Every couple has separate chores.
That’s only fair.
One partner may have more agreed upon chores than the other.
So somethings aren’t always going to get immediate attention.
And that may cause some over the top reactions.
Case in point…
Redditor throwRa6546009 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for calling my husband insane for missing work just to teach me a lesson because I didn’t iron his uniform?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Days ago. I (S[tay] A[t] H[ome] M[om])with 3 was in the midst of doing laundry when my husband (breadwinner, works as a pilot) asked if I could iron his uniform before his shift.”
“I didn’t say ‘yes’ because I was busy (laundry then kids homework then cooking etc..)”
“I said I may not find the time to do it.”
“He turned around and walked away completely ignoring what I was saying.”
“An hour later, he came downstairs freaking out asking why I didn’t iron his uniform when he asked me to.”
“I told him I was busy and reminded him of how I didn’t say yes to his request.”
“He blew up saying that I obviously don’t care about him displaying ‘professionalism’ at work”
“Um… it’s just a uniform?”
“It’s not like it was dirty, it just needed some ironing.”
“He lectured me about how his work is important and although I’m a SAHM I still should make his job a priority.”
“He decided to miss his shift as a way to ‘teach me a lesson’ and show me how my lack of cooperation and my refusal to help him out could affect the money that keeps coming in.”
“I called him insane for missing the shift.”
“And he got offended and called me a hypocrite for calling him insane and acting all surprised when it was me who caused this situation to happen.”
“I mean I could have taken some time off doing my chores to iron his uniform, but still thought his reaction was a bit much.”
“For those asking why he didn’t iron the uniform himself?”
“Because I’m the one who usually does the ironing and he said it’s ‘on the list’ of my house chores list which’s true.”
“But I don’t give it priority like other chores like homework or laundry.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Offer to call his boss to personally apologize and explain why he missed his shift.”
“He didn’t go to work to teach you a lesson for not ironing his uniform.” ~ TermsNcond
“What a child. These ironclad divisions of household duties are silly.”
“Wife was busy so he should have done it himself.”
“I have no time for people like that.” ~ Lazy_Somewhere_5737
“Well since he’s home he can spend some time looking after the kids, maybe do some laundry while she goes to the spa for a couple of hours for a massage.” ~ SellQuick
“Yesss!! I love this idea!!”
“OP needs to say, ‘well honey that’s awesome you’re home then! This, this, and this needs to get done and you can help with it instead!!'”
“Unfortunately, it sounds like the husband would never lift a finger to help OP.”
“But that shows how awful he is at pulling his own weight at home.”
“It just makes me sad for OP that her husband doesn’t see her as an equal partner but a type of maid!!”
“It’s gross that he has the audacity to say he’s ‘teaching her a lesson!'”
“She’s not his child and if anything, the husband is the one that needs to be taught a lesson!” ~ LilBit1207
“My mom was a SAHM for most of my childhood.”
“My dad refused to watch us kids one time when my mom had to go to the laundromat – he didn’t have a conflict; he just didn’t want to.”
“My mom was like ‘fine, I just won’t be doing your laundry then.'”
“She never washed his clothes again. Ever.”
“This happened when I was like 4 or 5.”
“I’m 36 and my mom has never washed my dad’s clothes since then.” ~ roseofjuly
“Totally love this, but definitely could see behavior like this leading to him losing his job as a pilot.”
“He is petty enough to risk his family’s well-being over an ironed shirt.”
“I’m not sure how comfortable I would feel with my life in the hands of someone that petty.” ~ OriginalBrand
“In my opinion, it was not over an ironed shirt nor was it petty – it was about domination.”
“He was showing her that when he demands her to do something, she HAS to… never mind how small it seems to be.”
“Because it’s not about the thing, it’s about her being obedient.”
“She doesn’t get a ‘no,’ refusing is simply not an option.”
“She must be obedient always or the consequences will be severe.”
