People hold on to certain traditions for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, it’s purely for the enjoyment of partaking in the tradition or sharing the tradition brings. Other traditions have a slightly deeper, more somber meaning, however.
With this in mind, skipping or missing certain traditions might have unexpected emotional consequences.
The son of Redditor Creepy_Werewolf_4914 was looking forward to a tradition that came in tandem with his birthday.
However, the original poster (OP)’s wife felt that the money they would spend on this tradition could be better used, eventually convincing the OP to go along with that.
Resulting in the OP’s son breaking down in tears.
Wondering if they were being insensitive, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for making my son cry?”
The OP shared why his son was brought to tears after a change of plans regarding his birthday:
“I (47 M[ale]) have a son (14 M) from a previous marriage to my late wife.”
“She passed two years ago, and for my son, the wound is still very fresh.”
“My son and she were very close as they looked exactly alike and had a lot of the same interest in reading, history, and art.”
“Their favorite place in the world is the British Museum in London.”
“Their passion project has been redrawing pieces from the museum for the last two years before.”
“For the last four years, for my wife’s birthday in June and my son’s birthday in December, we go to England for a week so they can spend time in the museum.”
“However since she died, my son and I have continued going for his birthday.”
“The problem is with my new wife (39 F[emale]).”
“She’s only been with us on this annual trip once last year, and she complained the whole time.”
“Now, however, we recently found out we are expecting a child together in May.”
“She raised it to my attention that the money I’ve used for the trip could be better used to be saved for the baby and we could instead do something else for my son’s birthday.”
“I thought about it, and I agreed.”
“I was worried how he’d take it as this is the only thing he wants for his birthday.”
“He doesn’t ask for gifts or cake or a party.”
“All he cares about is this g*ddamn museum.”
“We broke the news to my son yesterday, and he flipped out.”
“He was so upset, and when my wife tried to tell him why we were saving the money and where the money was going, he said he didn’t give a damn, and we got into an argument about it.”
“He said he was upset because if he didn’t go this year, he’d miss the new exhibit he’d been wanting to see, and he accused my wife of doing this on purpose because ‘she already doesn’t like me,’ he said.”
“I admit I yelled at him, and he started crying, and for the last 24 hours, he hasn’t spoken to me.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community had little sympathy for the OP, all but unanimously agreeing he was indeed the a**hole for making his son cry.
Everyone agreed that not only did the OP completely miss the meaning of making that visit to the British museum held for his son, but he also rather blatantly seemed to prioritize his unborn child over his still grieving son:
“YTA.”
“Your wife died two years ago.”
“One year ago, you brought your new wife on this trip.”
“So you were remarried within a year of your son’s mother’s death?”
“Not just dating, but actually planned and had a wedding?”
“And brought this new wife on his first trip back to the museum since his mother died?”
“And now he can’t go because you’re having a baby.”
“Hope you like the new kid a whole lot because you won’t see much of your first one in the future.”- temperedolive
“YTA in a huge way.”
“By calling it a ‘goddam museum’, you’re minimizing the importance of this tradition.”
“You’re denying your son a connection he has with his late mother, all in the name of ‘saving money’ for the new baby.”
“Your son feels like you’re abandoning him for this new family.”
“I don’t blame him.”
“You seem like a terrible father.”
“It seems like you don’t care that your kid lost his mother.”
“Was he ok with you ‘moving on’ with another woman?”
“Lots of men with kids do, because they can’t handle the responsibility of raising kids alone, and it’s almost never ok with the kids.”
“Think about what you’re doing here.”
“It won’t be long before your son leaves you behind and goes no contact.”
“Good thing you have this new backup family, right?.”- Terrible_Radio7353
“YTA.”
“‘The problem is with my new wife (39F)’.”
“She’s the cartoon villain stepmother in your son’s eyes, but you’re worse for not standing up for your son.”
“‘She’s only been with us on this annual trip once last year and she complained the whole time’.”
“‘She raised it to my attention that the money I’ve used for the trip could be better used to be saved for the baby’.”
“What a peach.”
“She will make your son resent your new child as much as he probably resents her.”
“Your son needs this tradition.”
“He needs this connection with his mom, especially now that you have totally restructured him home with a wedge-wielding wife and incoming baby.”
“It is not just ‘a GD museum’ to him.”
“‘She already doesn’t like me,” he said’.”
“Is he right?”
“‘For the last 24 hours, he hasn’t spoken to me’.”
“Why should he?”
“You’ve shown him where your allegiance is, and it isn’t with him.”- Dittoheadforever
“‘All he cares about is this g*ddamn museum’.”
“Of course he does.”
“That’s the last connection he has to his mother.”
“YTA.”
“I get wanting to have money for the baby, but you could do both if you planned and saved money.”- Primary-Criticism929
“Your shiny new wife chose to act worse than a whiny toddler and ruined a trip that we meant for a CHILD, on their birthday, as a memory for his mother.”
“You allowed this woman to make your son feel terrible in his favorite place in the world, on his birthday.”
“You allowed this woman to take the one thing your child has ever wanted, to shift it over to something that has nothing to do with your son, for his birthday.”
“You yelled at your son for reacting badly to being shoved aside for your new family.”
“You allow your new wife to mistreat your son, not even bothering to raise any question at ‘she hates me’ at all.”
“Of. Course. YTA.”- crocodilezebramilk
“Yes YTA.”
“Have you thought your son is now looking at this as a new tradition so that the two of you can be closer?”
“Instead, you’ve essentially told him your new wife and baby are more important than him, and quite frankly, it’s a red flag that your new wife doesn’t have any empathy for him.”
“You better hope this new marriage lasts because in years to come, I doubt your son will have much to do with you.”- ColdstreamCapple
“Your first wife died two years ago.”
“Your current wife has already gone on this trip once and just successfully got the second one cancelled.”
“And you have a baby on the way.”
“So how long after she died did you move on to the new wife?”
“Did you even try to help your son cope and grieve before you let the evil stepmother start controlling his life?” – Mysterious_Silver381
“YTA.”
“And by what you did, you made it clear that your new family means more to you.”
“That you want the money to go to your new wife and new child.”
“Instead of your son who lost his mother.”
“Your wife doesn’t like the trip – she doesn’t has to go.”
“See already money saved.”
“It should be only a trip between you and your son anyway if your wife complains all the time.”
“But congratulations.”
“You made your son lose his father and the rest of his family with this action.”
“And you ruined any possible sibling bond between your son and his half-sibling because he now knows that you favorite the new child way before, as it was the reason you saw your obligation to give your son what he wants as ended.”- Trevena_Ice
Obviously, bringing a new child into the world will require an adjustment to one’s finances. However, the OP’s cancellation of his son’s trip shows a shocking lack of compassion and awareness for his son.
Who is clearly still grieving the loss of his mother and was looking forward to the trip to the British Museum as a way to hold on to her memory.
The fact that the OP could remarry and procreate as quickly as he did suggests he was able to move on from his first wife’s death relatively easily.
One can only hope that he’ll soon realize this was not the case with his son, who needs love and support.