The duration of a honeymoon phase varies from relationship to relationship.
When a couple confronts an obstacle in their relationship, how they overcome it could be the defining moment that could either make or break their future together.
That reality sunk in sooner than expected for Redditor throwaway6644227 – a woman who hit an early snag in her relationship with her boyfriend who immigrated to her home country.
After an argument over financial priorities, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for refusing to loan my boyfriend $5000?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained why she withheld the money from him and she revealed what a portion of her savings was allocated for.
“My boyfriend and I have been dating for about three months. We both love each other very much and I see a future with him.”
“He immigrated to my home country about three years ago and is on a student visa, meaning that he has to pay exorbitant visa fees and full-fee student fees.”
“His parents do not financially support him. I’ve always admired and respected his ambitions.”
“He was recently talking to me about money problems, and basically asked if I could loan him $5000.”
“I’m extremely protective over my money as I work/study 24/7 to maintain my savings.”
“Furthermore, my dad is planning to soon retire from the workforce after a heart attack, so I like having my savings as security knowing that I could financially support him if needed.”
“My boyfriend knows that I have about $55k saved up and he also knows that I don’t pay too many living expenses besides fuel, groceries, and a phone bill.”
“I told him that I wasn’t comfortable loaning him money this early in the relationship. He then flipped the conversation on me, getting angry at me because I’m planning on getting a breast augmentation which will cost me ~$10k next year.”
“He called me selfish for spending money on my body rather than him.”
“AITA?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Most Redditors saw red flags in their relationship and definitely believed the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA.You’ve only been together three months and he feels entitled to your money.”
“That’s a huge red flag. Don’t give in to his pressure- he’ll only make more and more demands.” – Sleepy_felines
“What would he have done if he had not met you?”
“NTA, he is a scammer.” – reeserodgers59
“Emotional blackmail- another red flag.”
“It’s not your responsibility to pay his bills.”
“He knew what his expenses were before coming here. What was his plan if he didn’t start a relationship with someone with a decent amount of savings?”
“Do not give this man money. Do not lend him money, because he wouldn’t pay it back, and he would expect more.” – Sleepy_felines
“As someone who moved to a different country, on her own, supported herself, and had a student visa – he is bullsh**ting you.”
“There is more to it than just paying tuition. He would not be getting deported solely on unpaid tuition (and btw unless he’s at a super cheap community college) $5K wouldn’t even come close to paying 1 semester of classes.”
“My guess is that he would be using the money on something else (perhaps rent\bills so he can stay in the country longer) and 100% in a few months time, or less, he will be hitting you up for just as much …if not more.”
“There are SO many red flags, please cut and run.”
“Oh and btw …him calling you selfish for spending your hard earned money on yourself is a massive red flag itself and should have resulted in you telling him to go f’k himself!!”
“Feel free to message me if you have other questions.”
“Kick him to the curb, you deserve far better.” – SarkyCat
“He should of saved up enough to support himself. You need to really, really think about staying with him.”
“Nobody and I mean nobody would ask for such a large sum of money after 3 months, I feel guilty if someone treats me to say a nice dinner or shoes or something, I’m appreciative and it’s always reciprocated.”
“Absolutely no rational person would even ask for such a large sum of money and what makes it worse is he got mad over it. Bear that in mind, he got emotionally angry with you for you not borrowing a large sum of your own money to him. 3 months into a relationship.”
“Run, run for the hills.”
“Also if he gets deported due to not paying his own debt, that his problem. Bye Felicia.” – Communist_Ninja
“NTA. Is it selfish you want breast augmentation? Not if you’ve saved up for it with you own goddamn money. Well done for being financially savvy.”
“I would say it’s selfish he wants 5k. That’s no small sum and he can frankly suck it. 3 months is not a long time and it is BOLD to expect you to support him with your savings.” – MorefromtheBBC
“NTA!!!! This should be a warning. He’s trying to guilt you because you don’t want to give him your money. I would run for the hills because this seems very fishy to me.” – BlackberryMaterial33
In response to the above comment, the OP replied:
“I know i’m really glad everyone replying is on the same page. i just think it’s so confusing because i grew up in a very poor area and attended public school.”
“Nobody would ever guess that i had solid savings. when we first started dating he would pay for everything. how did he know he could use me?”
Redditor BlackberryMaterial133 responded by maintaining the boyfriend was still someone not to be trusted.
“Thanks for some more context. Well regardless if he knew or not, trying to guilt you into loaning him your money is still fishy to me.”
“You can do whatever you want with your money, heck you can even burn it if you want to because it’s yours.”
“So for him saying you’re selfish just doesn’t sit right with me. How are you selfish to decide what you want to do with your money?”
Overall, Redditors believed this man was suspicious and not boyfriend material based on his negative reaction to being denied the sizeable loan.