No one likes to be the bearer of bad news.
Sadly, it’s a job we all must have every now and then.
Some bad news isn’t so terrible to share, as there is little doubt that the recipient will recover from it quickly or even forget all about it in a short matter of time.
However, sometimes, we need to share bad news that we know will remain in the recipients’ minds, as well as our own, for a very long time.
Perhaps the most significant challenge of delivering bad news is figuring out when to do it.
Redditor Ok_Palpitation7897 recently received some heartbreaking news.
However, the original poster (OP) decided to hold off on sharing the news with their daughter, fearing it would spoil what was meant to be a joyous occasion for her.
While the OP’s daughter was appreciative of their decision, several other members of her family made no effort to hide their shock and displeasure at their doing so.
Fearing they may have made a grave mistake, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not telling my daughter, who was on her honeymoon, that her grandmother passed away?”
The OP explained why they upset members of their family by withholding news from their daughter:
“My daughter got married last month.”
“While she was on her honeymoon, my mom passed away.”
“It wasn’t sudden or unexpected.”
“We all knew it was coming.”
“My daughter actually changed her wedding plans so my mom could attend.”
“Some of my relatives have been giving me sh*t for not informing my daughter until she got back.”
“Some even tried to get hold of them to tell her.”
“My daughter is thankful that I didn’t tell her and her husband is on my side.”
“My brother and his kids think I’m an a**hole for not telling her when it happened.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for waiting till their daughter came back from her honeymoon to tell her about her grandmother’s death.
Just about everyone agreed that as the OP’s daughter expressly told them that she was grateful they waited to tell her, that there was nothing to worry about. Others pointed out that there was never going to be a “good moment” as it were to share this news with anyone:
“NTA.”
“Been in your daughter’s place.”
“I was closer to my grandma than to my mom.”
“I’d been living in another country for a year.”
“When my grandma died I was in London –a trip that I’d been saving up for, constantly talking about, and super excited about for months.”
“My grandma died of a very aggressive (or very advanced) cancer (they found out and she died 2 weeks later).”
“I was told when I returned from my trip.”
“Part of me is super sad that I didn’t get to say goodbye to her.”
“I didn’t get to be with her and love her when she left.”
“But I understand why my family didn’t tell me.”
“They probably knew I’d cancel my trip and fly back home, but they didn’t want me to miss out on it.”
“I’m ok with it because there is no right answer.”
“And because they decided out of love.”- redditeamos
“NTA.”
“If your daughter has told you herself that she’s glad you didn’t inform her until after her honeymoon than no you aren’t an AH.”
“Your relatives’ opinions don’t matter in this situation, so ignore them.”
“Anyone with common sense would realize you waited to tell your daughter, because you didn’t want to ruin her honeymoon. If your relatives can’t understand that, then that’s their problem.”- TheArcticWolf17
“NTA.”
“‘My daughter is thankful that I didn’t tell her, and her husband is on my side’.”
“Your daughter’s opinion is the one that matters.”
“‘My brother and his kids think I’m an a**hole for not telling her when it happened’.”
“Your brother and his kids are wayyyyyyyy out of line.”- Comfortable-Sea-2454
“NTA.”
“And I’d be willing to bet your mom would say the same.”
“Your daughter gave your mom the gift of moving her wedding; you gave your daughter the gift of starting her marriage in peace and happiness.”
“I’m sorry about your mom.”- MaIngallsisaracist
“NTA.”
“It’s was tough situation for you.”
“You acted with your daughter’s best interest in mind, and according to her expression of gratitude for your choice, you did the right thing.”
“Everyone else’s opinion doesn’t matter.”
“My parents also kept the news about my grandpa being in bad shape for a few hours until I got off work.”
“They thought there was nothing for me to do, and a few hours were not going to change it.”
“They were right and I understood.”
“We actually had a conversation about what news at which timing I would like to get after that.”
“She knew her grandma would possibly not make it.”
“She probably already said bye?”
“Knowing earlier would’ve tainted her honeymoon.”
“I think you did the kind thing for her.”
“Had she expressed disagreement on this, you’d have to apologize, but you’d still not be an AH in my eyes.”- Zoe2805
“NTA.”
“Ruining honeymoon would not have changed any outcomes.”
“Her last memories of her grandmother are happy (wedding).”- Kham117
“NTA.”
“You correctly anticipated what your daughter would want, and she told you that you had made the right decision.”
“Nobody else gets to have an opinion on this!”
“I’m very sorry for your loss.”- KateCapella
“NTA.”
“My uncle passed away due to an auto accident while my cousin was overseas for an extended club soccer clinic and tournament.”
“My aunt elected not to tell him and hold off the funeral for 5 days * until he got back.”
“My Mom (his godmother) drove my aunt to the airport, and she told him there, so no one else in the house (his siblings) had to pretend things were normal.”
“My cousin still has great memories of the trip and keeps in touch with a few people he played with while there.”
“He thanked his Mom after the funeral for waiting to tell him, as everything on the trip would have been changed with that knowledge.”- That_Old_Cat
“A comet could be barreling toward Earth, and I wouldn’t want to call someone on their honeymoon.”
“NTA, that is you being a good dad.”- Overall_Search_3207
“NTA.”
“Something like this happened on my honeymoon.”
“It was very hard hearing, and I had to find a secluded spot to cry at a place where people are generally happy.”
“So I would have appreciated my family waiting to call me.”- blackraz
“NTA.”
“This wasn’t a sudden event, and your daughter moved her wedding so your mom could attend.”
“Telling your daughter would not have changed the fact that your mom passed, and letting her enjoy the honeymoon in peace was a blessing that your daughter was thankful for, and I am sure your mom would have wanted that as well (I know I would).”
“It really doesn’t matter what your brother and his kids think, they are out of line.”-Several_Essay_7028
“NTA.”
“When I was 18, I had a trip planned to Mexico to build houses.”
“My grandma was in the hospital (cancer) and nearly died, but was trending up. 2 days before I was supposed to leave, my dad ended up in the hospital.”
“Because he’s a stubborn dude, and wouldn’t go to the hospital earlier bc he didn’t wanna ruin the fishing trip for his buddies.”
“He had blood clots in his lungs.”
“My mom, dad, and I had a discussion.”
“The trip was important. And we loved each other.”
“But there was nothing I could do to help any of them. “
“There was plenty of family to sit with both.”
“Plenty of family to help with my little sister.”
“We decided I’d go.”
“And if anything happened to either of them, I wouldn’t be told til I got back.”
“There’d be no getting me home early (we were taking a big charter bus) so what’s the point?”
“If they’re dead, they’re dead.”
“Me rushing home wouldn’t bring them back.”
“Midweek I got a call (while I was on the roof) that they both recovered and would be home before I was.”
“I feel like, an expected death like this, there’s no reason to interrupt.”
“Would grandma have wanted their honeymoon messed up?”
“Very unlikely.”
“Did you wait to have the funeral til they were back?”
“I’m gonna assume so.”
“This feels like his grief is in the way of his empathy right now.”
“Which is understandable.”
“Along with maybe some fear that you’d use your judgment not to tell him things right away in the future.”
“Maybe some reassurance that you understand that he’s a different person than your daughter, and you understand that he’d want the information immediately?”- hawtblondemom
Learning that her grandmother died was probably the last news that the OP’s daughter wanted to come home to.
However, it was also the last news she probably wanted to learn while on her honeymoon, as all it would have done was dampen her post-nuptial celebrations.
If the rest of the OP’s family disagrees with their decision, that’s their right.
Ultimately, the only opinion that matters is that of the OP’s daughter, who made her opinion crystal clear.