One can never be too sure what a relationship between stepparents and stepchildren is going to be.
After all, stepparents are filling a void left by their stepchild’s natural parent, which doesn’t guarantee acceptance.
Thankfully, with love and support, it is often only a matter of time before a child views their stepparent as one of their real parents.
What gets overlooked more often is whether or not the rest of a stepparent’s family will welcome this new stepchild into their lives.
Redditor Dependent_Tax7341 viewed and treated their stepdaughter as a blood relation.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s mother was less accepting of her daughter’s stepdaughter, choosing to show her disapproval in a very specific way.
Things came to a head at a recent family gathering, where the original poster felt there was only one thing to do.
Wondering if she went too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for leaving my mother’s party after she insulted my daughter?”
The OP explained how she and her mother became seemingly estranged:
“I (36 F[emale]) have a stepdaughter (14 F), ‘Anna’.
‘Her father and I married when Anna was two.”
“I consider her to be my real daughter in every way that matters, and I love her just as much as my biological children.”
“Most of my family adores Anna; she’s a very sweet and hardworking girl who does her best to make them proud.”
“However, my mother (55 F) appears to not.”
“She’s never outright said that she dislikes my daughter or why, but I’ve always thought it’s because Anna wasn’t my biological child.”
“I’ve been teaching Anna to cook for a few years now.”
“She asked me last year if she could start bringing her cooking to family gatherings and potlucks, and of course I agreed.”
“My mother started critiquing Anna’s dishes.”
“It began with just suggesting she add different spices or cook an ingredient a little longer, but over the past few months it’s been getting worse.”
“She doesn’t criticize the dishes of any family members.”
“This Thanksgiving, she told Anna that the casserole she made was disgusting and inedible.”
“I told my mother to stop criticizing Anna and that she was doing her best, but she just brushed me off, which was the final straw.”
“My family was in town this week to celebrate my mother’s birthday.”
“I had some curry that my mother had made about six months ago and given to me to freeze, so I reheated it and brought it to the party and told everyone Anna had worked very hard to make it just like her grandmother always did.”
“Immediately, my mother started criticizing the curry, saying how Anna had added too much spice and overcooked the chicken.”
“She even went so far as to tell Anna that she should stop bringing food to potlucks altogether.”
“I hadn’t originally intended to make a big deal out of this, but that comment crossed a line.”
“I informed my mother that it was her own curry that I had reheated, and Anna had not actually cooked it.”
“She immediately started sputtering and backpedaled, saying she was just trying to give constructive criticism and make Anna a better cook, but I knew she didn’t really believe it.”
“I asked her why she would treat my own stepdaughter so badly, and she admitted that she didn’t see Anna as her real grandchild.”
“This was the final straw for me.”
“I found my husband, Anna, and my other children and told them we had to leave, explaining what my mother said.”
“We probably won’t be attending any family gatherings for the foreseeable future either.”
“My mother has gone full scorched-earth on Facebook, and most family members have taken her side.”
“She says that I ruined her party by leaving and that I destroyed our relationship for someone who isn’t even my ‘real’ child.”
“My husband is on my side, but he thinks that we shouldn’t have left the party since I’d already proven my point.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
There was no doubt in the Reddit community’s mind that the OP was most definitely not the a**Hole for leaving the party.
Everyone agreed that the OP only did what every mother should, which was stand up for and protect her daughter:
“NTA here.”
“You’re not just sticking up for Anna, but you’re protecting her from what amounts to verbal abuse.”
“Plus, you’re drawing a line with your mom that some behavior isn’t acceptable.”
“That’s always a good line to take, especially with parents and in-laws that don’t get the idea that they can’t do whatever they want and treat people like crap with impunity.”- wndrgrl555
“I’m a stepdaughter.”
“My stepmom is just like you.”
“You have no idea what this means to Anna.”
“NTA.”- Low_Permission7278
“NTA.”
“You chose to be Anna’s mother, and you are.”
“You mother is a huge AH attacking her for no reason other than she doesn’t see her as a ‘real’ grandchild.”
“Go very limited contact to no contact with her and anyone else that has an issue.”
“Anna did nothing to deserve all that. Hopefully she keeps cooking and baking and doesn’t let those comments affect her.”- adamhawley
“That’s a horrible thing to say and totally exposed the bullying.”
“Why would you stick around after an insult like that?”
“I would leave too when you are made to feel so unwelcome.”
“Family isn’t just blood.”
“My mother is adopted and she kind of struggles with that to this day (her adoptive and bio mothers are both passed).”
“On my dad’s side, his wife doesn’t really accept me or my brother, so we have no relationship with his wife at all.”
“It’s hard with blended families.”
“Sorry no magic answers, but NTA.”- BJL123
“NTA.”
“You did the right thing standing up for Anna.”
“It’s super important to support your kids, bio or not, especially when someone’s being unfairly critical.”
“Your mom needs to understand that family isn’t just about blood relations, it’s about love and support.”
“Hopefully, she’ll realize her mistake and make amends.”
“Until then, you’re totally justified in protecting Anna from that negativity.”- KateSweetiepuss
“NTA.”
“I do think your husband is the a**hole for wanting to stay when someone is so clearly rude and excluding yours and his daughter.”- Tiny_Knowledge2752
“NTA.”
“Protect your family.”
“Go NC with anyone that doesn’t respect you.”
“Toxic people suck.”- PlantManMD
“NTA.”
“If your mother is prepared to treat a young person like that is best to keep all the children away, she’s a nasty mess.”- Acceptable_Bunch_586
“NTA.”
“Screw that cold, bitter woman.”
“She’s trying to abuse that poor kid, and you’re being the stepmom that every Disney princess needs.”
“5/5 stars for you.”- ThickboyBrilliant
“NTA.”
“This was always going to escalate to this point, be it now or in the future.”
“Your test proved to you exactly what has been happening the whole time – your mother holds a bitter grudge against a child.”
“Think about that – she’s being unreasonable to a child bc that child has your love and support but not your DNA?”
“It’s ridiculous.”
“Your husband is under-reacting; he should be putting his wife and daughters’ peace of mind ahead of keeping his MIL happy.”
“You made a decision to leave for valid reasons.”- Tree_Chemistry_Plz
“NTA.”
“You’re Anna’s mother by choice.”
“Like all good mothers, you stood up for your child.”
“Hubby is wrong that you’d made your point.”
“Your mother doesn’t see Anna as family, so why should you stay and subject Anna to this?”
“Ask Anna if she’s grateful you stood up for her.”
“If this had been a one-off, perhaps leaving would be premature, but your mother has been bullying your daughter for what sounds like years.”- KookyChoice4000
“NTA you did good for Anna standing up for her like that.”
“You’re definitely a great mother.”
“Some people seem to think that blood is more important than love when it comes to family, and that’s just sad, to say the least.”
“You and Anna did not spoil anything. Your mother did it herself.”
“I bet she didn’t even taste the curry before saying such awful things.”
“And if she did, then she’s made herself her own critic.”
“I think you should go NC with your mother for a while and all those who side with her.”
“No gathering is worth being around toxic people.”- MusicalBlossom379
“NTA.”
“It’s crazy that there’s grown a** adults out there that have beef with literal children.”- Snackdoc189
It’s rather hard to fathom how any adult would treat any child the way the OP’s mother treated Anna.
Let alone that her mother would treat a family member that way.
The OP’s mother should know that blood relations do not define a family.
Based on her behavior, Anna seems to be a truer family member than the OP’s mother can ever hope to be.