Not everyone loves surprises.
Particularly when the surprise in question is an unannounced visitor.
Sometimes, of course, the unexpected arrival of a dear friend or family member is a welcome surprise, resulting in our overlooking any resulting change of plans or interruptions that may come with it.
Most of the time, however, no matter the person, the arrival of someone without any prior notice is never a time for celebration.
The boyfriend of a recent Redditor succeeded in selling a piece of furniture to a friend of his.
The original poster (OP) knew that this purchaser was going to pop by to collect his new furniture.
What the OP was less aware of was when, finding herself in a somewhat vulnerable position when he arrived.
Making no effort to hide her dissatisfaction to her boyfriend.
Concerned about how she handled things, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for snapping at my boyfriend for bringing a man into the bedroom while I am trying to sleep?”
The OP explained why her relationship with her boyfriend ended up on rocky ground thanks to a certain visitor:
“So for quick context, my boyfriend bought us a new bed frame and mattress but the frame came with a crack in one of the pieces.”
“When he told Amazon, they just sent him another one.”
“One day at work an employee mentioned he was needing a new bed so my boyfriend said he could have the one Amazon sent him if he didn’t mind the broken piece.”
“Well he didn’t, and he came to get it today.”
“I know this person and I do not like him for various reasons, my boyfriend told me the night before he was coming to get it.”
“I said cool, I’m not coming out of the bedroom unless I have to.”
“He came and I vaguely heard them talking but I was half asleep and didn’t care.”
“Then I heard my boyfriend say something about showing him our bed, and I heard him say that I was in there but it was fine.”
“I kinda froze, half asleep and confused until I hear them coming and I pulled the blankets over my head as my boyfriend announced coming in.”
“I said very loudly ‘Why??'”
“And they just came in.”
“It was hot and stuffy under the covers, thank God I wore baggy clothes and not my usual sleepwear, so I pulled the blankets down and the guy was just standing there in the doorway and awkwardly said good morning.”
“To which I replied very angrily good morning back and probably looked like I wanted to kill everyone there.”
“So my boyfriend showed off the bed and started to leave, to which I snapped at him for not shutting the door behind him on his way out.”
“I don’t like leaving the door completely open because it’s so awkward when his kid goes to the bathroom across the hall and we see each other when I’m trying to sleep.”
“I just want it cracked enough my cat can get in and he knows this.”
“Eventually, the employee left, and my boyfriend came in, and I immediately sat up and told him I did not like that at all.”
“He tries saying something in a sing-song voice that may have been a half-a**ed apology, but I cut him off saying, ‘I really didn’t f*cking like that at all,’ and he turned around and left without a word.”
“I shut the door completely and laid down, just sort of locked up in place.”
“My whole body sort of just felt heavy, and my chest hurt, but I couldn’t cry, that was just so… humiliating to have not only a man that does not belong in my bedroom there but also him seeing me in my safe space an absolute mess from sleeping was just horrible.”
“Later, when I got up for work, my boyfriend left as soon as he knew I was moving, got his pants, and left without a word.”
“On my way out, I very angrily texted him that since he decided to Irish Goodbye to me after hurting me that bad, I’d take the couch tonight.”
“He didn’t reply and was asleep when I got home, so I am on the couch now.”
“I want to know if I’m the a**hole for how I reacted because I have a feeling that’s how he’s going to twist it when he does, or if he does, say anything at all.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for snapping at her boyfriend.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s boyfriend badly invaded her privacy, with many urging her to consider if staying in this relationship was a good idea and others wondered why she was the one who ended up on the couch in this scenario:
“From your description,”
“‘I hear them coming and I pulled the blankets over my head as my boyfriend announced coming in…. The guy was just standing there in the doorway and awkwardly said good morning’.”
“Your boyfriend was being disrespectful to you AND the buyer.”
“The guy wanting to do the purchase ALSO did not expect a sleeping human to be there.”
“Note how the buyer was being respectful, and your boyfriend WAS NOT.”
“Again, with the boyfriend”
“‘I cut him off saying “I really didn’t f*cking like that at all'” and he turned around and left without a word.”
“This is wild and weird.”
“Does he usually ignore your feelings?”
