It is the top priority of all divorced parents to make sure their children are healthy and well cared for.
However, after getting divorced, some parents might choose to implement some parenting decisions that their former spouses previously didn’t approve of.
Most of the time, this proves not to be much of an issue, after all, as the saying goes, “their house their rules”.
Others, however, believe that even when living apart, all major parenting decisions should still be made together.
So when one parent makes a decision regarding their child without consulting the other first, it does not go over well.
Redditor ThrowRA-Vegan876 initially partook in one of their ex-wife’s lifestyle choices and agreed to raise their three children this way.
Following their divorce, however, the original poster (OP) slowly stopped living this way.
When he eventually began allowing their children to break away from this lifestyle as well, the OP’s ex-wife made her displeasure with this decision fully apparent.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for breaking my children’s vegan diet imposed on them by my ex?”
The OP explained why their ex-wife was furious with a recent parenting decision made without them:
“I was with my ex ‘Venus’ for over 10 years, from when I was 15 until I was almost 26.”
“I am currently 31.”
“Venus was raised a vegan and has never (to my knowledge) eaten meat or any animal product.”
“While we were together, we had 3 boys, “Mercury’ (11, M[ale]), ‘Jupiter’, (9, M[ale]), and ‘Mars’ (7, M[ale]).”
“When I first got into the relationship with Venus, I started to follow the vegan diet because she wanted me to, and I’ve mostly followed it even after we broke up, mainly out of habit.”
“During this time, I had to be very careful with what I ate to ensure I got the proper nutrients, and my food bill every month was sky-high.”
“I also had a lot of issues with depression and anxiety.”
“About 3 months ago, I slowly started to reintroduce meat into my diet, and since then, I’ve felt so much better.”
“I haven’t had to buy loads of vitamins or carefully plan my diet to ensure I got every amino acid or avoided deficiencies, and my food bill dropped.”
“I also started doing research into kids who are raised vegan and found some things that made me nervous.”
“I read that vegan kids can sometimes be shorter and might need supplements for things like B12, calcium, and iron if they aren’t getting everything they need from their diet.”
“None of my boys have started puberty yet, which might be okay, but since I hit puberty at around 9, it got me worried about Mercury.”
“They’re also all in about the 5th-15th percentile for height and weight, which made me want to check in with the doctor, which also made me very concerned after I learnt that their vegan diet could have impacted this.”
“I was never a short kid, but idk I think I just assumed they were just short for their age.”
“When I brought my concerns to our GP, he recommended introducing meat and animal products into their diets first to see if it would help with growth before considering other options.”
“So, following that advice, 6 weeks ago I decided to slowly introduce animal products into their diets whenever they had their time with me, but it has been slow.”
“I don’t want to introduce it too fast and I gave them the choice with all the information I had and with what the doctor said.”
“I informed Venus about this and she was furious with me, saying how I’m just doing it to be vindictive to her, when I’m not.”
“And that if I don’t stop she is going to go back to family court and get the Child Arrangements Order changed so she has full custody of the boys and I only get visitation.”
“I told her that this was recommended by their GP and she said I had ‘no right in going to the GP without her’, when that is not true, it was during my time with them I am entitled to do whatever I want.”
“She’s calling me cruel and she’s been telling our boys that they should refuse to eat any animal products and to say I’m forcing them.”
“When this isn’t true and every time they’ve been over they’ve loved trying new foods like real milk, eggs, etc.”
“some they don’t like which is fair.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
With some exceptions, the Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for feeding their children meat.
Some agreed that the OP was merely thinking of the health and well-being of his children, which their ex-wife should not only have accepted but appreciated.
“‘She said I had ‘no right in going to the GP without her’.”
“I’m curious if she involves you in all medical visits during her time.”
“‘Right’ implies a legal issue, what does your custody agreement say about medical stuff?”
“NTA.”
“I’d recommend getting medical documentation for the inevitable custody battle that’s coming your way.”
“It’s weird af that only she gets to decide their diet and I really can’t see any court enforcing her diet onto others.”- Remote-Passenger7880
“I don’t know where you live, but you might want to check on your custody agreement, and see what options you have.”
‘It could be useful to get a full blood panel done on the kids.”
“Yes, you have to be really deliberate about getting everything you need if you’re vegan.”
“It’s possible, but complicated.”
“And eating meat doesn’t guarantee you’re getting everything either.”
‘It would be good to know whether the kids have deficiencies.”
“NTA.”- hubertburnette
“NTA.”
“They’re your children too.”
“You’re doing it in consultation with a medical professional and allowing your children to choose.”- PerhapsTheFinalOne
“NTA.”
“She’s off her rocker if she thinks a judge will grant her full custody to feed her underweight children a vegan diet against the advice of their pediatrician.”
“No judge will force a family to adhere to one parent’s diet on the other parent’s time UNLESS there are serious medical issues involved.”
“Choose to be vegan- as an adult, with the finances and ability to ensure you’re getting a balanced diet.”
“It is extremely hard to feed growing and pubescent kids a vegan diet alone.”
“It IS expensive, it IS difficult to ensure all needs are met, and it IS actually just as costly environmentally when you consider the amount of global shipping and third world poverty of food/spice items that are not local.”
“The HEALTHIEST for the environment is to eat a completely local diet like indigenous people all around the world do.”
‘The HEALTHIEST diet for a human is what works with their body.”
“Diet is not a one size fits all and she’s damaging her kids by her attitude.”
“Keep the receipts!”
“Track their diet and their growth.”
“Get bloodwork done and add in thyroid and vitamin D which are usually separate lab tests.”
“Keep track of their energy levels and how they’re feeling.”- Jmfroggie
Others, however felt that this was a major parenting decision the OP should have consulted their ex about, even if his intentions were honorable.
“I have to go with YTA, not because you want to give your kids meat, but because you got a pretty serious diagnosis and large lifestyle change recommendations from a doctor and decided to implement them on your own.”
“Were you really just planning on sneaking them meat every other week when you had them in your custody?”
“As you know you shouldn’t just shove a bunch of meat at someone who has been eating vegan as that can cause problems too.”
“And this shouldn’t be a one parent only treatment.”
“You should have talked with yer ex immediately and if she was super resistant then you get the lawyer involved with the doctors recommendations.”- xela2004
“There are cultures in Asia living for generations from vegetarian and vegan diets but thank God most Reddit users know better and most specialists in nutrition.”
“Some doctors like veganism, some dislike it, but it seems to me this is not the best way to manage kids core education.”
“You both need to agree on this because you’ll have many topics like this in the future.”
“YTA.”- Negative_Comfort6848
It seems clear that the OP was putting the health and safety of his children first and foremost.
However, doing it without speaking to his wife first may have been a mistake.
As had they both spoken to the doctor about this matter, the OP’s wife may have gone on board.
As at the end of the day, all parents care about is that their children are safe and healthy, and will do whatever it takes to ensure things stay that way.