“Family helps Family.”
That is an age-old saying that’s been drilled into people for generations.
A lot of family members like to take those words as a binding verbal contract.
And it doesn’t always seem to matter if not all of the parties have agreed.
This is where family drama is born.
Redditor StraightDivide9659 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my I[n]-L[aw]s I won’t let my husband’s stepbrother stay with us once he’s said no?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (30 M[ale]) has a stepbrother (31 M) and they do not get along.”
“They never did.”
“They also don’t consider each other family, brothers, or anything of the sort.”
“His stepbrother will occasionally, from what I know, try the whole ‘we’re brothers’ thing when he wants something.”
“But my husband has never and will never consider that man his family and if his mom and stepdad divorced tomorrow or if his mom were to die, he would never have another thing to do with his stepbrother.”
“And would not feel the need to stand by him if both his mom and stepdad were to die and they were the last of the family.”
“He was always clear with me on that.”
“He did not invite his stepbrother to our wedding and told his mom that she didn’t have to come either if she was unhappy with his choice.”
“There has been absolutely zero contact for four years now.”
“My husband’s stepbrother lives/lived in another state and didn’t come back to visit his dad/my husband’s stepdad which was the only contact either had in their adult years.”
“Now he’s returning to be closer to his dad or has returned and he was looking for a temporary place to stay while apartment hunting.”
“Right now he’s with my ILs but he has a big commute to work, according to the three of them, and my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] asked if my husband and I would let him stay with us for a few weeks until he gets a place figured out.”
“My husband said no.”
“Told his mom and stepdad not to offer money or another incentive because he does not want his stepbrother here and that’s final.”
“So MIL and S[tep]-F[ather]-I[n]-L[aw] called me up and asked me if I would say yes and get my husband to accept it.”
“They told me it would mean so much and maybe the two of them could finally bond and act like brothers.”
“MIL told me it would be for max nine weeks.”
“And that he would behave and wouldn’t fight with my husband.”
“I told her none of that mattered because my husband said no and that was what mattered to me.”
“She told me to think of family and our future kids and having an uncle.”
“I told her again, it didn’t make a difference to me.”
“SFIL told me as my husband’s wife I could help influence him in a positive way.”
“When I still reiterated that my answer was no and I stood by my husband’s answer they told me I should be helping not encouraging this crap.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Your in-laws are trying to play the two of you off each other, which shows a shocking lack of understanding of the situation or some delusion that your husband can be convinced into a relationship.”
“Do they think you’re not going to mention this attempt to your husband?”
“Do they think that he is going to react well to this little stunt?” ~ C_Majuscula
“I can’t speak for OP, but when you asked if they think you’re not going to mention it, it reminded me of the situation with my own mother who can be controlling and problematic.”
“She and I got into a fight because she can’t accept that I didn’t vote the same way as her and went on an unhinged rant at me.”
“When I refused to engage she emailed me and said some very nasty things about my husband.”
“Imagine the shocked Pikachu face she had when she found out my husband heard every single word of what she said about him because I f**king talked to my husband.”
“My dad on the other hand was told that I had started something over politics.”
“My mom really thought I wasn’t going to talk to my husband about the awful things she was saying about him and that somehow my dad wouldn’t find out about the awful things she was doing because she thought I wasn’t going to tell my dad the truth if he tried to be a peacemaker in the situation which is exactly what my father always does.”
“These kinds of people are unhinged.” ~ MiciaRokiri
“NTA. Make sure to tell your husband his parents went behind his back to convince you to let stepbrother stay.” ~ Careless_Bluejay_113
“NTA. If they haven’t bonded by now what makes his parents think this is the way?”
“I think they may just want stepbrother out of their house.”
“In the end no means no, it is a complete sentence and they should be pressuring you or hubby to change it.” ~ dalealace
“NTA. They are going behind their son’s back trying to get you to change his mind.”
“They are definitely AHs but you are not.”
“Way to stand firm with your husband.”
“Side note – first it was a few weeks and then a max of nine weeks for the stay.”
“I am thinking he would not be leaving anytime soon.” ~ hikergirl26
“And depending on where you live if you share a kitchen and bathroom or are related you don’t fall under a lot of landlord-tenant boards/orgs/rules and can’t get their support with issues and evictions.”