“‘…shut the door completely and laid down, just sort of locked up in place. My whole body sort of just felt heavy, and my chest hurt, but I couldn’t cry, but that was just so… humiliating’.”
“It WAS humiliating and intrusive.”
“NTA.”
“Please ensure your bf wants you to be in a safe environment more than making a quick buck.”-DigbyChickenZone
“NTA .”
“You set clear boundaries, and your man straight up ignored them. Bringing someone into your bedroom, your safe space, without a real heads up or respect for your feelings is a foul move.”
“Maybe snapping wasn’t ideal, but he kinda asked for it by dismissing your comfort like that.”
“Dude needs to quit playin and show some respect.”- Younggod9
“NTA.”
“Letting someone in your bedroom while you’re sleeping is an a**hole move, especially when it’s someone he knows that you don’t really like.”
“He should have had the decency to wake you up before he even got there so you could have moved somewhere else.”
“Imagine how uncomfortable you would feel if you had been sleeping naked.”
“Your boyfriend should have had you get up before any of this happened.”
“Your boyfriend owes you an apology to you and the employee for what happened.”
“Your boyfriend owes you another apology for just walking away from you after you expressed how much you didn’t like what he did and not talking to you for the rest of the day.”
“How childish.”- Briiiiiiyonce
“NTA.”
“I’ve been with my wife for 18 years, I would never, NEVER cross that boundary with her ever.”
“I don’t care if she was awake.”
“If she is obviously uncomfortable with someone, I wouldn’t put her in that position, and no one is getting into our bedroom without getting through me first.”
“The f*ck is wrong with him?”
“How long have you two been together?”
“Because I feel like this is easily something he should have picked up on.”- Dentros1
“NTA.”
“It’s your bedroom, your safe space.”
“He had no right to bring someone in there while you were sleeping, especially someone you don’t even like.”
“He disrespected you big time.”
“You need to have a serious talk with him abt boundaries and how he’s making you feel.”-
Autumndriftt
The OP eventually returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment and share an important update regarding her relationship:
“I wanna start by saying thank you all, even the ones that said I was the a**hole but gave a polite reason why.”
“This really helped me calm down; my anxiety and anger were through the roof, and this really helped calm me down, distract me, and clear my head.”
“I would like to clarify here because I noticed a lot of people miss reading it, but the employee was never buying anything, especially not our actual bed that I was sleeping on.”
“He was picking up a free spare bedframe because Amazon is kinda weird in how they fix things, apparently.”
“I really have no idea why or how they ended up in the bedroom.
“I tried to be as polite as possible in my replies but a few times my temper did flare a bit.”
“I apologize for that; I admittedly haven’t slept since all this happened, so I’m pretty impressed I can spell still, haha.”
“I’d like to especially thank the men that apologized for what I dealt with, with how the world is going about that was really wonderful to see.”
“And thank you to every woman that defended me and lifted me up, your aggression was honestly sweet as f*ck.”
“I genuinely appreciate your kindness.”
“When the time comes, I’m going to let him explain himself, listen, and explain myself as well.”
“I will apologize for snapping only if he actually shows remorse what he did and understands how wrong it was.”
“If he makes excuses, I’m not going to meet in the middle.”
“I know a lot of you were mad about sleeping on the couch (I did not sleep at all, of course), but when we’ve clashed before, he almost always takes the couch, so I don’t see it as unreasonable, but I get where you are coming from.”
“That’s the goal.”
“And yes, I am reevaluating my relationship with him even before I hear him out.”
“I’m not going to act rashly. It’s really impossible to explain a 3-year relationship in one post, and I know everyone wants to hear every detail, but not every detail is meant for strangers.”
“No offense, I love all the advice and support you’ve given me.”
“But I am considering leaving him, and I do have a plan if it comes to that.”
“I always have, in all honesty.”
“But I really need to close my eyes right now, especially now that my chest doesn’t hurt.”
“Thank you dearly once again; I’ll post the update when I have one, and I’ll try to reply to people because I always feel like I should when you put in the time to try and help me.”
“Thank you!”
The almost utter silence from the OP’s boyfriend in this scenario is pretty telling.
Wondering how many times prior to this, he had little to no regard for the OP’s comfort or privacy.
Thankfully, based on the OP’s update, it looks like he won’t have many more chances to degrade her in the future.