“This is terror.” ~ LadyKlepsydra
“This! The fact that he refused to iron his own uniform when OP said she might not have time and then skipped his shift because OP didn’t listen to him.”
“It’s all a game of domination to him. He wants obedience, not an ironed uniform.” ~ PenPineappleAppleInk
“I was hoping someone else picked up on the abusive nature of this incident.”
“Dominance like this shouldn’t exist unless there is an accepted D[om]/S[ub relationship and contract established.”
“Otherwise he’s just being a jacka**. NTA.” ~ kaett
“Definitely could see behavior like this leading to him losing his job as a pilot.”
“Absolutely. I worked in aviation for a while, and a pilot just ‘missing their shift’ with no notice on the day of is a big deal.”
“It’s a big deal for any job sure, but pilots are expected to have crazy schedules that come before everything else in their life.”
“And the field is very competitive, which is part of why pilots have to eat sh*t and lick boots for their employer a lot of the time.”
“There was a pilot at my company who lost his job because he refused to do a flight.”
“And he had a way more valid reason (it was an extremely dangerous flight plan and he didn’t feel comfortable flying it).”
“He was replaced pretty much immediately.”
“Small aviation companies can find pilots so easily because everyone wants to get enough flight hours to fly commercial.”
“And once you get commercial, hoo boy just try pulling this on a major airline where your ‘missed shift’ causes hundreds of planes to delay and reroute.”
“And disrupts tens of thousands of people’s schedules and results in revenue loss for airlines across the board… yeah no.”
“NTA obviously, the husband is a manipulative a**hole to put any of this on his wife.”
“And he’s not good at it either.”
“He’s gonna self-destruct in an ugly way.”
“Hope she gets alimony before he tanks his career.” ~ Maxwells_Demona
“No partner should ever be ‘teaching’ their spouse ‘a lesson.'”
“The only people I’ve ever heard use that language to their spouse are abusive and controlling.”
“NTA. But OP, you should look up a checklist of what abuse looks like.” ~ LimitlessMegan
“For me, anytime an adult says they are/want to ‘teach a lesson’ to another adult is a massive red flag and just cause to distance yourself away from them, if not to leave all together.”
“It betrays a manipulative mindset where they think they have the right to try and control other people’s actions. NTA.” ~ Sabatiea
“‘Attention passengers of Flight 123XYZ, unfortunately, your flight has been canceled because your pilot – while perfectly capable of operating a highly complex 450-ton machine – was not able to iron his work shirt.'”
“‘And therefore had to stay home to sulk.'”
“‘Our sincere apologies for the inconvenience.'” ~kitty_meouw
“OP’s husband sounds like the type to financially abuse and punish OP for any imaginary transgression.”
“Does he get violent with you OP? Yell a lot?”
“Yell at the kids? Has he been a good husband and father?” ~ Rohini_rambles
“You are NTA.”
“I’m the breadwinner and my spouse is SAHM.”
“Yes, my job needs to be a high family priority because I’m the only person bringing in income that the whole family depends on.”
“No, it doesn’t mean I need or deserve to be waited on.”
“Being financially dependent on someone requires a whole lot of trust and your husband does not sound like someone who you should be trusting in that way.”
“The fact that he would intentionally sabotage your finances in order to teach you a lesson is a classic example of financial control and his insistence that you drop everything and iron his uniform is toxic male privilege.”
“This is not a healthy relationship and without your own source of income, you are making it easier for him to control you.” ~ CK1277
“Holy sh*t. Run like HELL, OP!”
“This is a disaster waiting to happen!”
“Your husband is a manipulative narcissist!”
“He’s gonna get reprimanded or even fired and will blame you for it?! NTA.”
“Get rid of him.”
“He’ll start to become more and more controlling as time progresses.” ~ DynkoFromTheNorth
Well OP, Reddit is with you and concerned.
It may be time for some couples therapy and a serious, safe chat with a mediator.
Stay vigilant.
Good luck.