“You’re out of luck and stuck in small claims court systems/working directly with the cops.”
“Stand your ground OP and protect your home and your marriage!”
“You don’t need this loafer (who honestly sounds like he wouldn’t even chip in for household costs and gives me the vibe he’d be over generous with the toilet paper) hang around for just a measly 9 weeks! 🙄” ~ chonk_fox89
“NTA. Be sure to check your mail so that they don’t try to get him residency in your house.”
“Squatters have been afforded insane rights to places they don’t pay for since COVID.” ~ Stunning-End1275
“NTA. Your husband knows his stepbrother, so good on you for siding with his decision.”
“9 weeks is a LONG time to have anyone over, shoot I can’t have my parents longer than 3 days or I would lose my mind, and I love them, imagine hating someone and having them over that long, hell to the no.” ~ Ittakes1toknow1fam
“NTA. 9 weeks my a**.”
“He’ll refuse to leave, then you’ll be stuck with eviction costs.”
“I wouldn’t even let him visit.”
“He’s had no positive interaction with your husband.”
“Now he needs something and all of a sudden it’s ‘buuttttt faaaaaaamily.'”
“He doesn’t want a relationship.”
“He wants a free ride.” ~ BlindUmpBob
“NTA.”
“1. They are his parents, but they’re acting like children, trying to play the mom-against-dad game and going behind each other’s back to try to get permission.”
“Just a little immature.”
“2. Just a few weeks… Wait a minute, nine weeks!?!”
“Living with somebody who your husband does not get along with?”
“How about no Just based on their mutual dislike of each other.”
“3. And I don’t know where you live, but in most places, nine weeks is long enough to establish tenancy, which means if he decided he didn’t want to f**king leave you’d have to go through the eviction process.”
“F**k that noise.” ~ ThePrinceVultan
“NTA. That timeline went from ‘a few’ to ‘max nine’ weeks really quickly!”
“Good for you for having your husband’s back on this.”
“The fact that the in-laws are trying to do an end run here and get you to override your husband’s decision about his brother is really appalling.” ~ TemptingPenguin369
“NTA, it is super inappropriate of you IL’s trying to force this issue and you are absolutely doing the right thing by sticking to your husband’s choice and backing him 100%.”
“This is his family drama to deal with and you can just redirect your ILs back to him.”
“It is absolutely going to be on your IL’s heads if your husband cuts them off one day cos they keep trying to force this issue.”
“The best thing for you to do is stay out of it and support your husband.” ~ imamage_fightme
“NTA Stick to your firm no.”
“Having someone live in your house is a big commitment.”
“Your husband does not want it.”
“You are right to back his decision.” ~ Having-hope3594
“NTA. Supporting your husband is the right choice.”
“And then going to you to try and change his mind is manipulative and dirty.”
‘That could ruin your marriage if you went along with it.”
“They should offer to put him up in a hotel with the money they would have offered you and your husband since they can obviously afford to hand out money to get him out of their hair.”
“He isn’t a family person your husband so there is no reason to give his feelings or thoughts any consideration.”
“Keep protecting and backing up your husband.” ~ Terra88draco
“NTA. NINE WEEKS???”
“Omg, no. No. No.”
“I would hesitate to give that amount of time to people I like, forget about people I can’t stand.”
“Stick to your guns.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“In fact, you’ve done everything right presenting a unified front with your husband and addressing them in a rational manner.”
“You aren’t obligated to give space in your home.”
“They’re trying to guilt you into undermining your husband.”
“The fact that they don’t see that they’re trying to put a wedge between you and your spouse is alarming.”
“It sounds like they’re just sick of S[tep]-B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw] staying with them.” ~ shrew0809
“NTA. Whatever reason your husband has to not talk to his stepbrother is a good enough reason, and you are always right to stand with your partner.”
“This same concept will be the best way to parent your future kids also.”
“Good for you OP.” ~ No_Mathematician2482
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You and your husband have made a decision.
It’s your house, your rules.
If your in-laws care so much they can pitch in more for him.
Don’t be afraid to stick to your guns.