How far would you go to help out an in-law in a compromising position?
Apparently, for one guy, it wasn’t far enough when he was witness to a very unfortunate situation while he and his wife visited his sister-in-law’s house.
Wracked with guilt after facing criticism, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and sought judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor throwaway_maybestay asked:
“AITA for not cleaning my sister in law after she got sick drunk.”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Between Christmas and New Years, me (43 m[ale]) and my wife (43 f[female]) went to hang out and drink at my sister in laws (32 f[female]) house while her husband (wife’s brother) and son went away for a few nights.”
“Basically a normal night, my wife and I went over to keep my sil company. Played board games, drank etc…. My sil is very proper, fashionable, basic white girl. Maybe 5’2 and 100lbs.”
The OP continued:
“Anyhoo, we’re in the living room, my wife passes out on the couch so we decide to call it a night sleeping on the couch. My sil gets up to go to bed, a little wobbly but she goes into the bathroom and shuts the door.”
“I play on my phone for about 45 minutes, and I notice she’s still in the bathroom. So I knock on the door with no response, I knock a few more times then open the door to look in.”
“She’s a naked pooper, she passed out while pooping apparently and fell off the toilet onto the floor. Somewhere in all that, she puked all over herself.”
“So I’m left with a completely naked woman covered in puke, poop and pee. I try to wake my wife up but she’s out cold, I try to wake my sil up but she’s out cold.”
The OP did what he could at the moment to assuage the messy situation.
“So I grab a bunch of towels, just do a quick clean up. Got the heavy stuff off of her, cleaned up the floor, and made her a bed of towels so she didn’t have to sleep on the cold tile, propped her head on a folded towel as a pillow, and used a giant fluffy towel as a blanket.”
“Here’s why I’m told I’m an a**hole. She was mad I let her lay in poop/puke all night. I should have picked her up and put her in the tub and bathed her.”
“She was passed out drunk, I didn’t think she wanted me touching her intimate areas. Where she replied, I have a wife and daughter, I’ve seen a vagina before, and I’ve changed my daughter’s diapers/baths, so I know how to clean a vagina/butt/breast.”
“She’s only 100lbs so it would have been easy for me. My wife sides with me, but the other women say that I should have cleaned her better. So am I an a**hole? Would you want someone touching you while you’re passed out?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“Speaking as a woman, NTA. No freaking way. Could you imagine the implications if you’d bathed a semi comatose woman on your own? The flack you’re getting for this is nothing compared to the alternative trouble and risk.”
“Never mind what your sil says… your own and your wifes opinions are the only one that matters…. heck your relationship could be in jeopardy if you’d bathed her.” – chazza79
“INFO: Is this woman obsessed with 50 Shades of Grey? Are we romanticizing the careful bathing of incapacitated women? Because gross. Gross. Inappropriate. Liability out the wazoo. Technically could be charged with assault, one would think. Just no.”
“Honestly OP you’re a goddam hero for what you did do. In no way, shape or form were you obligated to even touch another person’s bodily excretions to the extent you did, especially in her naked state.”
“She’s only lashing out because she’s appropriately ashamed of herself. At her level of blackout drunk she’s lucky you didn’t call medics to deal with her.”
“EDIT: I have one more thought. Let’s say you did clean her up. And her bathroom. And even wash her foul towels. So what…. She wakes up the next day, fresh as a daisy smelling like soap in clothes she doesn’t remember putting on?”
“Maybe with vague impressions of you bathing her while she was blackout drunk? And what, you try to explain all of what she did that led to your actions, but there’s no evidence left and no witnesses? F’k no.” – vwscienceandart
“NEXT TIME CALL AN AMBULANCE AND LET THEM AND THE HOSPITAL DEAL WITH HER INEBRIATED AND UNCONSCIOUS STATE. HER SITUATION WAS QUITE DANGEROUS.”
“ALSO, THEY DEAL WITH PUKE PEE AND POOP ALL THE TIME SO CLEANING HER UP WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN AN ISSUE.” – AgateCatCreations076
“People don’t realize how dangerous blackout puking can be. I once had to put my ex to bed while blackout drunk, and I just happened to think to put him in the closest thing to the recovery position I could (on his side, with legs twisted/crossed) given that he was much larger than me.”
“An hour later, and I’m on the couch chilling (sober, mind you), and I hear weird sounds from the bedroom.”
“Sure enough, he is still completely unconscious but also puking. And he was normally a back sleeper… That coulda been the end for him.” – p0psicle
“I’m a woman who personally would have been okay with you bathing me in that situation, but I still 100% agree with the lady you’re replying to because that situation absolutely could have put you at risk for serious consequences had you bathed her while she was unconscious, especially if she had woken up with you cleaning her private areas.”
“What I personally would be okay with isn’t something everyone else would be okay with, so being cautious is always a good idea because you can adjust how you’ll handle a situation in the future, but you can’t change past actions.”
“Besides, changing a baby girl’s diaper is 100% different than bathing an adult woman’s private parts so even if you were comfortable doing so, you might not have had the correct knowledge of how to properly clean an adult woman without potentially causing issues, especially if she doesn’t shave off all of the hair down there, when there’s a mess like you’ve described/implied and I’m saying that as someone who’s female and have helped change my cousin’s diapers in addition to having to clean myself up when I’ve had pee puke and/or poop either end up on me via a child or pet or I had an accident or puked on myself.” – queenannabee98
“I was nearly that bad once and on a trip with only guys. They had the sense to dig through my bag and find a bikini to cover my private bits. Then they threw me in the bathtub, and one used the showerhead to hose me down while the other held my head up so I didn’t drown and my hair stayed dry. They found rugs for me to lay on and brought them in there too.”
“I woke up on the bathroom floor cocooned in towels, wearing a wet bikini and one of their backpacks. They left me a bottle of water bottle, a clean change of clothes, and my toothbrush and toothpaste. I’d say that was the ideal way for anyone to handle that situation lol. The toothbrush and clean clothes were really thoughtful.”
“(For anyone wondering: if you’re going to leave an incoherent drunk person alone, always leave them in a position that would prevent them from aspirating and suffocating on their own vomit. Laying on back with head propped up is DANGEROUS. Easiest way to prevent that is to put a backpack on them and fill it with stuff. Don’t give them a pillow for their head.)” – TAforScranton
“I’m sorry, what? Your SIL, who is in her 30s, is MAD AT YOU for not giving her a thorough middle-of-the-night bath after she got sloppy drunk? Her rationale is that because you’ve changed your daughter’s diapers that you should be comfortable cleaning a woman’s naked body? WHAT?”
“Just, no. You are SO NTA, you were kind and considerate for what you did do, it’s more than many would. She needs to look long and hard at herself because that expectation is BOGUS to like insane levels.”
“I’m sure it was gross for her. Maybe she even invited infection for herself, which is unfortunate. But dude, not your job. This is all on her. I would not feel comfortable even drinking with her again because a) she can’t handle herself, b) it sounds like she puts herself in danger, and c) she expects you to go to crazy levels to help. Just no.” – owls_and_cardinals
Overall, Redditors full-stop agreed that what the OP did for the SIL was good enough.
They also thought that in the situation dealing with an unconscious person to such a degree, notifying emergency instead of taking matters into his own hands might’ve been the best option.