dramatic conversations.
Case in point…
Redditor Electrical-Bar5599 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA For telling my friend all that matters is she’s happy when she asked if I liked her plastic surgery?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I 34 F[emale], have a childhood best friend Cordelia 32 F.”
“Cordelia was always one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen, but she’s always had severe self-esteem issues.”
“Recently with the buccal fat removal trend, she’s been enamored by it.”
“She swore up and down she was gonna save up for it because she doesn’t like her ’round face’ (it wasn’t round or big at all).”
“She finally saved up the money and flew to LA to get the surgery, and this week she was healed enough to see some results.”
“Personally, I think the people who get that procedure look bad, but my opinion does not matter because if that is what makes them happy that is literally all that matters.”
“Beauty is subjective and as long as you love yourself, no one else’s opinions are relevant.”
“Cordelia and I had brunch today and she asked me what I thought of her results.”
“I told her the Doctor did a good job at the surgery and I’m glad to see her happy.”
“She continued on and we were chatting, but then she brought it up again asking me how I thought she looked.”
“I once again told her that the surgery was very well done and that it looked exactly the way she wanted.”
“Cordelia got upset and asked me why I wasn’t ‘giving her a straight answer’ and asked me if I thought it made her prettier.”
“I told her that she’s always been a beautiful woman and that the glow she has from the confidence it’s given her is a good look.”
“She told me to tell her if I thought she was pretty or not and I said ‘Your opinion is the only one that matters. It’s your face, and I’m happy you achieved your goal.'”
“‘I personally don’t like the look of it on anyone, but it’s none of my business because it’s not my face, you were beautiful before doing it.'”
“Cordelia threw a fit, poured her mimosa on me, and told me I was a ‘jealous and petty bi**h.'”
“I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings.”
“I don’t know why she wanted my opinion so badly or why she couldn’t accept my answer, but I definitely feel like TA.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Some people have such low self-esteem that it’s rooted in thoughts they started developing in toddlerhood, living with a general sense of inadequacy and subsequent fear of rejection.”
“Girls have a higher likelihood of this manifesting in weight and beauty insecurities, not realizing that fixing the weight and beauty will still leave them empty because their issue is an unhealthy relationship with themself.”
“And they’re just putting bandaids on a broken limb with this beauty surgery stuff.”
“And it can be wildly confusing to people who have never been in that headspace.”
“It’s like trying to rationalize an inherently irrational belief/attitude that runs deeeeep deep deep, like the kind that could result in a whole personality disorder.”
“Anyway, massive NTA… you just have the misfortune of being friends with someone who’s all sorts of messed up inside, I wish you both the best.” ~ LaFrescaTrumpeta
“That sounds like she treated you more as a therapist than a friend.”
“You may have just become someone who helped soothe her insecurities when she should have been the one confronting them.”
“NTA. I’m sorry she reacted this way.”
“It’s a shame she saved all of this money to get this procedure and STILL sought the approval of others about her appearance.”
“Doesn’t sound like she’ll ever truly be happy with her appearance until she looks for help herself.” ~ MelloJelloShello
“I mean, sounds less like using OP as a therapist and more like just not knowing what therapy is.”
“Try asking a therapist for a compliment. You’ll spend the next hour fielding questions about why you need compliments.”
“She wouldn’t have had enough mimosas in the world to take out her frustrations.” ~ KikiBrann
“NTA. She is incredibly insecure, and no amount of surgery or reassurance on your part will change that.”
“I honestly feel very sorry for her.”
“The way she kept pushing for your approval you’d almost get the idea she was into you or something.”
“She needs therapy more than anything, and if I were you, I wouldn’t be afraid to let her know.”
“There’s a deeper reasoning as to why she can’t be okay with herself, and it’s beyond anything you can do.” ~ Free_Statistician_13
OP responded…
“I’ve never understood why she was insecure, but then again I think everyone is unhappy with themselves.”
