The aftermaths of the recent hurricanes will be felt for years to come.
The daily tragedy seen on the news is almost unbearable to watch. Homes have been destroyed, families displaced, entire towns washed away; it’s monumental.
So many people have had to find refuge through the kindness of loved ones.
And some of these living situations have not been ideal.
Redditor Responsible_Ideal900 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my sister and her family that they have to stay somewhere else even though they lost everything?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (30 F[emale]) sister(26 F) lost everything.”
“They live in North Carolina in one of the small towns that were hit.”
“I will not say which one for privacy.”
“Luckily, they were not home when it happened. “
“Instead, they were off in Illinois for my wedding.”
“They have been staying with me for around three weeks now.”
“Both my sister and myself have children.”
“She has a 5 F, 3 F, 1 M.”
“I have a 6-year-old and a 2-year-old who gets into everything.”
“I have absolutely everything locked.”
“Cabinets, door handles, appliances, outlet covers, you name it.”
“This is 100% needed with my toddler.”
“Since day 1 of my sister’s being here, she has been complaining about all of the locks.”
“She thinks they are a pain and will constantly leave everything unlocked just so she doesn’t have to deal with it.”
“My toddler, and hers, have been getting into absolutely everything.”
“It’s dangerous for them, it’s a mess and quite frankly, it sucks.”
“I have tried talking to her about it but now, she’s trying to play the guilt game because she lost everything and we said she could stay here.”
“I get it, it sucks.”
“It’s absolutely devastating to have nothing to go home to.”
“She hasn’t even fully processed it yet, but this is still my home.”
“Yesterday, I reached my absolute limit with it when my toddler got into my cleaning closet.”
“Luckily all he got ahold of was the broom.”
“I admit, I yelled at my sister.”
“She started yelling back about losing everything.”
“I yelled it wasn’t my fault it happened and told her she needed to find somewhere else to stay.”
“I feel awful now.”
“She’s still here while she figures something out but we haven’t said a word to each other since.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. When your sister pulls the ‘we’ve lost everything,’ tell her that her family is all safe, so she should count her blessings.”
“And that your childproofing of your home is to prevent FURTHER loss of harm to what IS most precious… the children.”
“You were kind enough to let her stay in your home, and with young children herself, I’m frankly amazed that she isn’t more concerned with harm coming to them.”
“We had every gadget for cabinets, doors, stairs, faucets, outlets, cords, etc.”
“That is what parents are supposed to do.”
“Tell her that while you feel empathy for them and their situation, you will not put the safety of the children and their well-being at risk.”
“You have nothing to feel sorry or guilty for.”
“It is your home, and she’s not being very respectful or grateful for the help you offered to her family.” ~ Aggressive_Cattle320
“NTA. Obviously, she’s in a terrible predicament, and it would be fair to cut her some slack in general.”
“But what you’re asking her to do is not just a preference.”
“She’s not being kicked out for leaving towels on the floor or opening a new carton of milk before finishing the old one.”
“She is putting your child’s safety at risk.”
“And she gets no slack for that.” ~ OkeyDokey654
“NTA. Your sister is a poor guest and disrespecting your home.”
“She has overstayed her welcome and created an unsafe environment for your family.”
“She has only herself to blame for being asked to leave.” ~ Humble_Pen_7216
“As someone who has a toddler who is also VERY curious about everything (and therefore has everything under the sun locked as well)… All of this.”
“Yeah, it’s not convenient to have to unlock stuff to get to it, but I would a million times rather be slightly irritated by that than absolutely devastated that something happened to my child because I didn’t want to be mildly inconvenienced.”
“There really isn’t even a question.”
“Yes, it sucks she lost everything material.”
“She has her family.”
“Most things can be replaced, people cannot. Full stop.” ~ kaysolike
“I have a toddler who is very much NOT into everything—she is super safety conscious, and the type to complain if she sees a gate unlatched or a child lock unlocked.”
“I STILL yell at the other adults in my house if they leave something open.”
“All it takes for tragedy is one time.”
“OP’s sister is behaving unconscionably. NTA.” ~ Pessimistic-Frog
“I had put up some child-proofing on cabinet doors and such when my daughter was little because I had seen how crazy some toddlers and babies could be when my friend was running a home daycare.”
“But then my daughter was the opposite of that; she never messed with anything, and when I told her something was off limits, she respected it (everything but the cat, that is – thankfully, the cat was basically childproof and never had its claws out no matter what).”
“I took every child-proofing gadget off of everything because they are annoying.”
“I´m the type of person to be very careful, though, and my daughter is the same, so everything is closed or locked as appropriate, and we don´t mess with anything that shouldn´t be messed with.”
“I kind of think that should be focused on more when teaching young children, talking to them about the dangers and not just trusting in the child-proofing stuff.” ~ hervararsaga
“She may have lost everything but that doesn’t mean she can take over your house and live like it’s hers.”
“She’s completely ungrateful and selfish.”
“She thinks she can milk her loss for sympathy so she doesn’t have to follow your rules.”
“She has young kids and should also be concerned about them.”
