Comfortable clothes can make all the difference when you're trying to sleep.
But if you share your bed with a significant other, should you ditch comfort in favor of dressing to please your partner?
A man is struggling with that question, so he turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Temporary-Warning356 asked:
"AITA for refusing to get rid of my shorts that my wife doesn't like?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Hopefully, you guys are going to agree with me on this."
"I have some black elasticated shorts I've owned since I was 13. My Mom originally purchased these shorts as part of my sports kit for school."
"They're 13 years old now, but they're still comfortable, and I wear these to bed every day (these shorts get washed every three days). They're in good condition."
"My wife HATES these shorts because she thinks they're ugly. She's spent the last four years begging me to get rid of them, I've refused to bin them, and she's refused to give up begging."
"We argued tonight and she's kicked me out of the bedroom and she's made me sleep on the couch. She's calling me an asshole as I won't get rid of them."
"I don't see why I should as they're in great condition and THEY'RE COMFORTABLE."
"AITA?"
The OP summed up their conundrum.
"I've had a pair of shorts which I've kept for 13 years and refuse to get rid of them."
"Why I may be the a-hole is because my wife has spent the last four years begging and I refuse to bin them."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were divided in their judgment, with some thinking no one is the a**hole (NAH)...
"13-year-old athletic shorts from when you were 13 that you wear nightly, that are washed three times a week, are in good condition, fit, aren't stained, and don't smell? Sure, Jan."
"I doubt this is about her thinking they're ugly as in she doesn't like the style or color. I'm guessing that they're probably worn down, droopy due to lost elasticity, funky, look silly because you've outgrown them, and/or she's creeped out by how you obsessively wear them EVERY night, or all of the above."
"You're allowed to wear what you want, but being so obsessed with wearing these nightly that you'd rather sleep on the couch is strange behavior. NAH." ~ GhostParty21
"I'm gonna say NAH. My husband has a pair of sweats that is from high school, and we are 35.. they're comfortable for him, but when he wears them, I'm beyond turned off."
"They make him look like he's wearing a diaper. Have I asked him to throw them away? Yes. Has he? No. Will I continue to tell him they're ugly and I hate them? Yes."
"Your wife is allowed to tell you her opinion on the pants, kicking you out of the bed is a bit much but I'd like to hear her side of the story before calling her an AH."
"You're also allowed to wear what you want but you have to ask yourself if the shorts are worth the aggravation they cause." ~ suspicious-pepper-31
...others thinking the OP isn't, but the wife is the a**hole (NTA)...
"What a strange hill to die on. NTA. My boyfriend and I both have shorts we don't like, ironically because we both think the others' shorts are too short."
"But we've never kicked each other out or gotten into major arguments over this. I mean what a weird reaction."
"NTA. Your shorts and they're a gift. She needs to relax." ~ PubCrawlerMenace
"NTA—this is not a reason to banish you from your own bed. Also, why do you allow someone to banish you from your own bed?"
"On the other hand, 13 years is a long time. Can't you just buy new ones that are similar and throw out the old pair?"
"Surely you can agree you've gotten more out of those shorts than reasonably expected over 13 years." ~ squirrelsmakepopcorn
"I mean, NTA, you can wear what you want without having to listen to your wife. However, might she be saying 'I find these gross and unappealing and I therefore do not get in the mood when you wear them, so much so that I'm sleeping elsewhere tonight' (yes, that's over the top, but still...)."
"You have to ask yourself, what's the end goal here?"
"Wear the shorts to bed for another 13 years knowingly annoying and grossing out your wife, or just tell her you really don't like her controlling what you wear, but since it appears to be such a big deal to her, you won't wear them to bed anymore." ~ Canadian_01
...while some felt the opposite about the OP and his wife (YTA)...
"OP. What the f*ck. Your shorts are where your wife's libido goes to die. And you STILL wear them EVERY. NIGHT."
"Seriously, what is wrong with you? Are you just so incredibly bloody-minded that you would rather wear your awful shorts and bask in your own self-righteousness than accommodate a reasonable request from your wife?"
"Why are you even married?"
"I don't know if anyone has told you, but they still make shorts. Thousands of pairs! Every day!"
"Shorts that are both extremely comfortable, and won't make your wife's sex drive dry up like a salted slug! And they can be had in exchange for currency!! WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE."
"YTA for thinking proving a point is more important than a happy home. Marriage always includes compromise. If you keep wearing this ... thing, you will lose more than you win."
"Oh, and grow up." ~ 30Helenssayfuckoff
"Let me just break this down... Your wife hates them; you love them."
"They are a pair of shorts; She is a person. (Presumably your favourite person, since you married her.) You would rather sleep with the shorts than your wife."
"Why is a pair of shorts so important to you? Your wife asked you to not wear something she finds gross. That's a perfectly reasonable request?"
"YTA. Grow up. It's an item of clothing. Your wife should be more important to you than a pair of shorts. Sure you have the right to wear whatever you want. And she has the right to refuse to ever sleep in the same bed as you ever again."
"You also have the right to make a change to please your woman. Choose that right instead."
"If it bothers her so much that she is willing to argue about it why the hell are you wearing them? Just to upset her? Just because you CAN? Despite her obvious discomfort."
"Just get her to pick something new and comfortable for you. Both be happy. Life would be much better for both of you. Why is that so hard to see?" ~ Difficult-Band-4879
"I'm leaning toward YTA. Honestly, mate, is this a hill worth dying on? Is a pair of shorts worth getting kicked out of bed and made to sleep on the couch?"
"Is it worth having had this argument for FOUR YEARS? If you don't want to get rid of them, at least retire them from being worn and keep them for sentimental reasons."
"Unless there's some specific sentimental reason you've not shared, I can't imagine wearing clothes I owned as a teenager. Mind you, I can't imagine clothes I owned as a teenager actually fitting me, or having lasted 13 years and still being wearable."
"Fair play to your wife for not having 'accidentally' thrown them out or damaged them until they're unusable. I reckon I probably would have if it was a topic I'd been arguing with my spouse over for four bloody years." ~ Goldman250
...and some deciding everyone sucked (ESH).
"ESH. This argument is not about shorts. You know how I can tell?"
"Because nobody is married for four years and then stops sleeping in the same bed together because of shorts. You've both turned this into a straw man."
"If neither of you are capable of identifying what is going wrong with your relationship and still insist that this is a fight over your shorts, you need to hire a therapist to teach you how to communicate with each other and yourselves, or else your marriage is going to collapse and you're both going to be telling people that you couldn't keep a marriage together because of a pair of pajamas." ~ downvot2blivion
"If the shorts are really in good shape, which I doubt, then wear them during the day! Go out! Wear them at the gym!"
"Then go home, shower, and put on something cozy and newer on before you go to bed with your wife. If the shorts are not nice enough for a workout they are probably not as great as you say they are."
"ESH. And I agree with someone who said this is a stupid, really stupid hill to die on, for both of you." ~ Low_Ad2717
"ESH. You both sound stubborn AF."
"I think kicking you out of the bedroom was a bit over the top, but at the same time, is insisting on wearing these shorts to bed really worth it? Can you not find equally comfortable shorts in a style your wife may find less offensive?"
"As it stands, you're both acting like these shorts are a hill you're both willing to let your marriage die on and that's kind of sad, isn't it?" ~ Stranger0nReddit
However the justifications for each opposing view were very similar. Almost all Redditors felt it was a ridiculous thing for the couple to be so stubborn about.
The only difference appeared to be who Redditors thought should compromise or back down.
The OP provided no updates, so it seems the war of the shorts rages on.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.