“I have tried in the past to talk her into therapy, but she would always say she’d be wasting money for a woman in cheap pantyhose to tell her the same things I do.”
Reddit continued…
“Wow! Can’t believe Cordelia said that aloud but I’m glad she did.”
“The time to end this friendship was yesterday.”
“Real friends don’t use friends as therapists, period.”
“Especially not consciously and purposefully.”
“Cordelia sounds incredibly self-centered, unempathetic, and emotionally immature.”
“She is clearly using you as a tool to fill her own non-existent self-esteem.”
“You’re enabling her and self-betraying your own needs.”
“You deserve reciprocal friendships and friends who don’t assault you with beverages every time you tell them the truth. NTA.” ~ RealMrsFelicityFox
“Wow. She really was only going to accept one answer, and you would have had to lie.”
“I can’t understand why she lashed out at you, but obviously, she has a big issue that’s hurting her.”
“You sound like a very good and supportive friend.”
“I am guessing her rage came from a place of fear and isn’t personal against you.”
“I think she owes you an apology, but more she needs help.”
“You are NTA.”
“I hope you can get her to try therapy (although not your job).”
“I felt like she does about therapy.”
“I wasn’t going to pay money for some fussy middle-aged lady (projecting: my mother) could ‘fix’ me.”
“Once I started going I realized I had no idea what I was talking about.”
“It has helped me so much!”
“Especially with body image issues and self-esteem.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA, but she wanted the white lie; that was all that mattered to her; she didn’t want your honesty.”
“If you aren’t prepared to do that, then you are not compatible as friends, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Some friends will BS each other and it’s a mutually agreed social contract, they know it’s BS but it makes them feel better.”
“Other friends appreciate honesty more and don’t get upset.”
“Everyone is different.” ~ humanofoz
“Totally NTA. Her reaction has everything to do with who she is and what she thinks of herself and nothing to do with what OP had to say.”
“Honesty was your best play in the situation, and now you know who your friend truly is.” ~ Prize_Vegetable4185
“NTA. She pressed repeatedly for an answer and was so distraught by your honesty that she poured a drink on you.”
“How childish is that?”
“Of course, you could have told a white lie, that’s probably all she wanted, but at the end of the day she put you in a tough spot, and it wasn’t like you said ‘You look ugly, yuck.'”
“Several times you made it clear that she looked beautiful even before the procedure, that the doctor did a good job, that her glow of confidence now made her look really good, etc.”
“I’d question my friendship with her if I were you.”
“No one should be expected to at all times lift someone else up or constantly tell white lies to ensure their confidence is on top.”
“She sounds insecure enough that it might actually be a good and healthy idea for her to seek some help with that.” ~ AltruisticCableCar
OP returned…
“I feel stupid for not just lying on the spot, but I felt so put on the spot, and because I’ve known her so long I knew that if things were worded in a way she didn’t understand what I meant, she would spiral.”
“So it was such a high-pressure situation for me.”
“She’s never really said anything cruel to me, and always said she loved having a friend who made her feel and look good.”
Reddit responded…
“NTA…TA is definitely her. Geez.”
“Don’t be friends with such an insecure, vain, and – more importantly, horribly rude and volatile person, my God.”
“Pouring drinks on someone can be counted as assault.”
“You really need to form healthier and better friendships to realize this girl is definitely not a best friend nor even a friend.” ~ ladylemondrop209
“NTA… she was pushing you into a corner.”
“Tell her to give you a script next time so you can be sure to say the right thing.” ~ RoyallyOakie
“The way she kept asking you what you thought of her surgery almost makes me think she herself wasn’t happy about it. NTA.” ~ PrimPygmyPuff
“NTA. She wanted your opinion that bad due to her self-esteem problems.”
“The thing is that you don’t have to ask if you don’t want to hear the answer.” ~ Chuches-
Well, OP, you were being honest about your opinion.
You still did everything you could to bolster her ego.
Nobody gets to dump mimosa on another person.
She owes you a BIG apology.