Christmas is a magical time.
There is so much joy and glee abound.
For some people, an essential part of the Christmas magic is the presence of Santa.
Old St. Nick is a major player in the holiday game.
So when that identity is compromised, people get touchy, to say the least.
Santa can cause a lot of drama.
Case in point…
Redditor No_Poetry7930 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for uninviting my oldest daughter to Christmas over Santa?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I 43 F[emale] have children with very large age gaps.”
“My oldest is 25, that I had with a high school ex.”
“Then we separated, and I married my husband much later.”
“My younger two are 9, and 7.”
“My younger children believe in Santa, while my daughter’s son doesn’t.”
“She raised him not with the Santa magic, which is perfectly okay I just rather not have it ruined for my children who do believe in Santa.”
“I was having Christmas at my house and I asked my daughter if she’d please talk to her son because I wouldn’t like the magic ruined for them.”
“I still put packages under the tree with ‘from Santa’ on them, and leave out cookies and reindeer treats (bird seeds).”
“My daughter told us she wouldn’t make her son lie, and my children are old enough to understand if her son decides to say something.”
“I told her if she wouldn’t talk to her son, they could spend Christmas at their apartment.”
“My daughter didn’t like that and said I was choosing my younger children’s happiness over hers, and that I was being completely unreasonable.”
“My husband supports me but thinks I might be a little high-strung as our children are getting older.”
“I just want to keep the Christmas magic alive.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“Could you explain to your children that not everyone believes in Santa and that’s ok?”
“What happens if your kids have friends that are Jewish or Buddhist or parents that perhaps aren’t able to provide the ‘Santa’ experience?”
“Does it really have to be that binary?”
“I empathize with wanting to give your children the happiest holiday memories and feeling unhappy when wrenches get thrown in those plans but it seems like there should be creative solutions here that don’t make other members of your family feel unwelcome. YTA.” ~ ChupaChupnana
“I was raised by a Christian mother, but she never pushed Santa as anything but a story people tell their children to make Christmas more special.”
“But she was an oddball Christian that never pushed religion on me, did her best to treat everyone equally, never said a bad word about her youngest sister that had an abortion at 16.”
“She had a good friend that was gay and would defend her right to be who she was, and loved her partner too (always told me they were a good couple) 🤷♂️ she was what I thought Christians were supposed to be.”
“She would be very disappointed in modern Christianity.” ~ False-Importance-741
“I grew up in a country where there are multiple religions Christians, Jewish, Muslims, so about 1/3 are those who celebrate Christmas, and we invited each other for holidays, it’s so simple to explain to kids that there are kids who don’t believe the same way, there are even families who don’t believe in God.”
“I wonder what OP would do if kids became friends with Muslims, Jewish or atheists!?”
“Forbid kids to be friends!?”
“Chances are some kids in school already expressed to OPs’ kids that Santa is not real!”
“OP YTA! Teach your kids to be tolerant of other people’s beliefs!” ~ CrazyMath2022
“It’s not really Christian to believe in Santa, that’s why my parents never bothered with that lie.”
“I was raised told Christmas is Jesus’ birthday, we give gifts to represent what the Wise Men brought the baby.”
“I pretended to believe in Santa so I wouldn’t ruin it for my friends.”
“But my parents didn’t have a lot of money and made it clear that they worked very hard to provide those gifts so Thank God for giving us his only son and for basically making a way for us to afford Christmas because that’s a blessing and some people can’t afford it.”
“My Christmases were always fun and magical and memorable. Without Santa.” ~ McJazzHands80
“What blows my mind is OP is telling her daughter to make her grandson lie to ‘keep the Santa magic’, and is willing to bar them from the family Christmas over it.”
“OP seems to be valuing the pageantry of Santa over their actual family.”
“The thing is, eventually, the younger kids are going to figure it out and not care about Santa anymore.”
“But OP’s grandson will remember not being allowed to attend Christmas.”
“Also, the older kid is 9.”
“They’ve probably already been told by other kids that Santa’s not real. YTA.” ~ Shibaspots
“Indeed – also she doesn’t give an age for the daughter’s son?”
