When needing to get somewhere, more often than not, the most difficult hurdle anyone needs to jump is getting out the door.
Always dummy checking to make sure all appliances are off, making sure you have everything you need, and getting everything in order.
Throw children into the mix, and sometimes the seemingly simple act of getting out the door seems utterly impossible.
The 3-year-old son of Redditor Jaded_Permit_7209 was having an increasingly difficult time getting out the door in time for daycare.
So much so that the original poster (OP) was beginning to get increasingly late for work.
With his job on the line, the OP eventually instituted a policy in his household that would ensure he was never late for work again.
A policy the OP’s wife didn’t approve of one bit.
Wondering if he was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for making an “if he’s not ready on time, he stays home” policy against my wife’s wishes?”
The OP explained why his new policy was met with resounding disapproval from his wife.
“My wife (31F[emale]) an I (33 M[ale]) have a 3-year-old boy.”
“He currently goes to daycare during the day.”
“I generally drop him off, and then my wife’s mother will pick him up.”
“My wife cannot drive so she unfortunately cannot take him.”
“I have found that if I get my son out the door by 8:45, I can get him to daycare and then be on time for work.”
“Unfortunately, my wife tends to drag her feet with getting him fed and ready, so she has caused me to be late multiple times.”
“I am in a field where I simply cannot be late, and therefore this situation is unacceptable.”
“I have been late four times since he started going to daycare, and my wife has only gotten less consistent.”
‘Last Wednesday, I realized that if I waited for my wife to get him fully ready, I’d be late to work.”
“I simply walked out the door.”
“She called me screaming angrily, but I told her that if she didn’t want him to stay home, she should have had him ready on time.”
“The next day she managed to get him out right at 8:45, but on Friday it became clear again that she was going to cause me to be late.”
“I just walked out the door.”
“She texted me multiple times, and when I got home at around 11 pm, she had a lot to say about it.”
“I don’t think I’m the a-hole for my policy seeing as I simply cannot afford to be late to work, but I wonder if there’s something I’m not seeing here.”
“AITA?”
The OP later returned, giving a bit more clarity on his schedule:
“I have two jobs.”
“We cannot afford our current lifestyle and daycare on my daytime job salary alone.”
“I must sleep until 8:20 if I want to get anywhere near 7 hours of sleep a night.”
“I work in a job where a mistake can get somebody severely injured or even killed.”
“[The OP’s Wife] does not work.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for instituting his “not ready on time/not going to daycare” policy.
Everyone agreed that as the OP was the sole breadwinner and was out of the house more often than he was home, the very least his wife could do was ensure their son was ready on time and getting to work on time was a bigger priority than getting him to daycare, and that changes needed to be made immediately.
“NTA.”
“This is completely and utterly ridiculous.”
“You are working 13 hours, not getting home till 11 pm, and then doing chores before you go to bed?”
“Your wife – doesn’t drive, doesn’t work, doesn’t look after the kid all day, and STILL cannot get him sorted on time so you can take him to daycare and be at work on time and not lose your job.”
“The job that’s paying for her entire lifestyle to do nothing.”
“This is a bigger problem than the kid not being ready on time.”
“This is a come-to-Jesus talk time with your wife.”- spaceship540
“NTA.”
“Ok, after reading the comments.”
“Guy works work two jobs to essentially pay for everything while his wife is not employed and doesn’t drive because of anxiety, and he’s not home till 11 PM and has to be asleep within the hour he’s home.”
“With the child being at daycare during the day, all that would be left for the wife to do potentially is dinner and maybe some light cleaning.”
“Not even laundry since OP does his own.”
“Either the wife has post-partum depression or just doesn’t wanna do it.”- TinyPianoFairy
“NTA based on your answers.”
“The least she can do is get the kid ready on time.”
“It’ll be worse if you get fired from your job.”
“Maybe your kid can shower in the evening and just wash his face in the morning so it’s pretty much just breakfast needing to be done (he can even eat a sandwich in the car otw to daycare).”
“And you do realize this is not a sustainable arrangement, you will die with this 2-job schedule while she is mentally unwell.”
“If she wants this to work, as a wife and mother, she needs to actively find treatment for her anxiety disorder.”
“There’s her asking for a bit of help, and there’s screaming at you for asking her to step up a bit.”
“Big difference.”
“Was she like this before having a child?”
“Could it be some kind of extended PPD that got worse?”
“Don’t forget to thank MIL for helping out.”- peregrine_throw
“NTA.”
“But what you are doing is unsustainable.”
“You are going to burn yourself out.”
“Also, you are missing your kid growing up.”
“I have to ask, what does your wife bring to the table?”
“It doesn’t sound like much.”
“You are working two jobs, doing laundry and probably more chores around the house.”
“Your wife is getting the child ready in the morning and?”
“How long does her mother stay after dropping him off from daycare?”- Jeweler-Medical
“NTA.”
“Your wife is either depressed or extremely lazy and manipulative.”
“Get her to go see a doctor.”
“You should not be working 13+ hours a day whilst she sits around doing nothing whilst child is on day care.”
“She can’t even be bothered to do your laundry.”
“Was she working before she got pregnant?”- Agreeable_Guard_7229
“NTA.”
“After reading the comments, I’m sorry to be blunt, but your wife is dead weight.”
“You’re outright just financing her doing whatever she wants while you work your butt out all day long.”
“That’s not how it works and quite frankly I would have started to suspect either cheating or just that she’s exploiting you so she can keep being unemployed and doing what she wants all day.”
“And on top of this, she can’t even manage to drag herself out of bed and be ready by 8:45.”
“The vast majority of us will be on the highway by 7:00 to go to work.”
“Personal advice: put your foot down that she either gets a job or becomes a SAHM, so you can maybe drop a job if you have multiple or work fewer hours, save on daycare, and maybe spend more time with your kid.”
“I only say the kid because quite frankly, in my humble opinion, your wife couldn’t care less about you.”- Drezhar
“NTA.”
“But, OP, you have much bigger problems.”
“You have a wife who doesn’t work, or take care of your child, and you work 13-hour days to afford daycare and your lifestyle.”
“What is your wife’s contribution?”
“Has she been assessed by a specialist for her anxiety?”
“Does she attend therapy to manage her anxiety and be able to live a full life?”
“Anxiety is out of her control, but how she manages it, very much is in her control.”
“One of my friends has terrible anxiety.”
“She attends frequent therapy sessions.”
“Yet she works full time and is able to parent a child too.”
“You cannot go on like this – you’ll burn out, and then what?”
‘Your wife needs to take responsibility for her own mental health and not make it your burden.”
Normally, both parents getting the child ready for school will ensure they are out the door and ready to go on time.
However, seeing as the OP spends practically the entire day working out of the house, and his wife is home by herself for most of the day, one would think her getting him ready on time is the least she could do.
But it seems like more significant changes are needed in this household, to ensure everyone remains healthy and well taken care of.