“She seems like the type that will plan to stay forever, and you’d never get them out.”
“Her entitlement is the issue.”
“You didn’t cause her problems. NTA.” ~ babcock27
“100%. There is no amount of hardship that means you can justifiably act like an ahole in other people’s homes, ESPECIALLY if it’s putting their kids at risk.”
“It truly is not hard to be respectful and just lock things up. That’s not some huge ask.”
“You’ve been a good sister, and if she can’t follow super simple rules for the safety of your family, then she can’t stay there.”
“Unfortunately, that’s just a boundary you have to set, and I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all of this.” ~ Most_Initial4566
“NTA. You’re providing a safe space for both of your families, and your home should still feel like your own.”
“It’s understandable that your sister is going through a rough time, but safety for the kids is non-negotiable.”
“Boundaries are important, especially when it comes to keeping the kids out of harm’s way.”
“You’ve tried to be understanding, but it’s okay to protect your space and sanity, too.”
“Hopefully, with some time and communication, things will settle down.” ~ Old-Soft-7666
“NTA – You provided shelter for her and her family in her time of need, and she has the audacity to complain about how you let her live in your own house?”
“Her losing her own home does not give her the right to criticize where you live and your decisions in your own home, especially after you are granting her shelter.”
“If your house and your rules aren’t good enough for her, maybe she should find someplace else to stay.” ~ puntacana24
“Agree completely. The audacity to b*tch about the accommodations!”
“Either she gets with the program, or she gets out!”
“Does she have insurance coverage for her loss?”
“How long might it take before those benefits help her?”
“Is she employed and contributing to the household expenses?”
“Do all the kids get along?”
“What does your husband think about all this?”
“Where are parents in all of this?”
“Able to help in any way?”
“Lots of questions to be answered.”
“Good luck. NOT AN A.H.” ~ Rare-Parsnip5838
“Honestly, I would be so grateful for a place to stay that I would not be making myself a burden, even if it was my sister’s.”
“I don’t understand some people! NTA.” ~ mnth241
“NTA. I am in N[o] C[ontact].”
“12 days without power, water isn’t even on the horizon.”
“I have loads of empathy here.”
“But this is two different issues.”
“Do you feel sorry for your sister? Yes.”
“Will you tolerate your toddler being poisoned by cleaning products because she’s too stubborn to use the child locks? No.” ~ Auntie-Mam69
“Tragic situation. That said, your sister and her family are guests in your house and need to respect your rules.”
“If she can’t do that and the tension is too great, then she needs to find somewhere more suitable to live.”
“NTA because your rules are quite reasonable, in my opinion, and she purposely chooses to ignore them.” ~ Waste_Worker6122
“NTA. Your child’s safety is at risk.”
“I am so very sorry for your sister, but the current situation is not sustainable.”
“Offer to help her talk to her insurance(s) and start looking for other relief efforts for which she would qualify.”
“But she still needs to get out to a hotel/apartment/other family member.”
“Best wishes to you all.” ~ eowynsheiress
“NTA. She’s out of line.”
“Yes, what happened to their home is terrible, but what you are asking her to do (lock drawers, etc.) has nothing to do with that.”
“It is not that hard to lock a drawer, and it is important for the safety of all of the kids, including hers.”
“She is staying in your house.”
“She should be able to comply with basic stuff like locking a drawer, refusing to do something that minor is pretty rude and disrespectful, and just because something bad happens to you doesn’t give you an excuse to be a jerk about something that is 100% unrelated.”
“That said, I would probably offer her one last chance given the circumstances, I’m sure she’s having a really rough time.”
“But if you do make her leave she 100% brought it on herself.” ~ Tdluxon
“NTA. Frankly, I am astounded at how many times we see folks here who are relying on friends or family for somewhere to stay, due to unfortunate circumstances, and yet can’t be bothered to stick to a few sensible rules and boundaries.” ~ VeryFluffy
“NTA. Yes, she lost material goods.”
“That truly sucks but what if your children had gotten into the bleach or ammonia in that closet.”
“That could’ve had deadly consequences.”
“Your sister’s blatant disregard for the safety of her children and yours is beyond scary.” ~ lisalef
“NTA. I sympathize with her loss, but it doesn’t give her the right to disrespect your home, where you have kindly let her stay.” ~ Possible_Tiger_5125
“She lost everything, but she is putting you in danger of losing your CHILD.”
“She seems to think she can behave however she wants without consequences because she should be pitied. NTA.” ~ ulalumelenore
“NTA, you were willing to house her.”
“You aren’t willing to kill your kid because she doesn’t want to deal with child-proof locks.”
“Talk about biting the hand that feeds you!” ~ No-Locksmith-8590
“NTA. It always amazes me when the person being helped forgets they need the help and starts acting entitled.” ~ RandomReddit9791
Reddit is with you, OP.
You have to put your children’s safety first.
You’re also putting her children’s safety first.
That is a fact she needs to process as well.
What has happened to her is awful.
But that still doesn’t excuse her behavior.
Good luck to you all.