Religion is among the most divisive topics in interpersonal relationships—particularly when people resort to open hostility because of religious differences.
That’s the dilemma a woman on Reddit faced. So, she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The woman, who goes by Willing-Hedgehog-212 on the site, asked:
“AITA for telling my boyfriend’s kids that I’m Jewish?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Technically I’m asking if WE are TA here. I (23F[emale]) live with my boyfriend (29M[ale]). He has two girls (8 and 10) from a previous relationship.”
“We have 50/50 custody and I’ve been very involved in the girls lives for almost two years now. We’ve had a few conflicts with his ex (28F[emale]) but nothing like this before.”
“I picked the girls up from school a few days ago and checked their backpacks for homework and uneaten lunches. I found a note from the older girl’s teacher, basically saying that daughter (10) has been bullying one of her classmates for being Jewish.”
“I waited for my boyfriend to get home and we discussed it together before calling the girls in.”
“My boyfriend talked to them about how it’s never okay to make fun of someone for religion, race, gender, etc… At the end, he threw in ‘OP is Jewish. Wouldn’t you feel sad if someone was being mean to her?'”
“Technically I don’t really consider myself Jewish. I was raised in a Jewish household but moved away from spirituality of all kinds once I went to college.”
“I celebrate Christmas so the girls had no idea I was ‘Jewish’.”
“My boyfriend knows this, and only said it to the girls as a way to make the conversation more personal (if you have/work with kids, you know they sometimes need an example that hits close to home).”
“Anyway, both girls instantly started bawling, crying about how ‘OP wouldn’t be allowed in heaven’ and they’d never see me again. It caught us really off guard and we ended up having a great conversation about how there are tons of different religions, and no religion is ‘the right one’.”
“They started CCD a few years ago, but as far as I know, ideas like ‘everything other than Christianity is wrong and evil’ isn’t something you learn from the church. They eventually calmed down and even started to ask me questions about Jewish beliefs and other spiritualities.”
“The older girl realized how wrong she was to bully one of her classmates and wrote an apology note.”
“They went home yesterday and their mom called my boyfriend, absolutely livid. She yelled at him for teaching the girls to defy Christianity and is particularly upset that we told them I’m Jewish.”
“I guess she thinks I should have kept it a secret.”
“Are we the a**holes for telling the girls that I’m Jewish? PLEASE don’t turn this into a religious debate, I just want to know if we are in the wrong for telling them I’m Jewish!”
OP’s fellow Redditors were then asked to judge who is in the wrong in this situation using the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
They were almost unanimously not on board with the mother’s views.
“NTA. Wait until they find out Jesus was Jewish.”
“(P.S. It doesn’t matter to AntiSemitics whether or not you follow Judaism. Jewish people are an ethnic group, not just a religious one. You could burn the Torah in front of them and they will still regard you as Jewish.)” —terra_terror
“NTA.”
“1. Your ethnic/genetic background is yours to share with people if you wish to. You are under no obligation to keep your identity/biology a secret.”
“2. Why is mom teaching them to be hateful? That’s the bigger issue.” —Here_for_tea
“NTA. I was bullied terribly for being Jewish in elementary school, especially because of the idea that I wouldn’t go to heaven and would go to hell. You did a good job of addressing the antisemitism the kids learned, and sounds like their mom is likely where they learned that antisemitism.” —-Quaint-
“NTA. This was not a lesson about religion nor beliefs but rather about tolerance and compassion for others regardless of religion or beliefs. (And frankly, anyone whom we consider to be ‘different’ than us)”
“My mother had me going to midnight mass, Christian camp, Jehovah bible study class, Protestant school, Catholic school, Buddhist temple, and we even had Mormons over to talk about beliefs. She wanted to teach me that there were multiple beliefs out there and to have me choose my own way.” —bornatsea
“NTA.”
“They had to be told to stop harmfully being anti Semitic. And I hate to use that with kids, but that’s exactly what was occurring. It’s very harmful to the bullied kid. (Happened to me as a kid and I’m still angry but I won’t bore you with the story).”
“And from what I know of CCD, it doesn’t tell you to hate everyone not Christian.”
“It’s their mom that did that, she thinks you should keep Judaism a secret and that it’s defying Christianity to not bully others for not being Christian?? She’s the anti Semite and is horrible to teach children that!” —yukidaviji
“NTA. Tell the kids that Jesus was Jewish.” —UnicornCackle
“NTA If anything, this incident has revealed a need for much more discussion about religious diversity. Your boyfriend might want to check with their church to see what they are being taught there and if necessary consult with his lawyer about his wife’s reaction.” —AdmirableJudgement
“NTA,”
“Bringing up the fact that you are Jewish (even if you aren’t practicing or don’t really identify with it much) was still a great way to put into perspective what your boyfriends girls were doing and why it was wrong. Kids need to learn that kind of stuff.”
“I understand why his ex is just that, an ex.” —C_JMorrison
Hopefully these parents can find a way to peacefully co-exist despite their different views on faith.