Being sick is terrible.
You feel isolated, weak, and miserable.
Of course, misery loves company so we want to feel like we’re still connected to the people we love.
What happens though when someone goes to extreme lengths to keep you close during an illness?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) throwra32343456 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for losing it on my husband for lying about an emergency to get me to leave my brother’s wedding early?”
OP explained the situation at hand.
“My husband has been sick for a few days.”
“He got sick around the time of my brother’s wedding.”
“I took care of him 24hrs for days.”
“He’s on meds and can move and go to the bathroom and eat on his own.”
“I told him I was going to my brother’s wedding and he threw a fit saying I couldn’t leave him alone while he’s sick.”
“I told him he was not that sick, it’s just some stomach ache that he’s getting treatment for, and suggested he call his sister to come and stay with him.”
“He said no and told me to miss it.”
“I got upset and bluntly said no and that he could survive for a few hours while I attend the wedding.”
“He sulked and as I was leaving, he said he hoped I won’t ever come back.”
“It hurt my feelings but I know he was just mad and didn’t mean it.”
They then explained what the issue was.
“At the wedding, I got a text from him saying he lost balance and fell off the stairs and hurt his back.”
“He said he was in a lot of pain he threw up and couldn’t move, and insisted I get home asap.”
“I freaked out and started calling his phone but he didn’t answer.”
“I thought ‘he must’ve passed out’ and I freaked out even more. I got in my car and drove back to our house immediately.”
“When I got home, I rushed towards the stairs while calling out his name but he wasn’t there.”
“I started to really freak out.”
“I rushed into the bedroom and found him in bed drinking juice and soon as he saw me he put the phone down.”
“I instantly knew he lied so I lost it on him and started yelling saying he freaked me out and caused me to miss my brother’s wedding for nothing…absolutely nothing.”
“He said that he already told me I couldn’t leave him alone in the house and that this ‘very scenario’ could’ve happened if I stayed there any longer.”
“I yelled at him calling him horrible which made him cry.”
“He started crying and throwing his juice all over the place.”
“I had to step out and call his sister thinking she’d come help but she came and started cussing me out saying I had a lot of nerve expecting her to back me up after I so carelessly left her brother alone at the house in that state just to attend a party.”
“We got into an argument and I went to stay with my family.”
“My brother understood when I explained the situation to him.”
“My husband and I haven’t seen each other since then but his sister kept saying I had no right to scream at her brother and cause him a panic attack and said that he at least was clear with me from the start but I chose to be dismissive.”
OP was left to wonder,
“Was what I did dismissive?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some people gave bullet point descriptions of why OP was in the clear.
“NTA, but if this event were to have happened and he had fallen like he claimed.”
“Call the paramedics.”
“Right away.”
“It’s expensive, but if he had fallen like he said he did and with what he described and you tried to move him, you could potentially paralyze someone. Also not knowing the condition of the other party and driving over is risky.”
“In this situation, I’m really glad you didn’t call the paramedics because;”
“Bill”
“He lied and would have wasted a resource”
“There are sometimes fines as a result of this”
“This is some serious p*ssbaby attitude on his part. I’m sorry you missed your brother’s marriage OP.” ~ Potential_Minimum281
“NTA”
“🚩- for saying you can’t go to the wedding”
“🚩- for saying he hopes you don’t come back after going to the wedding”
“🚩- for lying, causing you stress, and forcing you to leave the wedding”
“🚩- for him to carry on and throwing juice like he’s a toddler who can’t use his words”
“🚩- for poisoning the well by obviously sh*t talking you to his sister”
“OP, GTFO. You’re better than this madness.” ~ effie-sue
OP did return to give a little more clarity on the ages involved.
“I’m 26 years old// he’s 23 years old.”
Others took the situation step by step.
“Let’s break this down…”
“‘I took care of him 24hrs for days. He’s on meds and can more and go to the bathroom and eat on his own.'”
“So he’s not a bed-bound invalid. He’s able to move around.”
“‘he threw a fit saying I couldn’t leave him alone while he’s sick… he’s getting treatment and suggested he call his sister to come to stay with him.”‘
“You came up with a reasonable alternative that he shot down.”
“‘I got a text from him saying he lost balance and fell off the stairs and hurt his back… in a lot of pain, he threw up and couldn’t move.”‘
“This was designed to get you to panic and rush home, which you did.”
“You should have called the ambulance since he said he fell, hurt his back, threw up, and could not move.”
“But, again, like a lot of scammers these days, this was designed to make you panic and not think.”
“So, to wrap it all up, your husband threw a tantrum, lied to you, and (along with his sister) DARVO’d you.”
“NTA, but consider that, if this is the first time he’s been manipulative like this, it won’t be the last bc you already showed that his manipulations work.”
“If this is not the first time he’s manipulated and DARVO’d you, ask yourself why you’re staying with someone who, in this example, was willing to gamble that you would not call his bluff (bc, uh, calling an ambulance for an ‘I’ve fallen and can’t get up’ scenario is typical, usual, and the thing to do).” ~ RndmIntrntStranger
“100% this.”
“I do not know any children over the age of 4 who would pull this crap.”
“Your husband is a lying liar that lies…”
“He wanted what he wanted and was willing to do whatever it took to get what he wanted, which was you by his side preening over his mildly ill person instead of spending the day celebrating the wedding of your brother with your family.”
“That is NOT normal.”
“Any normal person would want their spouse to go celebrate their sibling and be bummed they couldn’t go, too.”
“Seriously sis, Please, just leave.”
“Pack bags, call your family to help you move out, and file for divorce.”
“THIS is divorce worthy because of the true malice behind it.”
“The manipulation and control behind it and I’m certain if you look at the relationship holistically you will see countless other times he’s pulled this crap – the optics looked different but he behaved manipulatively and in a controlling way to get what he wanted no matter the cost to you.” ~ thingsarelookingup2
Commenters pointed out that this was abuse.
“NTA.”
“But I really need you to see that this was abusive.”
“He was telling you that he would not put in the work so that you could go and see your family, he then lied and pretended he was in danger to get you away from your family because he didn’t want you there.”
“He wanted you with him.”
“No you weren’t dismissive at all, but you need to stop talking with this guy.”
“He’s going to keep trying to pretend that he’s a victim and that you’re the perp so that he can trick you into apologizing and then getting back together with him.”
“Stay with your family and then go and collect your stuff at some point.”
“Pretending that he was in mortal danger to get you to leave your brother’s wedding is absolutely a place of marriage should end on.”
“Not to mention him then throwing sh*t around when you confronted him” ~
JCBashBash
“This isn’t even borderline, he WAS abusive to her. That behavior is a HELL NAW and means it’s time to get out.”
“NTA.” ~ Spirited-Safety-Lass
Many pointed out the infantile nature of hubby’s behavior.
“’He started crying and throwing his juice all over the place.’”
“OP. Hun. Babe.”
“Those are the words you used to describe what I’m assuming to be a full-grown adult male.”
“Girl, throw the whole man out!”
“Seriously. Your husband is a lying manipulative selfish b*stard and you know it. You deserve better than trash” ~ pizzaisapie69
We all want to be comforted when we’re not feeling well.
That doesn’t mean that we have the right to manipulate those who love us into giving us what we want.
Remember to be respectful, kind, and most importantly – honest.