“If he is like 10, OP could have a word and explain that it’s a thing his little aunt/uncle believes and ask him to play along.”
“If he is like 4, she could tell him it’s a game they play, and then if he says the wrong thing (as little kids innocently do) and that presents are from parents she could say ‘he doesn’t know about Santa.'”
“I feel like OP doesn’t give his age for a reason?”
“Anyway while I can understand requesting her daughter not to say anything, this is a ridiculous thing to disinvite her daughter and grandson over.”
“Especially as presumably they interact at other points of the year, when Santa may still come up in conversation – is OP going to start grilling over whether every child they encounter believes before she lets her kids interact with them?”
“It’s funny I never remember ‘finding out about Santa’ because I don’t think I ever really believed in Santa.”
“We ‘did Santa’ in that my parents had me listen out for the bells, wrote ‘from Santa’ on presents, etc.”
“They never said ‘btw this isn’t true.'”
“But I think I got from the way they were acting that it was a game we were playing, something we were choosing to say was happening, not real in the way other things were real.”
“It was still fun and magical because little kid imaginations are so vivid that games/stories always feel real.” ~ cateml
“Yeah, asking a 5 child to lie or keep a secret and then excluding them from the family holiday when it is pointed out how bad that idea is, instead of just telling the older kids that there are people who believe other things (like there are people who never saw Santa so they don’t believe him), is such a great idea/sarcasm.”
“Plus with most 5-year-olds if you tell them to keep quiet about something then it’s either the first thing they say or they slip up after the first 45-60 minutes.”
“Nothing says Christmas spirit more than throwing out family members over a fairy tale.”
“Especially when in school it’s 99.9% that the older kids already heard that Santa is not real.”
“YTA… OP should just admit that she doesn’t want her oldest and her grandson around, doesn’t really care about her daughter or her grandson, she should just admit she prefers her do-over family.”
“Who the hell keeps referring to their grandson as ‘my daughter’s son” when there is only one grandson in the story and not one from their daughter and another one from their son too, so specification is needed?!”
“Hint: not a loving grandma…” ~ Cute-Shine-1701
“I actually remember the moment that I realized Santa wasn’t real.”
“I was about 8 and my sister decided that we should take a peek in our mom’s room to see if she had gotten any for us yet.”
“We didn’t find any presents only everything thing for stocking stuffers.”
“We were pretty poor so in our family Santa brought the stockings not actual gifts. “
“We then understood that Santa was actually our mom and we stopped the whole Santa thing for a while.”
“We eventually did play along for my younger siblings for a few years after they were born.”
“I was 13 when the first was born, yet my little brother was way too smart for his age and realized that Santa wasn’t real by the age of 4 and the Santa magic was ruined for him and he also told the other 2 that he wasn’t real.”
“He would also tell everyone who he thought believed in Santa because little kids have absolutely no filter and he was taught that lying is bad so he didn’t want to lie.”
“This is absolutely true when you think about it, we teach a child as soon as they are able to understand that lies are bad, yet you then turn around and ask them to lie🤷🏼♀️. YTA.” ~ Smart-Story-2142
“YTA. You need to keep the Christmas magic alive by your definition does not negate that another part of Christmas magic is about family.”
“Your willingness to shun your daughter and grandchild over Santa speaks volumes about you and what you think is important in life.” ~ CrocanoirZA
“YTA. I wish you could see my frowning face and double thumbs down.”
“This is just sad.”
“You have a weird attitude toward your older daughter.”
“I’m not sure what it is but I’m picking it up.”
“I get a whiff of ‘I’m gonna do things differently with this set of kids,’ like you get a whole life do-over and she’s the outsider who doesn’t fit the mold.” ~ PugGrumbles
Well, OP, Reddit is not with you here.
There seem to be a lot of ways to navigate this issue.
It’s lovely that you want to keep the magic going as long as possible.
But asking another child to lie about their beliefs is not the route to go.
It’s a time to come together.
Hopefully, you can all make that happen.
Happy Holidays!