Making sure you don’t accidentally poison your guests is just part of being a good host. But, giving them food they’re allergic to is more than just being a “bad host.”
Redditor XAARYEOUS encountered this very issue with their friend. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for not eating?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So, I had just moved to PARIS after living in Asia for almost a decade and was trying to adjust to the social norms of French people.”
“A woman who had helped us get an apartment invited us to her dinner party Saturday.”
“She called me the day before to ask about what I eat and don’t eat. I responded that I was very lactose intolerant and was allergic to pork.”
“She says, you do eat fish though? I said, as long as it doesn’t have cow dairy and pork, anything is fine.”
“Come Saturday, my husband and I arrive at the dinner party starving and she proudly announced that she had made a French dish for me to try out ‘tartiflette’ I stare at her dumbfounded.”
It was everything OP couldn’t eat.
“Tartiflette is a ton of bacon in cow cream and lots of cow cheese with potatoes.”
“So, politely declined to have dinner and just drunk some juice and water since I didn’t want to drink alcohol on empty stomach.”
“She got very upset and called me anti-social and that the least I could have done was taste a bit after she spent hours cooking.She says something about not sticking too much to religious indoctrination and trying more to integrate into French culture.”
“The whole time I was really confused. Was this how French society works?”
“Why did she even call me? She assumed I didn’t eat pork because I was Muslim.”
“Am not, and she was gonna try forcing me to eat pork after I said I was severely allergic to it and also Lactose intolerant.”
“The other guests just silently ate their food and didn’t say anything.”
“The dessert was just as bad, a cheesecake. Which I also politely declined.”
“The whole thing was so awkward and made me seem antisocial.”
“Up to this day she’s never spoken to me again. AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. She knowingly made food you said you were allergic to. It’s her fault and she’s racist.”
“Recently France has been having huge issues with the Muslim community. People feeling they won’t accept French culture and are trying to change the country. Sadly, it seems your neighbor is one of those people.”
“It’s not anti social to decline food that could easily land you in the hospital. She was anti social by being racist and ignoring someone’s dietary restrictions.” ~ yukidaviji
“I consider it weird and inappropriate to serve someone food that it is known in advance they do not want to eat. I recon there are a number of flavors of douche that are clumped here regarding the reasons.”
“That being said it is being a douche.” ~ flukefluk
“Yeah, like there are multiple reasons why people may not want to eat specific foods whether it be religion or health-related, from what I heard anaphylaxis is a horrible way to die. If you are hosting people, all you need to know are what foods they can not have and accommodate them accordingly.” ~ DragonflyStraight479
OP could’ve gotten seriously sick.
“A lot of things one would not expect to contain allergens or meat sometimes do. Some kimchee recipes have powdered shrimp in the seasoning mix (for umami, I think) for example, so definitely would be a problem for vegans/vegetarians and those allergic to shellfish.” ~ woodwitchofthewest
“NTA. You stated you can’t eat those things and she makes dinner based off of it.”
“Not gonna lie, it seems like she was setting you up. Either to injure you when you ate it, or to guilt trip you. Her intentions are unclear but they aren’t positive.” ~ itsmeravenwing
“Ngl, I felt so embarrassed the whole evening.” ~ XAARYEOUS
“She should have felt embarrassed. You really should have said loud and clear ‘why did you ask for my allergies if you made a meal exactly out of those ingredients?! Are the hospitals here so beautiful that you want me to visit them so bad?'” ~ Acceptable-Abalone20
“Honestly you should have said for all to hear that she spoke to you and asked about food restrictions and you told her about you dairy and pork medical issues and said that she’d make fish. You shouldn’t feel bad because she is a bad person. I think a problem we are globally experiencing is caring too much about the feelings of people who don’t give two thoughts about anyone else’s.” ~ Maximus_Rex
“Why do you feel embarrassed? This wench straight up asked you about your dietary preferences, and then proceeded to make a whole meal for you that went against the specific dietary preferences that she asked you about.”
“If this ever happens again, with anybody else too, instead of feeling embarrassed turn it around and make them feel embarrassed. Tell them hey you asked me exactly what I was allergic to and couldn’t eat and I told you, and you still proceeded to make a full meal with those foods. That’s not a good host move.” ~ pizzaisapie69
“I’m sorry but I can’t help but laugh. But who does that?”
“Her: I’d like to have you over for dinner! Do you have any dietary conditions?”
“OP: Dairy and pork make me violently ill. I absolutely cannot eat dairy or pork.”
“Her: No problem! I’m making fish!”
“Also Her: I hope you like the bacon cheese and potato dish I made. There is cheese cake for desert too.”
“OP: If I eat that I’ll die.”
“Her: You’re so rude! This is France!”
“You should find out what kind of food she absolutely hates. Invite her over and then serve that.”
“NTA.” ~ ccoastmike
“LOL when you put it that way, she seems insane.” ~ XAARYEOUS
That is a terrible host.
Trying to force things on your guests is not what dinner parties should be for.
Food allergies also aren’t a joke or a choice.