We always want to help our family when they need it.
Even if it can often feel like an obligation, we do it nonetheless, with the mindset that they would do the same for us.
However, even if we don’t help out our family for pride and glory, it’s still nice to have at least the tiniest bit of acknowledgment.
Nor should our family members ever assume we are always able and willing to help them at any given moment.
A recent Redditor had been helping his sister with childcare purely out of the goodness of his own heart.
However, when it became clear to the original poster (OP) that his sister seemed to expect that he could come to her aid at a moment’s notice, he felt some boundaries needed to be made.
Boundaries his sister didn’t appreciate one bit.
Wondering if he was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my sister I won’t babysit her kids anymore because she doesn’t pay me or even say thank you?”
The OP explained why he felt the need to limit the amount of help he provided his sister:
I (31M) have been helping my sister (34F) with babysitting her two kids (6 F and 3 M) for the past two years.”
“It started during the pandemic when she and her husband needed help balancing work-from-home and childcare, and I was happy to step in.”
“I didn’t expect any payment at first because, well, family.”
“But now things are back to normal.”
“She’s back at work full-time, and I’m also busy with my job and personal life.”
“Despite this, she’s still asking me to babysit at least once a week, sometimes more.”
“The issue is, she never offers to pay me or even says a simple ‘thank you’.”
“It’s just expected that I’ll do it.”
“Last week, I finally told her I can’t keep doing this for free, and if she wants me to babysit, she either needs to pay me or at least express some gratitude.”
“She got really upset, saying I was being selfish and that family should help each other out without expecting anything in return.”
“I get that family helps family, but I feel taken advantage of.”
“I’m not asking for much, just a token of appreciation or even an occasional break.”
“Now she’s not speaking to me, and our parents are saying I should apologize to keep the peace.”
“AITA for setting boundaries with my sister and telling her I won’t babysit unless she acknowledges my effort?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to babysit for his sister any longer unless she started paying him.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s sister was being selfish and ungrateful, and the OP was absolutely correct in setting some boundaries, especially if she didn’t even thank him for volunteering his time:
“You’re NTA.”
“‘She got really upset, saying I was being selfish and that family should help each other out without expecting anything in return’.”
“As long as she is the one on the receiving end, right?”
“‘I’m not asking for much, just a token of appreciation or even an occasional break’.”
“Sounds reasonable.”
“‘Now she’s not speaking to me’.”
“Good, not she can’t ask you to babysit.”
“‘ Our parents are saying I should apologize to keep the peace’.”
“Nope.”
“That’s the motto of all bully enablers.”- Dittoheadforever
“NTA.”
“Yeah, ask her when it applies to you?”
“Is it just a one-way thing, or.”
“Don’t be a doormat. Do you think she’ll do the same if you had kids?”
“2 years is… wow a long time.”
“You did her a big favor. She should be grateful not guilt tripping you.”- Catwomaninred
“NTA!”
“In the spirit of ‘keeping the peace’ are your parents telling HER to apologize?”
“If yes, I applaud them for being fair.”
“If not, shame on them for putting the burden wholly on you.”
“I’m all for family supporting each other, but your sister is wrong to expect you to drop your life to care for her children.”
“I have no doubt you adore your niece and nephew, but every week, multiple times per week, without any acknowledgment of your kindness would wear out anyone’s welcoming heart.”
“Not to mention, two kids can be a handful, especially since you work, presumably full time in addition to your other obligations.”
“Can I also say how much I love that those kids have such a caring uncle?”
“Where I’m from, it’s less common to see a male as a regular caretaker, even when they are the father!”
“As for your sister not speaking to you, perhaps it’s a blessing in disguise.”
“Let her see how few people would be willing to regularly care for her kids for YEARS, every week, multiple times a week for zero pay and not even the common courtesy to say thank you.”
“I can share that list right now because there’s no one on it.”
“Trust me, she will reach out because she needs you.”
“Stand your ground on this one.”
“It costs zero money to show kindness and say, ‘Thank you’.”
“She could have even written you a heartfelt email thanking you for all you’ve done to help her family.”
“Again, costs nothing.”
“Had she used the manners we are all taught in kindergarten she wouldn’t be in this predicament.”- SchipperLeeLuv
“NTA.”
“This reads like you were never appreciated, you never asked for the ‘thank you’ that should have been offered as the bare minimum, and you reached the end of your limit, pushing things to the point of asking compensation.”
“Stand by your decision, and do not let your sister get her way.”
“Do you know how tough it is to find trustworthy childcare?”
“You should be getting expensive gifts every now and then if they don’t offer compensation!”
“As for your parents, you can propose they babysit for free, start being seen as a given that they will donate their free time without getting so much as a thank you, and they can discuss the matter with you again in 3 years, see if they still feels the same.”- LessComfortable1980
“NTA.”
“You are absolutely not the a-hole here.”
“Your sister feels entitled to your babysitting.”
“And she wants to continue it because it costs her nothing.”
“If there is a misstep here, on your part, not a wrong, but something that could have gone better, I wouldn’t have mentioned money at all, and if we want to give your sister any grace in perspective at all, that’s where we do it.”
“Babysitting for family should not be a paid thing, at least, not at a once-a-week type thing, if we can manage it without hardship.”
“Expecting gratitude, though, is not out of line.”
“Were I your sister, I would be trying to take you to dinner or offer some inexpensive recompense for the service.”
“I know a lot of people who use family for necessary childcare, and while I do believe in personal freedom, I also believe in a responsibility to family that we have relationships with.”
“I think babysitting if you can, if your sister needs it, is the right thing to do, but also that she needs to make sure that she tells you she appreciates it, and not just in words.”
“In families, I know of, there are babysitters who get their Netflix paid for (sometimes as a profile on a share, but more often their own account) or who have been given gift certificates or alcohol or food or small household items, like a blender or a toaster or dishes (if the other person knows you need or could use).”
“One example that comes to mind from a family friend is that the mother of the child was brining cookies over once a month for the babysitter, and then when the sitter said he was going on a diet, began bringing freezer meals.”
“You are not the a-hole for expecting gratitude.”
“You would not be the a-hole if you stopped babysitting.”
“Your time is your own, and unless quitting crushes your sister’s life in some way, you can keep it.”
“Keep in mind that it may alter your relationship with your sister.”
“The thing about money is that once money becomes involved, it becomes a business thing.”
“If your sister gives you $100 a month to babysit, then she has a right to have expectations about times and attendance, and so on.”
“We don’t want that with our family.”
“It will only lead to problems.”
“Figure out what works for you.”- rockology_adam
It’s pretty shocking that the OP’s sister didn’t realize he was doing her an enormous favor.
Instead, she felt that he was fulfilling an obligation he owed to her.
The fact that she didn’t even think he was worthy of a thank you for all the time and effort he put in to come to her aid pretty much solidifies that he should avoid helping her any further.